


Out of Place

by Lilkiwibird



Series: Straight Outta Lorien [1]
Category: The Lorien Legacies - Pittacus Lore, The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Aliens, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Auntie Allison, Complete, Council Nine, Family Fluff, Fluff, Human Garde, Legacies, Loric Garde - Freeform, Protective Vanya Hargreeves, Runaway, Superpowers, Uncle Diego, Uncle Five, Uncle Klaus, Uncle Luther, Vanya is a mother, netflix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:40:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 32
Words: 71,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25685173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilkiwibird/pseuds/Lilkiwibird
Summary: The events in this book are real. Names and places have been changed to protect the Garde, who remain in hiding. Take this as your first warning. Other civilisations do exist, some of them seek to destroy you.*FOREIGN REWRITE*
Relationships: Dolores/Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy), Vanya Hargreeves/Leonard Peabody
Series: Straight Outta Lorien [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1890241
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	1. Foreword

_“The events of the Human-Loric Garde vs Mogadorian war is recorded as being the singularly most horrific event in Loric and Human history, following the fall of Lorien…Upon the Entity’s awakening on Earth, scores of children across the world were randomly granted with Legacies, not seen since the peak of the Loric Empire many millennia ago. With the awakening of these powers came chaotic destruction and crime, left, right ad center as the children learnt to control or abuse these fantastical powers._

_Many were easily overwhelmed by their newly destructive powers and thus eradicated from the Earth alongside the scores of civilians unlucky enough to get caught in the crossfire. As such, a group of Humans known as the United Nations and the Mogadorians came together to create rehabilitation camps for these children; where they were able to teach the children how to use these new powers…”_ — **Pg 2-3, _The Rise & Fall of Human Gard_e, H. Theron-Ra**

_“…Tensions ran high with the rise of Legacy-Augmented/Affiliated Native Earthlings (LANE) following the end of the Intergalactic War. In the aftermath, those who had survived were rounded up and split between three encampments:_ _The Human Garde Academy_ _(run by the remaining Lorics & rebels), _ _The Earth Garde Peacekeepers_ _(run by the United Nations) &_ _The Ragnor-Ra Rehabilitation Centres_ _(run by the surviving Mogadorians) in an effort to help these young children reassimilate with the populace once more…”_ — **Pg 15, _The Intergalactic War & LANEs: Aftermath, _P. Williamson**

_“If you can read this, you’re one of us. If you’re one of us, come find us. But be careful, they’re hunting you”—_ **_The Garde_ **


	2. Prologue

Theodore J. Hargreeves is well aware of the circumstances of his situation. It was the one thing he clung to as a child, the one thing that made him the same as the rest of the Garde—Loric & Human alike. It gave him hope, hope that maybe he wasn’t a monster after all. Or conversely, maybe he was a monster & this was all a bad dream he needed to wake up from. That hope had many years to shrivel up and die.

When he thinks of it, his thoughts are full of resentment and anger at the world. He questions _why, why, why? Why did you chose me? What did I do? I don’t want to be a monster! I don’t want to be hunted!_ For all that Theodore thought of his situation, he never once considered how others envied his power, his legacy—he still doesn’t, by the way. But after today, it’s something he resolved to do as he held his mother in his arms and world raged around them.

It starts like this:


	3. Grand Escape & Rescue

**_January 2014_ **

Piercing sirens wail and children scream in terror. There's the smell of something metallic in the air—a mixture of the spilt blood and crumbling structures. The world blurred around Theodore, sounds became a cacophony of noise in time with the blood rushing in his ears and the heart beating out of his chest. Hundreds of tiny feet thundered against the dusty ground and the rustling of their oversized colour-coded jumpsuits sounded as they made their grand escape.

Sunlight—true and proper light—blinded him as he stepped out of the dark and dim halls of the camp where he had been kept captive for the last three years. It took a couple of precious seconds for his eyes to adjust and when they do he stared wide-eyed at the landscape around them. There is nothing but red dust and sand for miles and he wondered yet again if they should be doing this. If this is really the best option for them.

And then the gunfire starts. Red bolts of light fire in every direction, downing children without care or mercy. The chips in their necks sing in symphony with the encompassing electric fence around them. The electric fence they raced towards buzzed like a thousand flies, but it's no match for the telekinetic kid at the front of the pack as he _rips_ through the buzzing barbed wire like it was tissue paper. Theodore spared a glance over his shoulder at the school building which had been his home for the last three years and wonders.

The crowd soon pushed him forward as they spill out onto the sand. The few who can, race out into the harsh landscape around them, not caring for logic or sensibility, only caring about survival. As the whirring sounds of the chopper sound above them, he feels the coolness of loralite encompass his body as the voice in his head takes over; transforming them into a glimmering crystallised beast that races through the desert with hell on their heels.

* * *

**_March 2014_ **

The city is nothing like he remembered it being; it's big and dark and scary. There's scurrying rats the size of his fists and leering drunkards that stink of waste. Towers still scrape against the sky and cabs still race past like they owe the world nothing. And the people! They're _nothing_ like what they told them! There big and small, fat and thin, black and white and decorated from head to toe in so many colours that they made his head spin.

Theodore wasn't sure how he had arrived in the city, not quite anyway, but he's sure it had something to do with the voice—" _Loren, dumbass! I'm Loren!"—_ in his head and the shards of loralite at his scarred feet. As he wandered through the back alleys of this unknown city, Theodore thinks back to the last time he was in a city. _The_ city; the one where aliens and humans were fighting with superpowers and monsters.

Buildings had toppled, looking like something from a disaster movie and people had screamed, running for their lives or trying to unbury friends and family from the rubble. He could still see the hoards of elvish-looking people as they marched up the centre of the street, towing their futuristic war machines behind them like toys.

Walking face first into a washing line of clothes, Theodore is pulled from his thoughts as he struggled to remove himself from the sheet entangling him. Loren laughed at his actions and reminded him that he should probably change out of the obnoxiously blue jumpsuit unless he wanted to keep walking around like a criminal wannabe.

There's not much of a selection, mostly large shirts and tight pants, but in the end he settled on set of clothes which he plucked from the line with little difficulty. These included a pair of rainbow-striped stockings that are so big the waistline goes all the way to his armpits, a pair of bleached denim overalls with the hems cuffed several times over and a large flannel shirt which engulfed his small frame. The only thing that remained was the dirty white standard undershirt he had worn under his jumpsuit. After a moment, Theodore decided to shave off the feet of the stockings with a shard of loralite, leaving him in bare feet once more. The jumpsuit is subsequently set afire and serves to warm him through the night.

* * *

**_April 2014_ **

The woman is _tiny_ , small enough that Theodore is sure he'll be able to pick her up like a rag doll one day. But she's _kind._ Kind in the way that held neither the backhandedness of the human soldiers nor the fake front of the Mogadorian scientists; it's the proper kind—the kind he barely remembers from before the war. She doesn't treat him like he's about to break, instead toeing the line between wanting to smother him in love and anxiously watching for some kind of reaction from him.

The stairwell he had chosen for the night had turned out to be the one leading into her apartment building; which meant she had tripped over him on her way inside. She'd introduced herself as Vanya Hargreeves before leading him inside and feeding the grumbling monster that was his stomach. Theodore had been wary of the woman at first, not quite trusting her even with all the coaxing and promise of safety she had offered him.

In the end, after the flurry of unanswered questions had ended, he had tucked himself into the furthest corner of her couch where he had wrapped himself in the throw blanket thrown haphazardly there. A mug of hot chocolate— _"Poison! Poison!"—_ was shoved into his hands and the chocolatey steam billowed about his face, warming him from the inside out as he watched her move around the muted apartment like a cornered animal.

And so he celebrates his birthday with a nice woman in a warm house. He never leaves.


	4. Childhood

**_2015_ **

The first year was rough. The first few months were spent skirting each other like animals at the watering hole. Theodore knew that Vanya was trying her best to make him feel comfortable, even with all his nightmares, ticks and habits that would drive anyone up the wall. There's just so much to relearn, so much to remember! So much so that frustrated him that oftentimes, she'd find him hiding in such odd places and she'd wonder how he had fit in there.

It's the little things that frustrated him the most, like learning how to use cutlery to eat instead of shoving the food into his mouth with his fingers. Or even _sharing_ food to begin with. The first time she had found him huddled away in the wardrobe with a collection of mouldy fruit and growling at her like a dragon over its hoard; she had sat on the floor next to him for a moment in disbelief before coaxing him free and explaining how he didn't _need_ to hoard food. That they had fresh food in the fridge and pantry for him to eat. That he didn't need to do this. Sometimes he still forgets.

There's also the hell that was shoes. Whilst Vanya had insisted he wear the blasted creations outside of the house, Theodore would have much rather ran around barefoot and he pestered her often about the uselessness of them. It's a point of contention that's argued back and forth for weeks at a time. In the end, they compromised on a pair of floral jandals plus a pair of open-toed gladiator sandals for "special occasions"

Hoodies however, he found, were glorious things. Especially when the sleeves were long enough to flop over his hands and the hoods big enough to hide beneath, with so many colours & styles to choose from. Though if you were truly to peek inside his brain, you'd see that the reason he truly absolutely loved hoodies was because it felt like he was wearing a security blanket. It wasn't long after he'd come to breakfast one morning wearing yet another one of Vanya's old hoodies, that she'd gone out and bought some of his very own—they had ended up being almost carbon copies of her own, if only slightly newer.

When he had first discovered the missing posters and ads she'd placed in the paper and around the neighbourhood baring his name and details, Theodore had childishly demanded she take them down. Vanya had asked why, of course, and he had burst into snotty tears asking if he'd done something wrong, if that's why she wanted to get rid of him. Eventually she had been able to calm him down. It didn't take her long to conclude that he was a runaway—something she could empathise with. The missing posters stopped soon after that and Theodore felt like he could breathe a little easier.

In the meantime, neither had referred to each other as mother or son during these months. Much like saying "I love you" to a partner for the first time, the thought of calling each said title was frightening. It wasn't until an incident whilst out shopping that changed this. It was a simple thing really, or well, it should've been:—after the kerfuffle that was getting ready— the pair had hurriedly manoeuvred themselves through the throngs of people (he still wasn't quite used to all the strange people) towards the nearest bookstore where Vanya had intended to purchase several parenting and school books (for her and him respectively).

Vanya had been heckling a lower price for the old-school typewriter from the display window, with the cashier while Theodore inspected the shelf of children's books at the time. He'd been completely minding his own business, slowly reading the back of the book he held when someone had bumped into him, knocking him into the shelves in front of him. "Hey! Watch where you're going!" The child groused as Theodore picked himself up.

"I will when you do" Theodore growled lowly as he rose, brushing off the book he had dropped.

 _"What_ was that?" The child turned on him with a snap. He was a chubby boy about his age, maybe older and wore an ugly glare across his young features.

"Is there are problem here, darling?" Simpered his portly mother who had appeared over his shoulder; pulled to him like a magnet.

"This _turd_ pushed me!" Lied the boy, crossing his arms in a put-upon huff.

 _"Well?"_ The mother turned to Theodore. "What do you say?"

"He's lying!" Theodore retorted, well-aware that the mother clearly meant for him to apologise.

"What ghastly manners you have! Someone oughta teach you better!"

"It wasn't me!"

"Theo? What's wrong?" Called over by the noise, small shy Vanya rounded the corner to find Theodore cornered by the two larger beings. Facing against the snobbish-looking woman, her matching son and the pleading eyes of her own child, Vanya drew herself up to her fullest height (about five feet) and prepared to take them on. "Is something the matter?"

"Is this _brat_ yours?" Sneered the other mother, "You should teach him better manners! He could've hurt my poor boy!"

"Theo?" Vanya turned to Theodore who looked at her with betrayal bleeding into his eyes.

"It wasn't me!" Theodore repeated, "He lied! _He_ pushed _me!_ I was just standing there!"

"Is this true?" Vanya calmly asked the other boy.

"Are you trying to imply that _my son—"_ The other mother haughtily retorted before her son could open his mouth, looking down her nose at them _"—_ Who was clearly minding his own business, just pushed him over?"

"Did I stutter?" Vanya replied, making the other woman splutter at her words. Long gone was the timid creature Theodore was used to. She was all cold steel and fiery ice at his back, rock solid and unmoving in a way that he'd never seen before. A hand was clasped tightly to his shoulder as she emanated the feeling of protective mother and he felt _safe._ "Maybe it's best if you leave _my son_ alone"

Theodore's grin had remained stuck in place even as the other pair had stalked from the store, spouting complaints about Vanya's mothering techniques, irresponsible young mothers and other things about the store. Even as Vanya had bought the typewriter, the cashier had given him a sticker and when they'd gone to _Griddy's Donuts_ afterwards.

There was also the time when one of his nightmares became too much. When he had awoken with a jolt in the middle of the night Theodore couldn't remember what the dream had been about, only that he had been so scared that his telekinesis had kicked into gear and caused several things in the room to float and/or spin on precarious axis'.

He'd awoken to warm arms surrounding him and a crooning voice in his ear singing a comforting tune—one that he'd later recognise as the one off the John Lewis Christmas advert with the bunny and bear—as he blubbered incoherently about the demons in his head.

 _"I walked across an empty land  
_ _I knew the pathway like the back of my hand  
_ _I felt the earth beneath my feet  
_ _Sat by the river and it made me complete  
_ _Oh simple thing, where have you gone?  
_ _I'm getting tired and I need someone to rely on"_

Vanya rocked him gently as she sat in the bed next to him, with her legs slung either side of him, singing softly with a song that whispered promises of protection.

 _"I came across a fallen tree  
_ _I felt the branches of it looking at me  
_ _Is this the place we used to love?  
_ _Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?  
_ _Oh simple thing, where have you gone?  
_ _I'm getting old and I need something to rely on"_

Calming slightly, Theodore watched as the items around the room stopped moving like spinning tops, instead coming to rest on the carpeted floor. Drained and exhausted, he didn't have in him to be afraid for what she might think, instead he sunk fully into her arms.

 _"And if you have a minute, why don't we go  
_ _Talk about it somewhere only we know?  
_ _This could be the end of everything  
_ _So why don't we go somewhere only we know?  
_ _Somewhere only we know"_

Later Vanya would probe him about his powers, asking endless questions that would ultimately end in tears for the both of them. She'd be scared; scared that he would turn out like her siblings, scared that her father would discover him and steal away the little boy she'd come to love. In turn, he'd beg and plead for her not to tell anyone— _"Pinky promise!"_ —scared that she would send him back to the tortuous camps he'd tried so hard to escape from.

 _"Oh simple thing where have you gone?  
_ _I'm getting old and I need someone to rely on  
_ _So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
_ _I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin"_

For now, she gently pushed his sweaty brown ringlets away from his eyes, revealing tired blue orbs and freckled cheeks. Drained from the nightmare, sleep pulled at Theodore's lids once more as he leant against Vanya's chest where her heart beat comfortingly in his ears. Snuggling in close, he whispered two words that made Vanya's heart swell with warmth and fuzziness that she had never truly known.

 _"And if you have a minute, why don't we go  
_ _Talk about it somewhere only we know?  
_ _This could be the end of everything  
_ _So why don't we go somewhere only we know?  
_ _Somewhere only we know"_

"Thanks Mama"

* * *

Theodore was twelve— _"Twelve and a half!"—_ when he was introduced to their portly neighbour, Mrs Kowalski, for the first time. Theodore had never seen so many cats in one place before—or as many breeds. He was pretty excited about it until Vanya informed him that he'd stay with her and work on his homeschooling while Vanya worked during the day. Blubbering tears had flowed not soon after; ones that pulled at her heartstrings.

It still took a month for Vanya to leave the apartment without her son, it then took her another week to get out of the building without running back inside because she felt so incredibly _empty_ without him. Each time she was welcomed back with a "Mama!" and a squishy hug from tiny arms as hazel eyes watched on knowingly. Eventually she was able to leave without Theodore sadly watching from the window as she disappeared down the street, but he still waited by the door for her to come home like an overeager puppy.

Those following months were filled with writing (as recommended by her therapist), the soothing sounds of the violin as Vanya played and played and _played,_ the purring and yowling of Mrs Kowalski's many, _many_ cats and days of never-ending schoolwork that threatened to drown him, some days. Vanya had laughed at his aghast expression when she told him it would only get worse.

Theodore was twelve— _"Twelve and three quarters, Mama!"—_ when the not-so-offical adoption became offical. Mrs Kowalski had helpfully pulled a few strings ( _"Did y'know my Danny's a social worker? That one there! With the ducky tie! He's single too, dearie…")_ to get the papers through the system as quickly as possible. They'd celebrated with _Griddy's Donuts_ and _7/11_ slushies.


	5. Through the Years

**_2016_ **

Around the time Theodore turned thirteen, he'd sleepily wandered out into the kitchen for a glass of water in the middle of the night, to find his mother and Mrs Kowalski giggling madly and drunkenly singing _"Fuck you, Dad! Long live the queen!"_ on the couch one night. He had stood in the doorway completely enraptured by this different side of his mother, especially as she sloshed some of the red wine in her glass onto the floor in her attempt to find an envelope for her ever-growing diary to send off to the publishers. Something which was regretted immediately the next day.

The publisher replied back to her however, stating that the book held promise, and it's weird to hear it referred to as a _book_ and not the anthologies of a bitter women. She almost told them to forget about it when a glance towards her son showed him buried beneath a pile of purring cats next to the roaring fireplace in Mrs Kowalski's apartment. And suddenly she's angry. She's so uncontrollably, undeniably _angry_ at her father and at the world for the constant fear and stress they hang overhead, threatening to take away her bubbly boy at any second—

Her pen hits paper and she _writes._

* * *

A month later, his mother joined the Icarus orchestra, making her way up to third chair and he couldn't be more proud. The extra money gets placed into an account for when he's older—Vanya affectionately named it his ' _Wishes Fund'_ for all the wishes he could complete when he got older. Sometimes, after rehearsal was over, Theodore'll listen to his mother practise in the big empty theatre as he laid on the stage at her feet.

A week later her book came out, complete with all the bells and whistles. Theodore isn't there when Diego confronted his mother. He isn't there to see her body tense in fear as he shoved the newspaper article that mentioned her book, into her face. He's not there when his uncle vehemently chews out his mother, and for that Vanya is forever grateful.

But he's there when she comes home all flustered and he knows its not from rehearsal because Mama is _never_ upset after playing the violin. All it took is one glance at his distraught mother for him to abandon his schoolwork and trap her on the couch with blanket in hand as he wrapped it around her and climbed into her lap, snuggling in close. He doesn't ask why she cried, but he silently promises vengeance on the bastard who caused the tears.

* * *

**_2017_ **

When Theodore hits fourteen years old, Vanya decided he's old and strong enough to be enrolled in high school. Although he hated the idea vehemently, it's clear that she's run out of things to teach him and so, despite his wishes, he's enrolled at the local high school, Saint Gregory's Academy. It's not fancy or uppity by any means, but it _does_ have a uniform.

Theodore despised the purple-encrusted uniform with a passion; from the cross-hatched woollen cardigan to the large black loafers he was forced to wear and the box-like blazer with the school's sigil emblazoned on the front pocket. He doesn't _quite_ run home that first day, where he _definitely_ doesn't cry himself to sleep, no matter what Mrs Kowalski says.

The rest of the first week is spent trying not to jump at every squeak and thud or run from every towering teacher. The second week is marginally better, if only because he eventually finds a friend in the not-so street savvy Milton Woodstock; and the rest, as they say, is history.

* * *

Theodore was fourteen and a half when he hit his growth spurt, sprouting upwards like a weed, so fast that Mrs Kowalski practically dragged him along to go clothes shopping _"…for her favourite grandchild!"_ (She actually had three others—all older—and was forever trying to set Vanya up with one of them. She wasn't actually his grandmother, but the Polish woman was the closest thing he'd ever had—Mama didn't talk about her family much, only that Grandfather was _bad_ ).

It was on one such trip that Mrs Kowalski had been stopped by yet _another_ long-lost friend to natter the day away with—it was almost impossible for her to go anywhere without bumping into an 'old friend' for a 'chat' that enviably turned into a _booooring_ natter between old ladies who eventually decide to 'catch-up' at a later date, but never do.

So when he heard the sound of colourful cursing, the likes of which he'd never even _heard_ before (Mr Wilkins from two doors down, was sweet on Mrs Kowalski & a _terrible_ handy-man) reached his ears, he's undeniably curious. He spared a glance over his shoulder to where his pseudo grandmother sat on the park bench with an equally portly and wrinkled lady before he shuffled over to the mouth of the alley where the sounds were coming from.

For a moment his thoughts jump to elvish scientists with tortuous power tools and unyielding soldiers with cruel words. Instead, it's a wiry man dressed in funny clothes (a black cocktail dress & fluffy jacket with patchy faux fur encompassing the sleeves & hood). The current topic at hand appeared to be his apparent hunger, because even if he denies it—which he does—Theodore is pretty sure that Mogadorians could hear it.

 _"Loric?"_ Loren asked him, his voice reverberated through his skull like an echo.

"Don't think so" Theodore murmured, cocking his head in confusion, catching the man's attention. When they locked eyes, both parties froze—Theodore in wariness, the strange man in apparent shock. Theodore was starting to think this isn't such a good idea when—instead of attacking him, as he thought—the man gave him a jaunty little wave. Theodore's eyes zoomed in on the 'HELLO' inscribed on his palm and his lips twitch up into a smile. This was definitely _not_ boring.

"…snort something in my sleep, right?" The man's voice pulled Theodore from his thoughts just in time to catch the man having a conversation with the air next to him.

"…"

"Okay, good, just a weird coincidence then. Look—!"

"—Why're you in a dumpster?" Theodore questioned, coming over and standing on his tiptoes to peer into said reciprocal. As tall as he'd gotten, he still can't reach _everything._

"I—shut _up,_ Ben!" The man goes to reply, before hissing to the air next to him.

"Is Ben your imaginary friend?" Theodore steamrolled on, mindless of how the cross-dressed man was studying his face as if it held the key to the universe.

"I guess you could say that" He drawls, waving a tattooed hand towards the air next to him.

"Mama says old people shouldn't have imaginary friends"

"I'm not old—!" The man spluttered dramatically, hand on heart seemingly insulted; but Theodore has seen Mama pull that trick one too many times to know he's not. His brow furrowed however, when he swore that he could hear the sound of faint laughter to his left. The strange man watched the reaction with wide eyes, wondering if the kid could hear his dead brother.

"But Gramma says they are, if they're naughty bedroom friends" Theodore shook off the thought, continuing on "Is yours a naughty bedroom friend?" This time it's the imaginary friend who spluttered and the strange man who laughed.

"Hear that Ben?" The man exploded into wheezy laughter as he collapsed backwards into the stinking rubbish beneath him, holding his belly. "You're my…naughty bedroom friend now!"

Before Theodore can ask further, a noise sounded from somewhere behind him and he turned to see Mrs Kowalski was _finally_ done catching up with her old friend and was now looking for him. "I gotta go" He apologised to the strange man and his imaginary friend, "Bye dumpster man!"

The man waved his other tattooed hand 'GOODBYE in farewell as Theodore scrambled over to his distraught babysitter, spouting some kind of lie about a feral cat before he is hauled off on their shopping trip. Neither Klaus nor Ben never know how close they got to their nephew.

* * *

**_2018_ **

Theodore's fifteen when he _finally_ asks the question that's been burning in the back of his mind as the mother and son duo exited from the movie theatre after watching some period flick with lots of explosions. "Mama?" He glanced towards his tiny mother—she's at least a head shorter than him now.

"Mm?" Vanya hummed as she dumped her rubbish into the bin outside.

"Why do we go to the movies a lot?" Theodore puzzled.

"We go to see movies _sometimes_ because my sister is in them & I'm proud of her"

"You have a sister, Mama?"

"Yeah, and a bunch of brothers too" Vanya nodded as they trickled out of the movie theatre, pass the many movie posters hung up on the wall. It's easy to spot the one for the film they'd just seen. "There she is, that's your Auntie Allison"

Stopping in front of the large poster, Theodore stared at it trying to capture every detail of his aunt's overly photoshopped face before him. From the caramel skin to the honey curls pulled back into a fuzzy ball at the back of her head. "She was the warrior princess, Mama?" He turned to his mother who appeared a little apprehensive behind him.

"Mmhm" Vanya nodded.

"…I still think Mama's more badass" Theodore turned back to the poster before them, missing the moment when her cheeks turned beet red and chest puffed up in pride.

* * *

It happened again on the way home from a grocery run a few days later, when Vanya suddenly reached out and tore a weather-battered poster down from a nearby telephone pole, before it became quickly stuffed into her pocket, praying that Theodore hadn't noticed. "What's that, Mama?" Theodore puzzled. _Drat!_

"…It's a poster for a boxing tournament" Vanya replied, knowing full-well that her inquisitive boy wouldn't let it go.

"You like boxing, Mama?"

"Well, no" She's not quite sure how to introduce her brother to him, only that she knew this was not what she wanted. "But your Uncle Diego fights in them sometimes, and I like to check up on him"

"Uncle Diego?" Vanya doesn't have to look, to know his freckled brow is knotted in puzzlement. "The one with the decorative knives?"

"Mm" Vanya hummed in acknowledgement as the pair walked back home, a small smile making its way across her lips as her thoughts drifted to the story behind the 'decorative knives'. "He's one of my brothers, I grabbed the poster because it's got his picture on it"

"Can I see?" Theodore clutched the multitude of paper bags in his arms, close enough to his chest that he could stick one arm out at an awkward angle.

"I'll show you when we get home, okay?" Vanya chuckled at the pose her son had pulled, and the subsequent pout that followed.

That being said, no sooner had they stepped across the threshold and set down the groceries bags, did the teen pounce on his mother and practically ripped the torn poster from her clutches. It's almost sad how he studied the torn clipping with such intensity; that Vanya resolved to do something she'd never wanted to before.


	6. The Umbrella Academy

When Vanya arrived home the next day, she wandered down to her son's room (ever thankful that the apartment was a two-bedrooms situation) to find him sitting at his desk studying for the biology test that was coming up. He spared a glance towards her as she entered his small room with library books in hand, but otherwise went back to his notes.

The wall above his bed is littered in random posters and photos, mostly picturing their little family, Mrs Kowalski and her cats, him and his friend(s) and his favourite bands or artworks at the time. But the ones that _really_ captured her attention are the cutouts of her siblings—the boxing poster of Diego, the magazine article picturing Allison, Claire & Patrick and so on. Mind made up, she turned back over to the desk where blue orbs now sat watching her, and flopped down onto his twin bed, patting the comforter next to as she silently beckoned him over.

"What's going on, Mama?" Theodore puzzled as he sat next to her, tucking his feet underneath himself. Vanya didn't answer, instead cracking open the first library book and settling it in his lap. "Who're these guys?" His attention turned to the large photo before him. It appeared to be a class photo of six students plus their teacher, on the steps of a Parisian bank (the caption for the photo stated so) and wearing domino masks that obscured their vision.

"That's my family, Teddy" Vanya swallowed. Theodore's head snapped up towards his mother so fast she was worried he gave himself whiplash. When she nodded, he goes back to studying the book with the same intensity as he did the biology textbook.

"Which one is you, Mama?" He asked, not looking up from the school-like photo.

"I'm not there"

"Why not?"

There's a pause as Theodore turned to his mother who appeared to be trying to steady herself; clearly this was a difficult thing for her to do, but he was curious and this was the first time she'd willingly talked about her family. So he waits. And she tells him _everything—_ or almost everything, because he can see she's holding back some things, but he can't complain—not when there's so much to learn!

She goes down the line, pointing to each sibling and telling him stories—ones that didn't go into her bitter book—about each of them. First is Luther, the fearless leader who dreamt of space and funky music that drifted through the old house. She told him about an incident involving bananas and itching powder and made him promise not to tell anyone else, least the secret get out. (Vanya had pranked him so well that no one knew who had _really_ done it—they'd all blamed Klaus at the time).

Next is Diego, the angriest of the seven siblings with his desire to always be the best and his constant stubborn arguing—usually with Luther over stupid things—But there was also his utmost unconditional love for their mother. She also mentions an incident with knives and skirts that has him reeling in laughter.

Then there's Allison, the sweetheart of the Umbrella Academy, who was usually adorned in glimmering gowns and beautiful make-up. Vanya talked about secret smiles traded across the dinner table and a certain pair of red heels that _terrified_ the boys to the core.

The fourth one was Klaus, silly, clowning Klaus, who made it his mission to make the others laugh. Theodore liked how she lit up when she spoke of the daring midnight escapades and the day he learnt not to cross Allison. (He'd pawned her first cellphone for drugs and she'd pulled out the affectionately named 'dagger heels').

Next is Five, her first and best friend. There are tales of nonsensical ramblings about stupid things and endless days spent in the library listening to her play the violin. There were stories about midnight fluffer-nutter sandwiches and games of 'Spotlight' that always ended in laughter. Laughter that disappeared when he was lost.

Ben is the sixth child, and Mama introduced him as the kindest of her siblings. The one with the softest of touches and tightest of hugs, the one usually seen pouring over a book at some point or another and how he was the glue that held their little family together. The glue that disappeared when they lost him too.

"Lost, like Uncle Five?" Theodore questioned.

"No, Teddy" Vanya sadly shook her head, "Uncle Ben…died a long time ago, on a mission"

"Oh" He fought the tears building in the corners of his eyes, but didn't know why. "Is he like Gramma's George?"

"Yeah…like Gramma's George" Vanya nods, thinking of Mrs Kowalski's departed spouse—the first one, who was a soldier during the Second World War. There's another beat of silence as he mulled over the next question—it's just as depressing.

"Why aren't they here?" He asked.

"Well, Luther's on the moon—"

"—No, why aren't they _here?_ Don't they care about us?"

"They don't know about you Teddy bear, I didn't tell them"

 _"Why?"_ His tears trailed down his cheeks as he turned to his mother, "Are you ashamed of me?"

"What? Honey, no!" Vanya pulled her son into a hug, stroking his curly locks with one hand as the other rocked him. "You're _my_ Teddy bear and I'll _always_ be proud of you"

"So _why?"_

"…Do you remember your Grandfather?" She sighed, not pulling back from the hug.

"The bad one?"

"That's right. He was very mean to me and my siblings; if he knew about you, he'd take you away"

 _"NO!"_ The agonised cry sings in symphony with her pulled heartstrings and she tightened her grip on him as if he was going to disappear right there and then.

Tears dripped onto their shirts as silence reigned once more. "That's why we can't tell your aunt and uncles" Vanya sighed after a moment spent collecting herself somewhat, "We have to wait until your grandfather isn't able to take you away. We have to wait until it's _safe,_ understand?"

"Mmhm" Theodore snottily nodded into his mother's shoulder and refused to let go, his biology textbook long forgotten.

Vanya didn't tell Theodore about their powers nor their numbers, scared that he'll leave her too.


	7. Ding Dong! The Bastard's Gone!

**_23 March 2019_ **

It's almost a week exactly before Theodore's seventeenth birthday (after his voice _finally_ drops—his mother had spent the entire period laughing or teasing him) when he accompanies his mother to the Icarus theatre for after hours practice. Unlike most kids his age, he loved going to the theatre—especially at this time of night—to listen to his mother play in the big empty hall as he used his telekinesis to float high above the audience seats.

Over the years, floating objects and boys had become a rather normal occurrence in their household, especially when he was far too lazy to get up and reach for something, like the remote, even if it was only just out of reach. Theodore adored floating like this because he felt like he's dancing. It certainly helps that Loren enjoys the aerial dancing too, it being one of the few times the loralite beast was actually quiet.

He's gotten pretty good at his landings too, like now for instance, when he landed precariously on the wooden banister of the upper platform just in time, when the janitor waltzed in whistling a jaunty little tune. There's no noise coming from the stage as his mother packed up, although he doesn't need to turn around to know that his mother is likely staring at him with worry in her eyes and a look that said "I told you so!"

The journey home was filled with an argument. It's an old one, one that's been in circulation for a while now and Theodore was certainly quite bored of going 'round in circles. His mother didn't seem to agree. "…I'll come home to find you splattered against the wall!"

"I'm being careful Mama!" He sighed. _Besides, there's always Loren_. He had never told his mother about the sentient loralite beast nor the true origin of his powers, far too afraid that she would lock him up if he ever did.

"One wrong move and I'll be scraping Teddy off of the windows!" She mowed on.

_"Mama!"_

"Next, I'll be putting bubblewrap on the lights!"

"That was one time, and you can't—oof!" Theodore crashed into his mother's still form as she stood rock solid in front of _Tommy's TVs_ display window. "Mama?" Theodore asked, wondering if she was trying to make a point or if he'd stopped listening to her ranting; but it was neither of these things. There's none of the earlier sarcasm or fond irritation found in the typical bickering argument as she stared at the small box TV in front of her; slack-jawed and bug-eyed.

"Mama?" He asked again, this time his voice much softer than a few seconds ago. Mama suddenly spun on her heel and pulled him in for a hug, gripping tight to the back of his shirt as she sobbed in relief, "It's _safe!"_ Confused, Theodore spared a glance over his mother's shoulder as he returned the hug. Only one headline blared back at him, and it was one that made his own shoulders sag in relief:

_RECLUSIVE BILLIONAIRE REGINALD HARGREEVES FOUND DEAD_

Emotions welled up inside him—relief, shock, happiness—and all at once it's too much to hold in, so he lets go. Standing in the rain on that dark and cold night, Theodore held his tiny shaking mother close as they both happily cried tears of relief over the loss of their (grand)father.

* * *

Somehow the pair made it back to their little apartment where Vanya had practically collapsed into the saggy cushions of their couch, staring off into space as if she can't quite believe the weight over her head is gone. At the same time, Theodore goes through the motions of removing his wet clothes and hanging them on the coatrack by the door. No sooner had he removed his soaked shoes and socks did the sound of muffled curses sound on the other side of the door followed by a key in the hole and the rattling of the doorknob.

**_BANG!_ **

Theodore jumped about a foot in the air when the door slammed open and hit the wall as long-legged Milton kicked it in; next to him is Mrs Kowalski, tiny in comparison. Standing there in the halo of the door Milton is dressed from head to toe in what Theodore can only describe as 'party gear' because we wears not one, but two party paper party hats on his head like horns (one is a _Frozen_ themed and the other is _Star Wars_ themed) and a large white graphic t-shirt hangs off of his thin frame reading: _DING DONG! THE BASTARD'S GONE!_ above a picture of the man in question.

Next to him Mrs Kowalski is sporting several streamers wrapped around her shoulders like a mummy at a pride parade, with a large paper crown sat atop her white locks and an array of large plastic necklaces layered around her fat neck.

"DING DONG! THE BASTARD'S GONE!" Mrs Kowalski cheered, pulling the tassels of the party poppers hidden in the pockets of her saggy cardigan and sprinkled the Hargreeves pair in tiny colourful streamers.

Whilst his mother appeared to be suffering from shock, Theodore moved to embrace Milton. "I can't believe you actually put it on a t-shirt!" Theodore laughed as he hugged his bespectacled friend. At sixteen, Milton was far taller than he had been as a child and easily engulfed Theodore in the returning hug with wiry arms hidden beneath his colourful tee.

"Well, I've got one for you too!" Milton displayed said rumpled shirt to his friend before it was quickly stuffed over his current one. "You shoulda seen the looks I got on the subway with these things! One chick looked like she wanted to bury me six feet under!"

"So no different than usual, then?" Theodore teased.

"Ha! You're _hilarious"_ Milton playfully shoved his friend, enacting a shoving match that dissolved into playful wrestling on the floor and incurring half-hearted scoldings from the two older women on the couch.

* * *

_"This is Vanya Hargreeves, please leave a message & I'll get back to you as soon as I can"_

**_BEEP._ **

_"Miss Vanya, it's Pogo. I don't know if you've heard the news, but if not, I'm sincerely sorry to inform you…"_

* * *

**_24 March 2019_ **

Whilst Theodore struggled with large bouquet of flowers Mrs Kowalski had not-so-delicately shoved into his hands before they had hopped into the cab that morning, his mother stood at the front gates of her family home, staring up at the exterior with familiar trepidation. The last time she had seen any of her family members was at Allison's rather televised wedding where she had been a very awkward bridesmaid.

Dressed in the blackest clothes they had—Mama hadn't really swapped much out in exchange for her funeral clothes, staying comfortable in hoodie, flannel and jeans. In comparison, Theodore had adorned himself in his trademarked hoodie (this one being a _Doctor Who_ themed), a pair of black jeans and his school loafers—Theodore still felt underdressed, especially when standing in front of the extravagant facade. "You didn't say you were a princess, Mama!" Theodore breathed, staring up at the intricate stone carvings (many of which bore the umbrella for which the academy was named for) that leered down at them from up on high.

"I'm not" Vanya replied absentmindedly before moving into the house.

If Theodore had thought the outside of the building was extravagant, it had _nothing_ on the inside. Marble and gold glittered everywhere the eyes could see, and even in places it couldn't. A great big medieval chandelier hung over the center of the foyer (what house was big enough to have a foyer?!) and so many adjoining rooms it felt like a palace. His mother may not have been a princess, but it damn sure felt like she could've been.

Theodore sneezed at the pollen tickling at his nostrils as his mother spotted her own sitting in front of the fireplace in the adjoining room. "Hey Mom" Mama shuffled over to where she had spotted her mother.

"Is that Nana?" Theodore asked, his voice echoing around the empty halls.

"Yeah" Mama nodded, stepping towards where her mother sat idle by the fire, "But she's…I don't know…Mom?"

"Vanya?" A different voice called back, this one strong and feminine. Glancing up from behind the lilies obscuring his face, Theodore recognised the figure of his aunt coming down the stairs. "You're actually here"

"Hey Allison" Mama greeted softly turning from Nana to return Auntie Allison's tentative hug.

"Hey sis"

"Mama…?" Theodore piped up, causing bother women to break from their reverie and turn to the teen obscured by the bouquet in his hands. "Where do I put this?"

"Just put it on the table for now" Mama replied, gesturing to the small table in the center of the foyer.

"Who's this…?" Auntie Allison breathed, as Theodore set the outrageous bouquet of flowers down on the rickety table. Even as he fought against stubborn fern, he could feel her eyes roving over his form. From his dark brown curls, down his lean frame and over the large _Doctor Who_ hoodie that was more or less wearing him.

"This—um…" Mama replied, swallowing thickly as if the words stuck in her throat. "This is my son"

"Your—your—?" And then Auntie Allison is studying him again as if staring at him will suddenly unlock all his secrets. Theodore briefly met his aunt's eyes for a moment, before they awkwardly shuffled over to something over her shoulder allowing him to look at her without looking at her. It was something that his Literature teacher had suggested when they had been presenting their speeches to the class. Despite the years of reassimilating to manners and the general populace, Theodore had never quite grasped the concept of public speaking or speaking to people in general; so he'd compromise, uses little tricks to help him get through.

His aunt was taller than both him and his mother—especially in the heels & he's reminded of a certain story involving red ones that pulled at the corners of his lips—with honey-coloured locks that fall about her face in tight ringlets. The blue shirt is tied at the waist and tucked up in this complicated but simple-looking fold that leaves a small window of skin peeking out above the black capri pants that swish as she moved.

He can see the questions whirling around in her eyes—he'd seen Mama wear that expression on more than one occasion, usually when he and Milton had been caught doing something odd—and an array of other emotions that make him want to hide behind his tiny mother like a toddler, clinging to her legs for protection. Eventually her gaping mouth snapped shut with a click as the trio continued to hang around the foyer, the air thick with indescribable tension. That is until the sound of footsteps and an old scent (one he'd picked up over his mother's lavender & polisher when she'd come home crying one day) flickered into shot.

Stepping slightly in front of his mother, he missed the look shared between the two sisters as his one of his uncles emerged into the room adorned in the most ridiculous outfit he had ever seen—and he'd gone to ComicCon with Milton in cosplay!—He sauntered into the foyer, the batman rip-off get-up firmly in place as the knives strapped to his chest clinked as he walked. Theodore's eyes narrowed as he walked by, the forced casualness in his steps reminding him of the penguin documentary they'd watched during Science.

He watched as his Uncle meets his Aunt's eyes, but not his Mama's in a spiteful display of pettiness that had him almost growling. His mother's hand on his wrist was the only thing keeping him from attacking the taller male; the grip was loose, more of a silent warning than anything else. "What's _she_ doing here?" Uncle Diego asked derisively, not sparing a glance towards the two over his shoulder.

"You're seriously gonna do this today?" Auntie Allison fired back, hands in pockets as she turned, forcing Uncle Diego to face the pair. When he finally glanced towards them, his face full of irritation and undoubtedly about to spout something vicious and nasty, he stopped.

The double-take he did was spectacular. It jerked his bug-eyed expression over to his mother who stepped out slightly from her son's shadow and he tripped over his own feet, only just catching himself before he could face plant on the marble floor. In any case, Theodore couldn't hold back the snickers that fell from his lips as his uncle's dismissive act crumbled to dust before them. Once again, eyes roved over him and this time he stubbornly met his relative's gaze head-on, refusing to back down from the silent challenge.

Theodore can see a fiery anger building up behind the man's eyes, one that appeared barely restrained as he fingered one of the many knives on his person. Mama must've seen it too because she cleared her throat and turned back to Auntie Allison, completely ignoring his uncle—something which Loren crows at the vindictive pettiness of it. "Y-yeah, this is my son, Theodore" Mama introduced, standing next to him, wrist still in her loose grasp.

"Your—your—?" And again one of his relatives is sputtering over the fact that he exists, "Your _son?"_ Uncle Diego scoffed "I can't believe you—!"

Theodore can't believe the gall his uncle has to try and turn this around on Mama, and in the end it's the last straw for him before he took a step forward towards his uncle, a threatening growl low in his throat. It's clearly not what Uncle Diego nor Auntie Allison had expected as both look shocked at his reaction and both fall into practised stances—shoulders up, body tensed, waiting for a fight—He's just about baring his teeth in a snarl when Mama tugged on his wrist, puling him gently back into line.

"Are you done?" Mama demanded, stepping forth and Theodore felt pride swell up inside him, as the question is directed towards his angry uncle. Gone is the timid creature of her usual self, instead replaced by the cold, barbed wire and fiery ice that he's only ever seen once or twice. Backing down, Theodore shuffled back a step or two as his mother took center-stage, looking very much like a force of nature you ought not to mess with.

"A—am I—?" Uncle Diego spluttered, his attention snapping from his tall retreating nephew to his tiny approaching fierce sister. "You gotta a lot a nerve!"

"Yeah, I do" She nodded once, cold eyes boring into his soul as the person he had once known disappeared. Behind her, Theodore can't stop grinning, well aware that he probably looks like a loon, not that he cared. Off to the side he spotted his aunt mirroring his expression, although hers was a lot less noticeable. "When you've calmed down, I'll explain"

"…You're an ab-absolute hypocrite" Uncle Diego stammered, making something in Mama's expression soften.

"That's fair" Mama acquiesced with a small nod.

"You shouldn't have come here" Uncle Diego just sneered at Mama and turned away from them, disappearing up the stairs and 'round the corner. And then they're alone again and the silence stretched on in the big empty foyer.

Turning back to the mother and son duo, Auntie Allison purposely widened her eyes and raised an eyebrow for a moment before letting it go, blowing out a deep breath as she did so. "Well then" She sighed in a put-upon manner; sending an amused smile towards Theodore who replied with an uncertain smile on his own lips. In turn, Mama let out a shaky breath and when she replied, her voice was thick with emotion. "He's right, it was a mistake to come here"

"But _Mama!"_ Theodore whined childishly, turning to his mother in time to miss the flinch from his aunt. "Can't we look around? Just a little bit?"

"He's right" Auntie hurriedly stepped in, "You belong here" And then auntie enveloped Mama in an awkward hug. It's clearly weird and uncomfortable but the two don't separate straight away.

"Now" Auntie eventually pulled back and fondly tucked a loose strand of hair behind Mama's ear, "You wanna explain?"

"I—yeah, I will" Mama nodded, "It's just—it's complicated. There's a reason I didn't tell anyone—I had to keep him safe. I—I'd rather tell everyone when we're together. Y'know, if they even care"

Auntie nodded sagely with pursed lips before turning to Theodore and holding out her hand for him to shake. "Hello" She greeted her nephew, "I'm your Aunt. My name's Allison"

"T-Theo. My name is Theo" Theodore replied, gripping her manicured hand in his and trying to hide a wince at how he tripped over his own words.

"It's nice to meet you, Theo" Auntie smiled, "Y'know, I've got a daughter too"

"I've got a cousin?" Theo brightened, gaze flickering between the two women. "Can I see? Is she here?"

"Teddy—" Mama interjected at the downtrodden expression that flitted across Auntie's face.

"—It's alright, sis" Auntie smiled, lips tight and thin. "She's not here, but here's a picture of her"

Auntie Allison pulled out her slick silver smart phone to show him a picture of his younger cousin. She was a cute little thing with chocolate skin and dirt brown hair that poofed around her face like a little cloud. The photo showed her laughing jovially as she splashed in a big puddle, polka dot umbrella forgotten to the side and matching raincoat drenched in rainwater. "She's _so little!"_ Theodore squealed, rising a little higher to see over his aunt's shoulder as she flicked through a few more.

"Well she is only eight" Auntie smiled, sparing a glance towards the teen hovering over her shoulder. "Oh"

"What?" Theodore asked, though he didn't raise his eyes from the phone.

"Theodore" Mama scolded, her tone a little deadpan. It's what made him look down at his feet to see that he was literally hovering over his aunt's shoulder.

"Oops" He smiled bashfully as his feet quickly dropped the foot to the floor.

"Teddy—" Mama sighed, turning to him, "Why don't you go explore the house a bit?"

"Can I?" Theodore grinned, his face lighting up in unbridled excitement.

"The library's 'round the corner" Mama nodded towards the door on the left, which he not-quite sprinted towards. "LEAVE YOUR SHOES ON!"

"NO PROMISES!" He called over his shoulder, unabashedly leaving his mother to his aunt's vulture-like gaze.


	8. Explorations of a Bygone Past

Theodore waited a mere two minutes before he toed off his dreaded loafers, leaving them to gather dust by one of the couches in the parlour. The next thing he was racing through the long, twisting corridors and sliding down wooden hallways on mismatched socks with a bright grin that hadn't been seen in the academy halls for a long time. Laughter billowed from his lips, echoed by Loren in his head as the two rushed by a line of renaissance-style family portraits that descended in numbers as the years grew—not one of them included Mama in them—and framed magazine articles praising the Umbrella Academy.

There was just so much of the mansion to explore and Theodore wanted to see it all. The first of his stops included the subterranean levels where he found pair of dark grim rooms—one filled with only a large water tank, like the kind you'd see at Sea World. Another was occupied by some kind of soundproof room that gave him the willies.

Next was the library and adjoining rooms. _I am so coming back here!_ Theodore thought, eyes wide and staring at the towering ornate bookshelves and the painted ceiling. It was like something out of one of Auntie's period films; with the marble pillars, twisting staircases and wooden ladders that slid along the many bookshelves.

Beside that was a small music room off to the side, just as his mother had described, filled with every kind of instrument imaginable and sheets of music wallpapered to the walls. There was even a grand piano, but that was seated at the end of the parlour where Mama & an ape butler appeared to be talking. "Theo!" His mother called as he slid down the bannister of the stairs on the way to explore the rest of the house.

"Mama?" Theodore puzzled as he joined his mother by the head of the large dining table at the end of the hall. The ape-man stared at Theodore with the most unnerving and peculiar look in his old eyes; though he was pretty sure it was less about himself and more that it was hard to read his apeish expressions.

"Theodore, this is Pogo" Mama cleared her throat before introducing her son to the snazzily dressed ape, "Pogo, this is Theodore. He's—he's my son"

"Your so—" Pogo repeated, choking on the back half of the word as some unidentifiable emotion flittered across his aged features.

"Hi Gruncle Pogo" Theodore greeted, giving a small smile as he shyly rocked on his heels, unknowingly mirroring his mother in the familiar movement. "Mama's told me lots of stories"

"Gruncle?" Mama pondered, head cocked in question before Pogo could reply.

"Yeah, Great Uncle—Gruncle" Theodore shrugged as if it made all the sense in the world.

"All right" She sighed.

"My goodness…" Pogo exclaimed quietly watching the exchange with an unbridled smile and tears in his eyes. He appeared touched by the title bestowed upon him, and so incredibly happy about it. His spectacles were soon replaced after drying his wet eyes and he clasped Theodore's hands gently in his own, cane and all. "Hello, dear Theodore, its very nice to meet you" His words become choked as he continued on in that grandfatherly tone.

Theodore didn't growl at him like he'd done with Uncle Diego, nor did he hover about like he'd done with Auntie Allison; instead he smiled softly with bright eyes that drank up every detail of the ape before him. It should have be quite an odd sight—an intelligent ape dressed in a fine two-piece suit—but he justified that he's got a voice in his head that manifests itself as loralite and a mother who eats fluffer-nutter sandwiches like they're going out of style, so who's he to judge?

"I do hope Miss Vanya hasn't said anything too embarrassing about me" Pogo mentioned after a moment of study. Theodore's eyes sparkled in mischief and he grinned when his mother's expression turned wary at the look.

"Did you really put glow-in-the-dark goggly eyes on stuff around the house?" Theodore asked.

"Ah, that was rather enjoyable, yes" Pogo smiled, eyes twinkling in matching mischief.

"Is that Uncle Five?" Theodore then asked, peering over the ape's shoulder and up at the regal portrait perched above the roaring fireplace.

"Yeah, Teddy, that's him" Mama replied softly from his left, as the trio turned to the picture.

"Why's there a picture of him up there?"

"Dad put it up there after he was lost. He's been gone for a long time now"

"Almost 16 years, four months and fourteen days" Pogo supplied, staring up at the face of the missing child. He turned to face the questioning looks from both brunettes next to him. "Your father insisted I keep track"

"…That's a long time" Theodore murmured as his mother nodded in acknowledgement.

"Indeed"

"You wanna know something stupid?" Mama murmured, "I always used to leave the lights on for him. I was scared that he would come back; it would be late, the house would be dark and he wouldn't be able to find us, so he'd leave again"

"Like Gramma does for Molly?" Theodore questioned, referring to Mrs Kowalski's youngest daughter who had followed in George's footsteps into the military.

"Yeah, just like Gramma does for Molly" Mama nodded. "Anyway, every night I'd make a little snack & make sure all the lights were on"

"Oh, I remember your snacks" Pogo smiled kindly, "I'm pretty sure I stepped in half your peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches…You're father always believed that Master Five was still out there somewhere, he never lost hope"

"And look where that got him"

_Well._

* * *

Just as it had been the first time, meeting Uncle Klaus for the second time had been a wild ride. After the depressing turn in conversation between Gruncle Pogo & Mama, Theodore had wandered into a large study where said man was scrounging through the bottom drawers of the desk muttering to himself all the while. It wasn't until a not-quite-there whisper had floated through the air did he pop out from behind the desk—but not before hitting his and cursing loudly.

"Er…" Theodore froze in the doorway, once again locking eyes with his uncle.

"And what's a gorgeous thing like you doing in here?" Uncle Klaus draped himself across the leather chair and placed his feet up on the desk in what was probably supposed to be a seductive or sexual pose. But it wasn't having the desired affect.

"…" There was a pause as the whispering buzz sounded again and Uncle Klaus turned to hiss at it. Theodore kind of remembered asking if Uncle Klaus had an imaginary friend or a naughty bedroom friend when he was younger. Of course, he'd just been parroting what Gramma had said offhandedly at some point, so it's not like he knew what he was talking about at the time. He did now.

Scrunching his nose up in disgust at the implications that his uncle was offering, Theodore backed out of the room muttering "Ew!" under his breath as he did so. As he turned, he could've sworn that Uncle Klaus' expression had fallen into something a little hurt and offended, but it was instantly wiped away when Theodore glanced back again. The 'HELLO' hand waved at him as he left, door wide open behind him.

"MAMA!" Theodore shouted out into the hall as he went, knowing full-well that his mother would be able to hear him even if he whispered. For as good as his hearing was (owing to his Legacies), her was _always_ better.

"WHAT?!" Mama called back, her voice just as loud. The sound of his spluttering uncle followed after him as he went.

"UNCLE'S HITTING ON ME!" Theodore replied, fighting the grin on his lips as Uncle Klaus spluttered harder, if at all possible.

"KLAUS!" Mama sounded closer now, likely yelling up the stairs. "STOP HITTING ON YOUR NEPHEW!"

"Wha—!" Uncle Klaus exploded out from the study and peered over the mezzanine's railing. "VANNY—!"

"You have a son?!" A very, _very_ large man in a trench coat called from across the way. He appeared to have been talking to Uncle Diego. Theodore absolutely knows without looking that his mother was glaring at him, and so in a very mature fashion, concluded that now was the time to disappear into the folds of the house.

Leaving his mother to her wolfish siblings down in the parlour, Theodore returned to exploring the huge house. Moving on from the first floor, he decided that snooping through the bedrooms was the next order of business. He didn't get very far however before the sound of approaching footsteps were accompanied by muffled voices demanding answers.

Theodore froze like a deer in the headlights before he began to flounder, eyes wide and hands flapping as he searched for a place to hide since he didn't particularly want to meet his other uncles right now—especially if they were anything like Uncle Diego or Uncle Klaus. Thankfully, his gaze snagged on the only obvious exit—a flight of stairs near the back wall—which he rushed towards on silent feet and waited there for them to pass by.

Releasing the breath he didn't know he was holding, Theodore peered precariously around the corner into time to see Auntie Allison talking to the very, _very_ big man in a trench coat that he didn't recognise. But the scent that followed after him was one that was similar to Pogo's, so he figured maybe he's a relative of some kind. Another uncle maybe?

Ever curious, Theodore stayed rooted in place as the two talked, their voices carrying back through the empty halls. His brows knotted when he realised the topic at hand was himself. "I just don't understand, how can she have a son?" The man asked, his voice low and rough but unsuspectingly gentle.

"I don't know, Luther" Auntie Allison replied, "She just showed up with a boy and said she would explain when we were all together. So if we want answers, we should get to the living room with everyone else"

**_CREAK!_ **

The man—Uncle Luther—spared a glance over his broad shoulder when the floorboards beneath Theodore's feet creaked, making him duck back around the corner and out of sight. " _Go away! Go away!"_ Loren chanted in time with Theodore's beating heart as they waited to be found. Ears twitched as he listened to Uncle Luther's big arms thump against his sides as he groused. "Fine, but I'm still confused"

When Theodore looked again, the pair had disappeared from the mezzanine hallway and he let himself slouch against the corner in relief. Another breath escaped from his lips, blowing his curly fringe out of his eyes before he ascended the stairs and found himself at the mouth of a newly discovered hallway. This one was decorated with childlike pin-up posters with very odd subject matter imprinted on them.

Each of the laminated posters were labelled with words like _Disarm, Kick_ and even _Gouge_ ; beneath which laid colourfully illustrated images of children performing said action described. _"Oh! So that's how you do it!"_ Loren exclaimed as Theodore recalled an incident from the School where a failed escape attempt by one of his cellmates had involved something a little less tactful.

"The chip probably didn't help" Theodore replied, his hand rubbing at the nape of his own neck where said chip still laid buried. There was no scar, but if he prodded hard enough, he could feel the edges of the small device stuck there. The chips in question were something akin to a shock collar, meant to keep the captured Garde children in line when they misbehaved (or even when they didn't). Of course there were other methods of punishment (such as the weaponised high-frequencies of sound) but they were usually reserved for after the Garde developed their major Legacy. It was a constant source of anxiety for them. What would set the soldiers off? The Mogadorians? Who would be safe that day? Would anyone?

Theodore shook the dark thoughts from his head as he peeked inside the first room to find a very stereotypical teenage bedroom (as seen on TV). The walls had been scribbled on in sharpie and paint, posters were glued _everywhere_ and a nice string of winking fairy lights ignited the beds in a soft amber glow. Despite the obvious warmth of the room, there was just something there that made his hair stand on end. Whatever it was, it was enough to send him packing back out the door and into the next room.

The next two rooms sprouted at the junction at the end of the hallway; the one on the left clearly a boy's room and the one of the right a girl's. The one on the left was decorated in various model aeroplanes and rocket ships—some of them are models & some of them are toys—there was even a _ginormous_ pair of boots languishing haphazardly in the middle of the floor that are pretty surreal. _"What the hell?"_ Lore breathed as Theodore bent down for closer inspection.

"Oh God! Those are definitely real!" Theodore coughed, gagging on the sweaty stench emanating from them.

Somehow Theodore just _knows_ that the room on the right of the hall belonged to Auntie Allison—he knows Mama & there's _no way_ this was her room. It's all pink and frilly and just screamed: teenage girl! From the old magazine cut-outs glued to the vanity mirror to the girl power posters on the walls. Then there's the garish floral bedspread and even several pink feather boas that are hung on one wall. It took no one to twist his arm to put one on.

"How do I look?" Theodore posed in front of the full length mirror with the hot pink feather boa, wrapping it around his neck several times over until it looked like a feathery neck.

 _"Like a flamingo with gas"_ Loren sassed.

"Oh like you could do better?"

_"I would look stun~ning! Thank you very much!"_

"I'd like to see you try!"

_"Nngh!"_

"Nngh!"

The boa is soon returned to its hook however when the sound of voices from the parlour rose to a crescendo, drawing him out of the room and towards the noise. He knew that it'd probably be easier for Mama to explain everything if he's there, but he's also not great with new people, so…In the end its the loud exclamations and shouts around the word "power" that had him spinning on his socked heel and disappearing down another corridor. _"Aren't you going to see what's going on?"_ Loren asked, _"They're talking about you"_

"Mama's got it handled—It'd be rude to interrupt them now" Theodore fired back. "Not to mention awkward"

_"Wuss!"_

"Fuck off!"

_"No!"_

Eventually his feet led him to a section of the house he had yet to explore (it seemed like the building would go on forever and he wondered if a map of the place had ever been made). Somehow he found himself in the kitchen, only stopping short when he noticed that is wasn't uninhabited like he first thought.

There was a beautiful woman standing by the sink, humming absently and washing something with elbow length rubber gloves. It's the same young blonde that had been staring aimlessly into the fire when they arrived; the one Mama had called Mom. Nana. For some reason Theodore couldn't connect 'Nana' with the spry woman before him; in comparison to Gramma (his only source of comparison), Nana is anything but white-haired and wrinkly.

Even though he _knows_ that Nana isn't human (she's in fact a robot that Grandfather had built), it's still hard to tell. Her skin glowed a lovely pale colour and her lips were perfectly painted in red; paired with the '50s style dress that she wore, she gave off this air of perfect housewife. It's memorising; especially as an unknown catchy tune floats from her lips and into his head.

 _"Good going, moron!"_ Loren snarked when Theodore bumped into the edge of the kitchen table with a hiss. He'd intended to introduce himself a little more gracefully.

"Klaus?" A gentle voice questioned, making him freeze as he debated whether or not running right now would be rude. One could argue that Nana's not actually talking to Theodore, considering she doesn't know who _he_ is, but he's used enough loopholes to know that that's flimsy at best. "Is everything all right, Klaus?" Nana asked again, wearing a look of concern that would've seemed genuine if the smile wasn't so wide nor the eyes so vacant.

"Uh…I'm not Klaus" Theodore mumbled as he rose, his uncle's name sounding foreign on his tongue without the title.

"Oh? You're not?" Nana played along.

"No, I'm Theodore" He swallowed, "Vanya's son—your grandson"

Nana froze, her blank-eyed expression reminding him of a buffering screen. It's a little unnerving. Just as Loren suggested checking for life, when his grandmother's face erupted into picturesque happiness. _"Theodore"_ She repeated reverently, before her tone shifted again to something more detached and factual sounding, "Derived from _Theodoros,_ meaning 'God-given' or 'gift of God' in Greek"

"That's cool…" Theodore murmured.

 _"Hell yeah! We're Godly gifts! Suck it Mogadorians!"_ Loren crowed.

"Oh my goodness!" Nana gasped quietly, overcome with emotion as she snapped back to her usual state "Yes, yes, I can see it now. You've got my Vanya's eyes! And the hair!" She holds him at arm's length and Theodore doesn't have the heart to tell her he's adopted.

Gentle hands slid up his arms to cup his cheeks, holding his face between them. _They're cold._ Was the first thought that popped into his mind, and he wondered if robots could feel and/or generate heat like people do. But it's not what captured Theodore's attention; it's her smile. The smile Nana wears is so profoundly proud—like Mama's toothy grins—but brighter (if possible). "You're so beautiful, my sweet little boy" Nana cooed in a hushed voice, squishing his cheeks together like play dough.

"Would you like something to eat, sweetheart?" Nana inquired, strolling back over to the counter to continue her previous task. Theodore blinked at the abrupt mood swing, soothing his pinched cheeks as he did so. Stepping further into the kitchen, more things become apparent. Passing under the brick archway, he can see that the storefront at the end is occupied by child-sized things—chairs, cutlery, step-stools. There's even a box of old crayons next to the fruit bowl. "Food?" He puzzled, tilting his head in confusion as he studied the room around him.

"Of course!" Nana exclaimed, "I _always_ take care of my family, and you are a part of my family."

Something warm and fuzzy sang in Theodore's heart and it brushed away the fears of being rejected as easily as the grin spread across his lips. He understood the sentiment though, thinking of his mother that morning, remembering things—secret things—he wasn't supposed to notice. Like the untouched food or the tired eyes that could barely stay open, and he understood. He understood because he took care of his family too, so he turned to his waiting grandmother.

"Can we make cookies?"


	9. Uncle Five Arrives in Style

_Children behave, that's what they say  
_ _When we're together  
_ _And watch how you play  
_ _They don't understand and so we're  
_ _Running just as fast as we can  
_ _Holdin' on to one another's hand  
_ _Tryin' to get away into the night  
_ _And then you put your arms around me  
_ _And we tumble to the ground_

It's to the sounds of Tiffany's _'I Think We're Alone Now'_ bellowing from the house that Theodore (& Loren) decided scaling the large overgrown satellite dish on the roof—the one above the courtyard with a statue of his Uncle Ben—was the best idea. With socks stuffed into his pocket, sleeves rolled up to his elbows and crystallised loralite erupting from his forearms & calves then curling into large claws, Theodore began the climb.

_And then you say  
_ _I think we're alone now  
_ _There doesn't seem to be anyone around  
_ _I think we're alone now  
_ _The beating of our hearts is the only sound_

_"Ha! Look at 'em go!"_ Loren chuckled when they were halfway up the dish, causing Theodore to dig his claws in and spare a glance in the direction of the house. From the angle and placement of the satellite on the roof, they were able to see little sections of the house through its many, _many_ windows. From the brick-laden kitchen where Uncle Klaus was waltzing with Grandfather's urn, to the foyer stairwell where Mama was awkwardly shifting through dance moves like a broken robot.

"Haha!" Theodore laughed brightly as he watched the rest of his family dance like no one was watching. In the planetarium knock-off bedroom, Uncle Luther was bobbing his head as he shuffled like a crab passed the window. To the right, in her old bedroom, Auntie Allison was swinging the feather boa around like a lasso and last but not least, was Uncle Diego who was jumping around the parlour like a fish on the floor, before falling into his version of the running man.

_Look at the way  
_ _We gotta hide what we're doin'  
_ _'Cause what would they say  
_ _If they ever knew and so we're  
_ _Running just as fast as we can  
_ _Holdin' on to one another's hand  
_ _Tryin' to get away into the night  
_ _And then you put your arms around me  
_ _And we tumble to the ground_

_"C'me on, Ted! Let's show 'em how it's done!"_ Loren crowed, launching them further up the satellite dish until the hybrid had landed atop the rim with a small thud and creak.

"Whoa! Check out that view!" Theodore crowed staring down at the tiny little ant-like people who rushed to and fro through the streets of the city. Cars whizzed by so fast they looked like little blurs of colour and light and he dug his clawed toes into the satellite when the wind buffeted against him. Adrenaline pumped in his veins as his arms shot up into the air. Theodore's voice layered with Loren's and the two crowed into the uncaring wind, "Haha! WOOOO! I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!"

Mindless of the twigs in his hair and grass stains on his clothes, the hybrid boy swayed and shimmied along the rim of the satellite, uncaring if he fell from such a great height. There was just something about doing stupid shit like this that set his blood on fire. Theodore knew that if his mother could see him know, she would _undoubtedly_ have a panic attack, a heart attack or yell at him—or all three. But with those thoughts delicately shoved to the back of his mind, he snatched a particularly gnarled twig from his hair and used it as a microphone as he sang and danced along to the old song.

_And then you say  
_ _I think we're alone now  
_ _There doesn't seem to be anyone around  
_ _I think we're alone now  
_ _The beating of our hearts is the only sound  
_ _I think we're alone now (alone now)  
_ _There doesn't seem to be anyone around  
_ _I think we're alone now (alone now)  
_ _The beating of our hearts is the only so—_

**_WHOOSH! CRASH! KABOOM!_ **

"Holy shit!" Theodore cried, latching onto the rim of the satellite like a koala as the old dish began to move. Creaking like an old steel drum, the satellite swung towards the right so that the concave side now overlooked the courtyard. The same courtyard—mind you—that was now suddenly aglow in a bright blue light.

 _"It can't be…!"_ Loren trailed off as Theodore stared wide-eyed up at the blue swirling mass of vortex in the sky above them. Body tensed beyond belief, Theodore froze atop the satellite as he waited for some kind of Mogadorian spacecraft to come spewing out just as they had done eight years ago. Nightmarish images flashed through his brain and he slapped a hand over his mouth in his effort to make himself invisible. _"They can't be here! They can't be!"_ Loren wailed, sharing in his fearful disbelief. _"We have to run! We have to get outta here!"_

"What is it?" Mama's scared voice sounded, dragging him from his thoughts and turning his attention down to the courtyard where she had gathered with his aunt & uncles.

"Don't get too close!" Auntie warned.

"Yeah, _no shit!"_ Sassed Uncle Diego.

"We can't leave Mama!" Theodore said firmly with his eyes locked on her tiny figure.

 _"We can't stay here!"_ Loren argued.

"Shh! Something's happening!"

"…It looks like some sort of temporal anomaly" Uncle Luther shouted, "Either that or a miniature blackhole—one of the two"

 _"Or it's a door in space for alien monsters to come and take us away again!"_ Loren cried.

"That's a pretty big difference there, Paul Bunyan!" Uncle Diego fired back, unaware of the inner monologue going on in his nephew's head. To be fair, he likely didn't even know he was there—what with the giant blue vortex pulsating between them.

"OUTTA THE WAY!" Uncle Klaus suddenly burst onto the scene swinging a fire extinguisher like a battering ram—at least until he flicked his gaze between the pulsating mass and the tiny little device in his hands. His next course of action was to throw it _through_ the vortex.

"WHAT WAS _THAT_ GONNA DO?!" Auntie demanded as Uncle Klaus back-pedalled.

"I DON'T KNOW! DO _YOU_ HAVE BETTER IDEA?!"

"Whoa!" Theodore flinched, flattening himself against the satellite when the vortex pulsed, washing the courtyard in a brighter blue and sending the others running and ducking for cover.

"EVERYONE! GET BEHIND ME!" Uncle Luther ordered, swinging his arms up in order to shelter his smaller siblings behind his large & bulky form.

"YEAH, GET BEHIND _US!"_ Uncle Diego added, clearly not one to be outdone even at a time like this. From the disbelieving look on Auntie's face, she shared the sentiment.

"I VOTE FOR RUNNING!" Uncle Klaus piped up as he gripped tight to Mama's wrist and began to drag her backwards towards the house. "C'ME ON!" But no one moved, instead remaining rooted in place as a figure began to emerged from the vortex. _"Oh Gods! They're coming! They're coming!"_ Loren whined as Theodore's heart jackhammered in his chest. _"We're gonna die! We're gonna die!"_

From his viewpoint, Theodore could only see a portion of the emerging figure, but it was enough of them for him to see that they didn't have the tall and elvish appearance of the Mogadorians nor the stocky muscular build of the soldiers from the School. Instead, he appeared almost elderly; but that soon changed as they morphed into a boy, one somewhere around his young teens and drowning in the large black suit he wore. "Do—do you think…they're Loric?" Theodore murmured, rising a little from his position as the pulsating portal disappeared with a zip and a whoosh, as if it had never been there to begin with.

 _"But—but the Council Nine! Most of them are dead!"_ Loren spluttered.

"Garde then?"

_"Loric or Human?"_

"Does it matter?"

_"It does when we're being hunted, you moron!"_

"But it's been eight years! Why start now?"

_"Who cares?! They're doing it and you're gonna die if you don't get your act together!"_

"All right! I get it!"

"Does—does anyone see little Number Five?" Uncle Klaus stammered as the group of rattled siblings shuffled forward to inspect the boy who had—quite literally—dropped from the sky. "Or is that just me?" Mama had told him that Uncle Five was lost, and Theodore had read through the various accounts of the Umbrella Academy over the years (including Mama's bitter book) in an effort to get to know his aunt & uncles further (including their various powers), but _how the hell_ was he s'posed to know he could do _that?!_ Each of his family members wore varying expressions of disbelief, shock and awe as the boy—Uncle Five—looked down at himself. Not that Theodore could blame them, he was pretty shocked himself.

"Shit"

* * *

Sliding down the satellite was much easier than it had been climbing up it, or it would have been had Theodore's limbs stopped shaking. As it was Theodore eventually made his way to ground, stumbling over a rocky landing and scrambled into the house after the rest of his family. _Where the hell—Oh"_ He turned this way and that, trying to decided _where_ in the ginormous house they could've gone—at least he did, until the sound of voices drifting out from the kitchen told him.

Upon arriving in the kitchen Theodore found Mama seated at the dining table alongside Uncle Luther. Auntie Allison & Uncle Diego remained standing behind them and Uncle Klaus sat cross-legged atop the table aggressively sucking on the joint in his hand. Uncle Five was the only one moving around, aggressively slamming slices of bread down onto the chopping board and slathering them in peanut butter. _Eurgh!_ Theodore groused from the doorway, watching his smallest uncle sprinkle the open sandwich in marshmallows. _Him too?_

"So…" Uncle Luther drawled watching Uncle Five like a hawk as he flitted about the kitchen. "Are we gonna talk about what just happened?" When Uncle Five refused to answer and the others shared odd looks between them, Uncle Luther jumped to his feet and used his large size to try and intimidate Uncle Five. "It's been seventeen years!"

 _"Actually it's been sixteen years, four months and fourteen days"_ Loren sassed, parroting Gruncle Pogo.

"It's been _a lot_ longer than that" Uncle Five sneered as he teleported over to the counter and back again.

"I haven't missed that" Uncle Luther muttered.

"Where'd you go?" Uncle Diego asked, moving to sit on the table next to Uncle Klaus.

"The future" Uncle Five replied. "It's shit, by the way"

"Called it!" Uncle Klaus sang, gesturing with his joint through clouds of smoke, but he was ignored.

"Heh, I should've listened to the old man, y'know? Jumping through space is one thing, but jumping through time is a toss of the dice"

"Are we _sure_ he's not Garde?" Theodore murmured, watching the proceedings with wide eyes.

 _"I guess we'll have to find out"_ Loren replied. _"Y'know, without getting savagely murdered or dragged back to the School"_

Turning back to the situation at hand, Theodore spotted the moment as Uncle Five finally looked—really looked—at his siblings since he had returned. His expression softened and shoulders sagged as his tired gaze roved over each of them. From Mama's concerned stare beneath layers of clothes to Auntie Allison's wary gaze and Uncle Diego's forcefully laidback slouch. His gaze roved over Uncle Luther who still stood hovering over him and Uncle Klaus who fiddled with his hands and the tassels of his skirt. There was even a point when Theodore could've sworn that Uncle Five's gaze had brushed over him, but narrowed eyes quickly swept back towards his mother before he could be sure. "Nice dress"

"Oh, well, danke—!" Uncle Klaus swirled the tassels in the air in reply.

"—Now wait a minute!" Mama interrupted, "How did you get back?"

"In the end I had to project my consciousness forward into a suspended quantum state version of myself that exists across every possible instance of time" Uncle Five replied dryly.

"That makes no sense" Uncle Diego dismissed.

"Well, it would if you were smarter"

Unsurprisingly this brought a rise out of Uncle Diego who jumped to his feet and moved to tackle Uncle Five; and he would have too, if Uncle Luther hand't swung a large arm out to block him in an almost blasé manner. "How long were you there?" Uncle Luther pursued.

"45 years" Uncle Five shrugged, "Give or take"

 _"What?"_ Loren deadpanned, mirroring how Theodore felt. _"Wait—does that make him a pocketwatch?"_

 _Loren!_ Theodore thought, slapping a hand to his mouth as he tried to contain his sudden bout of snickers.

"…So what are you saying?" Uncle Luther persisted after a pause as he and Uncle Diego collapsed backwards into their seats. "You're 58?"

"No" Uncle Five drawled as if he was talking to a child, "My _consciousness_ is 58. Apparently, my _body_ is now 13 again"

"Wait, how does that even work?" Mama tried again.

"Delores get saying the equations were off" Uncle Five replied as he finished the disgusting sandwich and took a bite out of it. "Eh, guess she's laughing now"

"Delores?"

"Mm…guess I missed the funeral" Uncle Five returned to the table after replacing the loaf of bread in the fridge and inspected the newspaper sitting there. The article on the front page was the same one that had been plastered along all the street corners and media outlets since Grandfather's death. The headlines varied of course, but they were all something along the lines of _'GOODBYE BILLIONAIRE REGINALD HARGREEVES'_ The formal funeral had been that morning, one with 'old friends' speaking their eulogies about their 'dear old Reggie'—most of it was just for show.

"How'd you know about that?" Uncle Luther queried.

"What part of 'the future' do you not understand?" Uncle Five retorted, "Heart failure, huh?"

"Yeah" Uncle Diego hummed.

"No" Uncle Luther denied.

"Mm—nice to see nothing's changed" Uncle Five hummed, slapping the paper back onto the table as he took another bite of his sandwich.

 _"Mm…marshmallows"_ Loren hummed as Theodore's eyes zoomed in on said packet lying forgotten on the table.

 _We can interrupt now, right?_ Theodore thought, shuffling forward out of the small puddle he'd left on the kitchen floor. _They're done, right?_

 _"Just hurry up and grab them!"_ Loren urged as Theodore surged forward and grabbed the packet, stuffing a few of the pink and white delectables into his mouth. He made to zip back out the door unseen but was unfortunately caught by his mother before he could do that.

"Teddy!" Mama exclaimed, getting to her feet and dragging him down for and an awkward hug where his arms were trapped by his side. "Where _the hell_ have you been?"

"Uh…up?" Theodore replied, though it sounded more like a question than an answer.

Shuffling in place as his mother pulled back to check him for any injuries, he was sure that she had tuned out his aunt and uncles who were now watching the spectacle with amused eyes. "You were 'up'?" Mama raised a brow at him. He swallowed nervously, whether from all the eyes on him or his mother's inquisitive stare, he wasn't sure.

"Yup" He nodded.

"Please tell me you wren't climbing the satellite dish…" Mama sighed, tiredly picking out the leftover twigs and leaves still entailed in his curly locks.

"Okay…" He murmured, eyes wide and expression screaming 'caught!' as he shoved more marshmallows into his mouth as if that would help.

"Theodore…!" She warned.

"You told me not to tell you!" He tried. Off to the side, Uncle Klaus snickered at the remark.

"Don't split hairs with me!" Mama slapped him upside the head in reprimand.

"Sorry Mama" He apologised around the food in his mouth, head bowed. _Don't look down! Don't look down!_

"I swear…" She shook her head in disbelief before sparing a glance down at his wet feet. "And where are your shoes?"

"Er…"

"Theodore James!"

"Um…"

Thankfully Uncle Luther chose that particular moment to interrupt. "Hey! Hey! Is this him? Is this your son?" That seemed to remind Mama that they weren't alone as she spun around to face her siblings still gathered around the table, all of them watching of with varying degrees of amusement. Surprisingly only Uncle Luther seemed to be the only one out of the loop, despite only three of the six siblings actually meeting their nephew.

"Uh…yeah" Mama swallowed as she drew herself up with a sigh. "Luther, Five, Klaus this is my son, Theodore. Teddy, this is Luther, Five & Klaus, your other uncles"

"…Hi" Theodore gave a shy wave, suddenly uncertain with all the eyes on him. Uncle Five's lips twitched at the familiar action, having seen Mama perform the same one many times over.

"So, what's this about powers?" Uncle Luther persisted.

"Um…"

"Yeah, what _can_ you do?" Uncle Klaus added.

"Er…" Theodore nervously stepped backwards at the sudden onslaught of questions as he was reminded of pushy scientist with devilish features demanding something of the same nature. Swallowing thickly, he spared a glance towards his mother who looked about five seconds away from pouncing on of his uncles.

Neither Uncle Five nor Uncle Diego bothered asking questions, instead Uncle Diego plucked up a lonesome marshmallow which had been languishing in the second packet on the table, next to the jar of peanut butter and launched it at Theodore. "Eep!" Not expecting the flying fluffy projectile, Theodore reflexively threw his arms up in front of his face; not that it would've mattered as the piece of food stopped mere centimetres from his hands.

"DUCK!"" Uncle Klaus cried, covering his head with his hands as if he expected more marshmallows to fly.

"Diego—!" Mama warned, turning on him with fierce eyes and hands planted on the table.

"Hey!" Auntie jumped.

"What the hell…" Uncle Diego breathed, watching the pink marshmallow float in the air instead of his irate sister.

"Is he—are you—how are you doing that?" Luther spluttered, his gaze flickering between the piece of food and his nephew. Uncle Five just raised a brow as he ate his sandwich.

"I'm not a dancing monkey!" Theodore glared, dropping his arms as the marshmallow suddenly returned fire and lodged itself in the wall behind them. As he left the kitchen, Theodore could've sworn that Uncle Luther had stiffened at the comment, but he was too upset to care. The sound of his uncles followed him out the door.

"Way to go, Diego!"

**_SMACK!_ **

"Ow!"


	10. The Dismal Funeral

About an hour before sundown found Theodore safely tucked away on one of the exposed rafter beams that supported the large chandelier in the parlour; huddled beneath a crotched throw blanket like a babushka with his headphones shoved over his ears and plugged into the phone he held in his hands. With both feet sheathed in loralite and glued to the beam beneath he was able to as he pleased—which in this case, meant sulking away from his relatives under the guise of playing the go-kart game on his phone.

At one point all of his family members had filtered through the parlour room on their way to wherever in the house as they waited for sundown, for the family funeral to begin. Uncle Diego had even stopped to talk to Mama with a guilty look tinting his features, but Mama had been firm in her response and he had stormed off—likely to throw his knives at more things. Currently, Uncle Five and Mama were talking in soft voices about this and that, nothing of any real interest so Theodore refocused on his game as bitterness settled in his gut.

 _"Who do they think they are?"_ Loren grumbled over Johan Yousaf's _'Beggars'_ as the screen flashed:

_GAME OVER_

_REPLAY  
_ _BACK_

 _"What right do they got? Telling us what to do?"_ Somehow Theodore knew that Loren was less upset about his uncles' demands and more so about the old memories of the School which had sprung up unexpectedly.

"It's not like we asked _them_ to dance!" Theodore agreed, a little sour that they had demanded he demonstrate his powers without offering to demonstrate theirs.

_"Exactly! There nothing but stupid, self-centred bastards!"_

"Mama was right, we shouldn't have come here"

 _"And as soon as this blasted funeral is over, we're never coming back!"_ Theodore didn't reply, just angrily stuffed one of the warm cookies he'd made with Nana, into his mouth.

"THEO!" Mama called up through cupped hands, cutting through his bitter musings and loud song. Peering over the side of the beam as he pulled his headphones down to settle around his neck, he spotted his mother waiting beneath the chandelier with Uncle Five and Auntie Allison at her side. Uncle seemed almost amused when he caught sight of them, though both women appeared nervous at how high up he was. "IT'S TIME FOR THE FUNERAL! C'ME ON!"

 _"Well there goes our peace and quiet!"_ Loren sulked as Theodore pocketed his phone and unlatched his feet before tipping over the side of the beam. Shouts of alarm sounded from both Aunt and Uncle, but Mama remained nonplussed as he free-fell, missing the crystal chandelier by mere inches, before landing softly on the ground.

"Don't forget your shoes" Mama reminded softly as she removed the blanket from his head and went about carefully folding it up. Theodore nodded in acknowledgement, pointedly ignoring the other two in the room, as he sat down to put his socks and shoes back on again.

"So…" Auntie Allison panted, hand over heart as she turned to a nonplussed Mama. "Floating teenagers…that's normal for you then?"

"Mmhm" Mama hummed, placing the neatly folded blanket on the back of the couch. "It's really not the oddest place I've found him hiding in before"

"Seriously? What's weirder than a picnic in the rafters?"

Before Uncle Five could add his two cents Theodore rose to his feet, shoulders hunched up towards his ear and fists stuffed into his pockets. "I'm ready…" He murmured, shifting slightly as he waited for someone to lead on.

"Hood off" Mama reprimanded as Theodore huffily pulled his hood down, letting his curls flop free. "Tch! You've got crumbs everywhere—! C'me 'ere"

"Mama!" Theodore whined, trying to dodged the salvia-coated thumb as it wiped off stray crumbs from his face.

"All right! C'me on!" Uncle Five interjected from over Mama's shoulder, "We should go before Luther has an aneurism"

"Five!" Auntie scolded the short boy who merely scoffed in response and led the way out to the courtyard, grabbing an umbrella on the way. Theodore followed not long after, ducking out of his mother's grasp and away from wet appendages.

The forecast rain had started coming down in sprinkling showers and the cold biting air prickled at exposed skin, as the family made their way out to the courtyard and over to the little grotto next to a large dead tree. Off to the right sat Uncle Ben's marble statue which appeared to weeping from the rain running down it. "Did something happen?" Nana asked brightly as Theodore stood next to his mother at the far end of the semi-circle.

"Dad died" Auntie Allison replied, her face pinched in confusion. She wasn't the only one. "Remember?"

"Oh" Nana's tone shifted to something a little more worthy of the situation. "Yes, of course"

"Is Mom okay?" Auntie turned to Uncle Diego who refused to grab an umbrella, instead standing in the rain.

"Yeah, yeah" Uncle Diego lamely reassured them, "She's fine, she just needs to rest, y'know? Recharge"

"Whenever you're ready, dear boy" Gruncle Pogo turned to Luther, one hand on his cane and the other holding an umbrella. In turn, Uncle Luther, who had stood—without umbrella, like Uncle Diego—in front of the group with the tree at his back and Grandfather's urn in his hands.

As Uncle Luther froze, hand on lid and face drawn, Theodore glanced around at the gathered family members. Uncle Klaus and Five stood at the other end of the semi-circle, one with a pink umbrella & joint in hand—three guess who—and the other in school boy shorts, looking very much like trashy mother and son duo.

Next was Uncle Diego who refused to take an umbrella—likely because he wanted to one-up Uncle Luther who didn't have one either. Following that was Nana who watched the proceedings with the same vacant expression as before and Mama who looked like she wanted to be anywhere else but here. Gruncle Pogo and Uncle Luther seemed like the only two who genuinely wanted to be there. In that moment, Theodore liked to think he understood his new family a little better.

And then Uncle Luther tipped the urn over. The ashes of his Grandfather just sort of…flopped onto the ground in a dismal pile at their feet. "Ooh!" Uncle Klaus hissed through his teeth, wincing at the oh-so-graceful display.

"Probably would've been better with some wind" Uncle Luther offered.

 _"Probably would've been better with a body!"_ Loren laughed as the others shared looks of dismay.

"Does anyone wish to speak?" Gruncle Pogo asked. Theodore defiantly stared at his rain-covered shoes and noted that with the mud crawling up the sides, he'd have to wash them before school tomorrow or Mrs Fawcett would have his neck.

"Very well" Gruncle swallowed, "In all regards, Sir Reginald Hargreeves made me what I am today. For that alone, I shall forever be in his debt. He was my master and my friend and I shall miss him very much. He leaves behind a complicated legacy—"

"—He was a _monster"_ Uncle Diego interrupted.

"Haha!" Uncle Klaus huffed a disbelieving laugh as Uncle Diego voiced what they had all been thinking.

"He was a bad person and a worse father. The world's better off without him—"

"—Diego!" Auntie scolded, cutting him off.

"My _name_ is Number Two" Uncle Diego snarled. "Y'know why? Because our _father_ couldn't be bother to give us actual names. He had Mom do it" Though his other uncles (barring Uncle Luther) winced or looked away, they seemed to share the sentiment.

Theodore wanted nothing more than to yell and scream and hit Uncle Diego, anything to get him shut up—not because he liked his Grandfather, but because with each word that dropped from his lips Mama's face scrunched up in the way it did when she was trying to hide her real emotions. Instead, he simply switched the umbrella to his other hand so he slip his free one into his mother's hand.

"Would anyone like something to eat?" Nana asked, wanting to diffuse the situation before it got out of hand.

"No, it's okay Mom" Mama replied, not quite getting it.

"Oh, okay"

"Look, you wanna pay your respects?" Uncle Diego continued on the warpath, "Go ahead, but at least be honest about the kind of man he was"

"You should stop talking now" Uncle Luther warned.

"Y'know you of all people should be on my side, _Number One"_ He swaggered around to face Uncle Luther.

"I am _warning_ you!"

"After everything he did to you. He had to ship you a _million_ miles away—"

"—Diego! Stop. Talking!"

"—THAT'S how much he couldn't stand the SIGHT of you!" And that's all it took for the two men to start swinging punches.

"BOYS! Stop this at once!" Gruncle ordered as Mama herded Nana and himself back away from the fight. Across the way, Uncle Klaus did the same thing to Uncle Five, until his hand was swatted away by the annoyed boy.

"C'me on, big boy!" Uncle Diego taunted as Uncle Luther tackled him like an angry bull.

"STOP IT!" Mama called to no avail.

"HIT HIM!" Uncle Klaus cheered around the cigarette in his mouth. "HIT HIM!"

The two grown men continued to fight like children as Gruncle disappeared back into the house, soon followed by Uncle Five. It seemed that with every useless punch that Uncle Diego threw, Uncle Luther grew angrier and angrier until the taunt that seemed to break the camel's back and consequently anything Uncle Luther was holding back. "C'ME 'ERE BIG BOY!"

**_BANG! CRASH! THUD!_ **

Ducking out of the way of the blow aimed at his head, Uncle Diego was saved from the likely brain damage resulting in said hit. However Uncle Ben's statue which stood right behind him toppled off of its pedestal and hit the ground with a clang; effectively decapitating their dead brother. "Oh!" Uncle Klaus whined as Theodore jumped about a foot in the air.

"And there goes Ben's statue…" Auntie sighed, shaking her head before she walking off. But this didn't seem to be enough to break up the fight between the two brothers.

"Ben…" Mama whispered, tears pricking in the corners of her eyes. That was the last straw for Theodore who swung an arm out and pushed Uncle Diego up into the air where he struggled and writhed against his telekinetic hold.

"What the—!" Uncle Klaus breathed.

"PUT. ME. DOWN!" Uncle Diego struggled, unable to move.

"Theodore!" Mama demanded, shocked that he would do something so drastic. "Put him down!"

"But—but—Uncle—!" Theodore spluttered, turning to his stern mother.

_"Now"_

He stared at his mother for a moment or two, trying to decide if he could get away with more before he relented. Dropping his hand to his side with a grumble, Uncle Diego fell to the floor as Mama herded Theodore back inside. "Right, inside, let's go" She muttered as she pushed the teen along; pausing next to Uncle Diego as he pulled himself to his feet for a moment. "You never know when to stop, do you?"

"You got enough material for your sequel yet?" Uncle Diego replied scathingly.

"He was my father too" Mama retorted softly as she pushed her growling son away from his uncle.

Wet umbrellas were deposited into the stand by the door as they passed by and his mother pulled him through the house towards the foyer. Theodore rocked on his heels as they waited for the cab in silence and his mother swallowed another of her pills."Mama?" Theodore hedged into the silence.

"Mm?" Mama hummed distractedly.

"Can…can we still get donuts on the way home?"

"You think you get donuts after that stunt you pulled?"

"But he made you cry!"

"Theodore…"

"Please?"

"I'm really not in the mood…"

"Pretty please? I can get them myself! I'll even get those peanut butter ones you like!" Theodore bargained.

"…There's money in the peanuts can on the kitchen shelf" Mama sighed.

"Thanks Mama!" He smiled brightly, giving her a quick side hug and dashed off towards the kitchen in search of said money.

"Remember curfew's at 11pm!" She called after him.

"I know!" He called back, skirting around Gruncle who meandered towards the foyer.

Zipping into the kitchen and around outstretched limbs, Theodore pointedly ignored the looks from his family as he plucked the old joke peanut can from the wire shelf. As he wrestled with the lid, he let their conversation wash over him. "…An entire square block: 42 bedrooms, 19 bathrooms and yet not a _single_ drop of coffee" Uncle Five groused, slamming the empty coffee pot onto the table.

"Dad hated caffeine" Auntie Allison reminded him as she dumped her coat over a kitchen chair.

"Oh, he hated children too!" Uncle Klaus chipped in from the head of the table where he was hugging an electric guitar, "But he had plenty of us! Ha!"

**_POP! BOING!_ **

"Pfft!" Uncle Klaus jumped at the sudden rain of fake snakes pouring down over him, trying to smack them away as Theodore rooted around in the now open can for the money Mama said would be there.

 _"Aha! Jackpot!"_ Loren sang when his fist came back with a couple of ten dollar notes. Ignoring the rest of his relatives' conversation, he chucked the empty can into the sink and dashed back out the door in search of donuts.

* * *

Grumbling snores echoed down the hall and bounced around the apartment's small living room as Five—blood-splattered and tired—let himself inside his sister's home. Snooping around the muted living space, he found the usual things one would find in an apartment—dusty space heater against one wall, saggy couch in front of the fire place, small box TV on the kitchen counter next to the partially eaten box of donuts, a single bookshelf sat tucked into a corner and so on. It was the little personal touches, however, that let him know who lived there. From the beloved violin and music stand in the window to the multitude of framed family photos littering the mantel piece and school/music awards on the walls.

Down the hall he'd discovered his sister's room—much like the one at the Academy—was mostly bare save for the bed with a mattress that enveloped you, the antique dresser/drawers tucked away behind the door and the sparsely tiled en suite beyond that. A few items of clothing were haphazardly thrown about the place, owing to her laziness or proclivity to wear it often.

The next room down, he discovered, belonged to his newly introduced nephew who was currently buried beneath a multitude of blankets, with a single leg hanging off the bed at an awkward angle and brown curls poking out the top. Compared to his mother, Theodore's room held more personality than the entire apartment. From the busy desk piled high with books—school and personal alike—to the dusty drawers littered in paint, scribbles and scratches and the laptop scattered with sticky notes. The odd little short-handed notes made no sense to him and he couldn't make head or tail of the circular writings even if he tried.

But what captured his attention the most was the wall above his bed which was littered in images. There's the usual things like band/art posters, photos of Theodore with friends and family photos of him and Vanya throughout the years. But there's also other ones. Ones that are clearly cutouts from magazines or torn posters, ripped right off telephone poles. He can pick out his sibling's faces amongst all of them, even the fuzzy photocopies and nonsensical drawings.

 _Huh._ Five's gaze flickered between his sleeping nephew and the pièce de résistance of the collection (said collection having grown since the last time when his mother showed him the books on his family). It was a large image of a shoddily photoshopped family photo of all of them. A young Luther stood proudly next to a young Ben, there was the portly woman (pictured elsewhere) with her cat, and the blonde bespectacled teen in an outrageous sweater hugging his nephew. Allison is clearly cut from a magazine alongside Claire & Diego's was from a boxing poster. Both a young Five and Klaus are stood together—clearly taken from an Umbrella Academy article—in their uniforms next to a present-day Vanya who was smiling brightly at the camera with her violin in hand. In the bottom of the frame sat a giant cake reading: _HAPPY 12th BIRTHDAY THEODORE!"_

**_RATTLE! RATTLE!_ **

The sound of the doorknob rattling through the apartment brought Five out of his reverie just in time as he teleported back into the living room and settled himself in the chair by the fireplace, waiting for Vanya to open the door. After 45 years of isolation, he was more than ready to play a prank on his timid sister, just as he had done when they were kids. He didn't have to wait long, though it was hard to keep the anticipating grin off of his face.

**_CLICK!_ **

"Jesus!" Vanya cursed, flinching back as her attention snapped to his smug self sitting in her living room as he turned on the lamp.

"You should have locks on your windows" Five replied as if his being there was the most natural thing in the world.

"We live on the second floor"

"Rapists can climb"

"…You're so weird" She murmured shutting the door behind her and slinging her keys on the hook above the space heater. Five remained stationary as he watched her disappear down the hall to check on her son before coming back a moment later and sat on the couch beside him, her tired eyes roving over his young figure. "Is that blood?"

 _Shit._ "It's nothing" He lied.

"Why're you here?"

"Hm…I've decided you're the only one I can trust"

"Why me?"

"Because you're ordinary—because you'll listen" He amended as he watched her face fall at his words.

"Hang on—" Jumping to her feet, Vanya disappeared back into the bowels of the apartment only to emerge again with a first aid kit.

Holding his hand out to Vanya, Five watched as her brows knotted and she hissed in sympathy at the self-inflicted wound on his forearm. "When I jumped forward & got stuck in the future, do you know what I found?"

"No" She wiped away the excess blood.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing" He admitted, slouching in his seat. "As far as I could tell, I was the last person left alive. I never figured out what killed the human race, but I did find something else—the date it happens" Vanya raised a brow at him, urging the time-traveler to continue. "The world ends in eight days and I have no idea how to stop it"

"…And here I was thinking, Theodore's birthday present was all I had to worry about"


	11. New Kid on the Block

**_25 March 2019_ **

Early the next morning, Theodore rolled from his bed with a groan, slapping a tired hand down onto the buzzing alarm clock until it shut off. Like most school mornings, it was still dark when woke and he could hear his mother's gentle snores (no matter how many times she tried to deny them) echoing out from her bedroom as he zombie shuffled towards the bathroom with eyes glowing their loralite blue.

Sparing a glance at the bathroom mirror as he slid the door shut, the familiar sight of Loren igniting the veins around his eye sockets and cheeks in the same ethereal blue that now coloured his scleras, stared back at him. The odd layover affect that Loren had when he did this made it look like Theodore didn't have any pupils, or the ones he did were a dark blue instead of the usual black that they were—it may have looked odd, but it essentially allowed him to borrow Loren's visual abilities whenever they did so; which certainly helped during dark mornings like this one.

 _"Wash, monkey, wash!"_ Loren grumbled (Theodore wasn't offended by the insult, it was pretty typical for the alien rock), itching to feel the pelting hot bullets of rain from the shower head. Slipping free of the joke shirt Milton had gifted to him the night before, Theodore's blue tinted gaze briefly flickered over the alien-looking circular scar between his shoulders, that had appeared eight years ago alongside his powers when the Entity in Earth's core had been awakened. Next, the leather cuff bracelet was slid from his left wrist to reveal the neatly printed tattoo of his School number, and placed on the edge of the sink as he hopped into the shower. Steam flooded the bathroom and Theodore's thoughts turned to mush.

When sunrise had begun to peek in through the foggy bathroom window, Theodore finally emerged from the shower all pruny and clean. _"Food, monkey"_ Loren grumbled, still not quite awake.

"Clothes first" Theodore replied softly, equally tired as he shuffled back to his room where his school things languished about the place. Moving with practised movements, he exchanged his damp towels for the purple-encrusted uniform of Saint Gregory's Academy. Over the rubix cube-patterned boxer briefs went dark grey school boy shorts and were paired with thigh-high navy and purple trimmed socks.

Shrugging on his white school shirt next, he slung his navy and purple striped school tie around his neck and easily went through the movements of tying it. After letting the noose of the tie hang loosely around his neck, Theodore pulled on the eggplant-stained cardigan that held the embroidered school logo (a shield with a blue cross through the center & a book in the top right-hand corner) above the left, breast before grabbing his pre-packed school bag on the way to the kitchen.

Sliding around the corner, Theodore dumped his bag on the dining table next to the chair with his navy and purple trimmed blazer hanging over the back of it, as he disappeared into the kitchen to make lunch and grab something for breakfast. The partially eaten box of donuts still remained on the kitchen counter from the night before and he snatched one of the remaining chocolate-glazed & cream filled donuts from the box, easily stuffing it into his mouth as he slapped the loaf of wholemeal bread onto the counter.

One cheesy chicken and pickle sandwich later, he was all good to go (Saint Gregory's had their own little cafe to buy stuff from, but the lines were always long and most of the good stuff was gone within the first few minutes of break). "Now, what am I forgetting?" Theodore murmured, as he double-checked his bag and ran through a mental check-list. "Shoes!" Plucking said muddy loafers from where they had been chucked next to the dormant space heater last night, he quickly moved back over the sink as he grabbed the scrubbing brush on the way.

So intent on cleaning up his shoes—least he feel the wrath of the nit-picky Mrs Fawcett—Theodore didn't realise he wasn't alone. At least not until Loren spoke up. _"Monkey! Monkey!"_ Loren persisted, his voice annoyingly grating so early in the morning.

"What?" Theodore growled lowly, not wanting to wake his mother as he continued to scrub the crusted dirt from the side of his loafers.

_"Look. Up"_

"Why?"

_"We're not alone, dumbass"_

"Duh, can't you hear Mama snoring?

_"It's your Uncle, moron!"_

"Huh?" Glancing up, Theodore's blue gaze met that of his Uncle Five who had been sprawled out on the couch with his quaffed hair askew. "Oh. Hi" In the dim room Theodore could make out Uncle Five's alarmed and confused expression as his eyes roved over his face. It took a minute or two for Theodore to remember that his gaze was still tinted blue, likely owing to what his uncle was staring wide-eyed at.

**_BZZT! BZZT!_ **

The sound of his phone alarm snapped Theodore out of whatever reverie he had fallen into, making him spin on his heel to grab the lanyard with his keycard for the academy's front door and Snapper card strapped to it. He slid the school-issued lanyard over his head before hopping into his slightly damp shoes (not bothering to dry them, knowing that they would dry before he got to school) and took a moment to wrestle his arms into his blazer. He was out the door (with a hastily scribbled sticky note slapped for Mama, on the door telling her he'd gone to school already) with bag in hand before Mama had even stirred.

* * *

The journey to the academy was as long and boring as it always was, standing squished between sweaty business men in two-piece suits and briefcases clutched between their thighs as the train car rocketed around the bend on precarious wheels. Soon enough, Theodore disembarked from the train car, leaving behind the unidentified scent that only ever seemed to encompass the insides of the vehicle like a low-hanging fog.

Theodore slowly began the short walk from the train station to the academy, hunching into himself in an attempt to keep warm. It wasn't long before the school's hedge-lined field and peeling fence came into view. Passing under the outstretched awning of bus stop's shelter, Theodore trudged down the little path that ran alongside the field, sparing a glance at the muddy girl's rugby team as they meandered back towards the changing rooms in time for first bell.

"Hey man!" Milton greeted as Theodore slipped into the Year 11 common room on the second floor of the old dorm building.

"Hey Milton" Theodore nodded, hanging his bag up on one of the free hooks at the back of the room before stuffing his blazer into his locker. "How're ya doing?"

"Eh" Milton shrugged, "Can't complain" As per usual, the bespectacled blonde had snagged one of the pinstriped bean bags under the line of windows facing the courtyard; stretching out like the long-legged cat he really was. Even when garbed in the academy's snobbish uniform, Milton somehow made it look like a pair of pyjamas. "So…how was the funeral? Any good stories?"

"Oh y'know, gotta _love_ a family reunion" Theodore dropped into the neighbouring bean bag with a sigh. "Who doesn't love finding out that their extended family is a bunch of snobby arseholes?"

"Well, not that hard to figure out, considering who their father is…"

"I know right? You shoulda seen this place, dude. It's like a freakin' palace—all glitterin' in gold and marble! I swear it makes Thompson's place look like an outhouse!"

 _"Seriously?"_ Milton propped himself up on his elbows. "And you didn't knick anything?"

"Nah, my uncle had that covered—swept through the house before we'd even turned up"

"Ah that sucks"

"Eh" Theodore shrugged, looking around at his peers as they filled up the common room the closer it came to first bell. The common room wasn't much, in fact it was just that—a room for everyone in the year to gather and store their things during the day. With the back of the room occupied by the lockers and bag hooks; the front half of the room was taken over by a mismatch of bean bags and couches scattered about the place. A single whiteboard sat against the wall and an analog clock loudly counted the minutes.

"Hey Milton?" Theodore queried, his gaze never leaving the sporty blonde who wandered amongst the lockers looking for a place to sit.

"Hm?" Milton hummed, currently occupied with whatever was on his phone.

"Who's the new chick?" Theodore nodded towards the blonde.

"Who?"

"The blonde one"

"You'll need to be more specific"

"Arnold Schwarzenegger" Theodore sassed, "Who do you think?"

"Oh? Her?" Milton _finally_ pulled his head out of his phone at his best friend's tone. "That's Helga Brown"

"She just rock up today or something?"

"Nah, she turned up yesterday—from some little town in Arizona, 'parently"

"Arizona huh?" Theodore turned back to studying the blonde—Helga—as he tried not to hunch into himself at the answer. Helga, as it turned out, was the new Asian-American transfer student who wore the academy's dark grey pinafore overtop of her school shirt, and the tie which was tied loosely around her neck. Her shoes were badly scuffed and her blonde locks tied back into a messy ponytail like she didn't have a care in the world. All in all she was a pretty average-looking student—one might even call her pretty. But he was more paranoid about her sudden appearance and last known location than anything else—which of course, Milton picked up on.

"Why're you such a paranoid bastard?" Milton raised a brow at him over his phone as Theodore turned to glare at his bespectacled friend.

"Says the guy with a spy cam in his locker" Theodore snapped back.

"I _know_ it's Cunnings stealing my stuff & I'm gonna prove it!" Milton shot up, pointing a finger at Theodore.

"Whatever you say, man"

"Don't patronise me!"

"Dude, you're one conspiracy theory away from a tinfoil hat"

"Says the guy building a bomb shelter in _his_ locker"

"Well then, we'll be happy together, won't we?"

"Playing D'nD 'til we die"

"Ahem!" A feminine voice sounded above the two, making said boys jolt in surprise. Turning around the two teens were faced with the new girl in question. "Uh…hi"

"…Hi" Milton swallowed, cheeks red at being caught out. Theodore's mouth clicked shut but he gave a jaunty wave in greeting, pointedly looking anywhere but at the new girl.

"You guys play D'nD?" Helga asked, sitting herself down on the floor next to them—both boys appearing shocked and confused at the interaction.

"Er…" Milton spared a glance at the suddenly shy and quiet Theodore, "Yeah, sometimes"

"Cool, me too" Helga smiled. "I'm Helga, by the way"

"Milton" The bespectacled blonde shook her outstretched hand before gesturing to his friend. "This is Theo—he's shy"

"Hi Theo" Helga waved; receiving a blush and another wave in return. "Y'know, you remind me of someone I knew once—he was pretty shy too, wouldn't say 'boo' to a mouse"

"Yeah, that sounds like Theo" Milton chuckled, "Least 'til ya get to know 'im, then ya can't shut him up!"

"Milton!" Theodore hissed, embarrassed.

"There he is!" Milton waved his hands like he was presenting his friend to the world.

"Fuck off!" Theodore shoved him.

"Haha!" Helga laughed at the two boys as they dissolved into playful wrestling on the floor; even going so far as to hop into one of the now unoccupied bean bags.

**_BRRRING! BRRRING! BRRRING!_ **

"Saved by the bell!" Milton gasped, pushing out of the headlock Theodore had him in as their dean, Mr Harris, strode into the room with the roll book in his hands. A few minutes were spent tidying themselves up as their two homeroom teachers entered in behind the dean and lined up along the back line of the lockers. Theodore felt himself sit up a little straighter as both Mrs Fawcett's & Miss Clearwater's eagle-eyed gazes swept across the gathered students, looking for any reason to hand out a detention.

"All right, settle down, settle down" Mr Harris began, flipping the book open to begin roll call.

"Abrams?"

"Here"

"Anderson?"

"Here"

"Andrews?"

"Here"

"Barnes?"

"Here"

"Hey—" Helga whispered, catching the attention of the two boys next to her. "—You two looking forward to the work studies?"

"Yeah" Milton replied softly, "Sounds like it'll be pretty good—and we get outta PE, which is a plus"

"Where are you guys going?"

"I'm going to the _T2 Factories_ and Theo's heading to _Meritech Industries_. What about you?"

"Uh—"

"Brown?" Mr Harris cut in.

"Here!" She called before turning back to their conversation. "I'm going to _Split & Scream_ **"**

"That's just around the corner from us, I think" Milton commented.

"Hey! We should all meet up for lunch somewhere" Helga replied.

"Ah— I think they're gonna be running me pretty ragged most of the day, but Theo could probably make it"

"Oh that's a shame" Helga pouted, before turning to Theodore, who was looking, for all the world like a deer in the headlights. "So? What do you think?"

"U-uh…" He stammered, his eyes wide despite _desperately_ wanting to glare at his best friend. Milton could be a devilish bastard at times, and this was starting to sound more and more like a date set-up. He wasn't really one to date. Period. But it didn't look like this was one he could back out of."S-Sure"

"Cool" Helga smiled brightly. "Lemme give you my number & we can figure something out"

_What. The. Hell._


	12. Smashing Globes & Greasy Pies

The _Meritech Industries_ was a selection of tall white buildings with glass windows stretching far and wide around the perimeter. Of the many mannequins sporting prosthetics and glass cases of prosthetic limbs on display, it was quite clear to anyone who passed by that the company reeked of medical wealth. Particularly when they had the gall to advertise their celebrity endorsements—some of which were rather controversial in this day and age.

Theodore had arrived alongside Matthews, Thompson, Topp & Hemmings—the other members of his work studies group—and had followed after their guide as they toured all that _Meritech Industries_ had to offer. Skirting around a case of undeveloped glass eyes, Theodore had barely listened to Mr Bergman scolding Hemmings for touching one of the glass cases, as their guide herded them back to the glass-encased conference room where they had first gathered.

From what he understood, following the orientation the group would be split up and designated an employee to shadow for the week they were there; in an effort to see every facet of how a big company worked. He just hoped he didn't get the snotty receptionist who had glared down her nose at them when they had arrived. Once back in the conference room, they had met up with their assigned employee, and Theodore was happy to note that he'd been paired with one of the doctors—that was until he met the man. Doctor Lance Big was a clean-shaven man, rather chubby around the middle and _very_ full of himself. From the way he'd pushed Theodore off onto the poor receptionist (Cindy) on his floor, he just _knew_ that the following week was going to go to hell in a hand basket. At least he had the lunch date to look forward to.

 _Oh God! The lunch date!_ Theodore worried, biting his lower lip as he wandered down out the door to wait out on the front steps of the medical building. By the time orientation had finally concluded, along with the long-winded introductions between each employee & student, lunchtime had rolled around. Dr. Big had all but chucked his daily schedule at the flustered teen before shoving him out the door on his way to whatever 'lunch meeting' he had planned. _What do I do? Am I s'posed to pay for it? How much money do I have on me? Is it even a date? Oh God!_

 _"Quit you whinging, dumbass!"_ Loren griped, _"You sound like a toddler at your first day of pre-school"_

"Well, I never went to pre-school, so you can fuck right off!" Theodore replied, his thoughts still going a little haywire.

_"You kiss your Mama with that mouth?"_

"We share the same mouth, dumbass!"

_"Not if you'd give me control!"_

"You _know_ why I can't—look what happened last time!"

_"We escaped from hell on earth!"_

"By slaughtering any and all who got in our way!"

_"Why're you still complaining? Don't tell me you miss that place!"_

"God! No!"

_"Then, why—"_

"—Theo?" Helga asked, appearing out of the blue as she interrupted the voice in his head. The brunette blinked rapidly at her sudden arrival before stammering out an awkward answer.

"Uh…y-yes! Hi, yes, hi" Theodore stammered, as he jumped at her sudden arrival.

"Hehe" She giggled, "Are you ready to go?"

"Uh—yep, yes—let's go" Theodore nodded, joining the blonde at her side.

"So…"

"So…"

"What's good around here?"

"Um…there's a bakery 'round the corner?"

"A bakery?"

"They do pretty good pies" He shrugged.

"Okay, sounds good" Helga skipped ahead. "So how's your internship going?"

"Er…we had the orientation this morning—just a tour of the building and met the employees, so, y'know…"

"That's cool"

"What—what about you?"

"Ah, they've mostly had us scooping ice cream and peeling bananas"

"That doesn't sound so bad"

"It's not, if you're not lactose intolerant"

"Um…" Theodore blinked at the revelation "You're not—?"

"Me?" Helga raised an eyebrow in return, "No, but Burrows is—threw this huge tantrum over it too"

"Ooh" Theodore hissed, well-aware of Burrows' infamous tantrums. The guy could complain about just about anything—and with just enough power behind his name—could get away with it too. He was like a stroppy toddler in a pantsuit.

"Yeah, not pretty"

"Uh, well…here—here we are"

Standing in front of the hole-in-the-wall that was the _Mr Bun Bakery_ , Theodore couldn't help but feel a little on display, for both the customers/employees already inside and the girl next to him. The bakery was small, and didn't exactly give off the feeling of 'elegance' instead it had more of a homey feel which Theodore adored. Fisting his fidgeting hands, he shuffled to open the door for Helga in a quiet show of chivalry.

Inside a series of glass cabinets displayed pastries of every kind and flavour that merged together to form the counter. The grease-loaded savouries lined the first of these cabinets before they bled into the sweeter pastries, most of which were drowning in glistening icing of some kind. Along the back wall sat a couple of fridges of drinks; which included everything from _L &P _to _Mammoth_ to _V_ and _Pump._ Healthy food wasn't exactly factored into the equation, here.

Nervously, Theodore spared a glance towards Helga who was staring at the store around her with eyes full of wonder. He wasn't sure if it was because (like most of Saint Gregory's students) she was from the Upper classes, or if she had truly never seen something like this before. Either way, his heart swelled and his chest puffed out in pride (though he wasn't quite sure why) as the relief bled onto his features. "Um…so what do you want?" He asked, moving out of the way of the pushy grandmother behind them who was using her walking frame as the world's slowest battering ram.

"There's no menu" Helga pointed out, joining Theodore next to one of the savoury cabinets.

"It's self-service" He replied, grabbing a paper bag and a pair of rubber tongs.

"Oh, well, you said they do pretty good pies right?"

"Uh yeah"

"Well, what kind have they got?"

"Uh" Theodore stood narrowed his eyes as he tried to read the scribbled handwriting in front of each row of pies. "Mince, mince & cheese, steak & cheese, venison, chicken & vege and potato top"

"Hm, what are those?" She pointed to the pastries adjacent to the pies.

"Uh, those are sausage rolls" Theodore replied, "They're pretty good too"

"Mm, I think I go for one of those then"

"Alright" Sliding open the cabinet door, Theodore plucked the pastry-wrapped sausage from its warm shelf before grabbing a mince & cheese pie for himself. After flowing down the line and loading up on sweet pastries (a raspberry and chocolate cupcake for her & a chocolate tart for him), the two departed for Bishop's Park (the small patch of green between both of their internships) to sit and eat lunch.

* * *

 _Well, that wasn't so bad._ Theodore thought as he returned to the front steps of _Meritech Industries,_ his eyes trailing after Helga as she disappeared down the block and back to her own work studies internship.

**_BZZT! BZZT!_ **

_MESSAGES_

**_Helga Brown_ **

_Thanks for lunch! I had loads of fun! Have fun at your work studies! See ya tomorrow! :)_

_"Hey, Romeo"_ Loren groused as Theodore continued to stare at the phone in his hand, _"You're blushing!"_

"I—I am not!" Theodore spluttered, quickly stuffing the phone back into his pocket before sparing a glance down the street where blonde hair was swaying in the breeze.

_"Su~re, whatever you say, Romeo"_

"Stop saying that! It wasn't even a date!"

_"But you wanted it to be?"_

"Wha—No! I'm not having this conversation with you!" The reply not at all convincing as red continued to tint his cheeks.

"Ooh! She's cute!" A voice suddenly sounded right next to Theodore's ear, making him jump about a foot in the air.

"Jesus!" He cursed, jumping back and accidentally cracking the sidewalk at their feet with a small use of telekinesis. Turning around, Theodore found himself face-to-face with both his Uncle Klaus (dressed in an over-sized pinstriped suit for some reason) & Five.

"Nope, just me" Uncle Klaus preened, "Though I _have_ been mistaken for a Godly being before"

"Knock it off, Klaus" Uncle Five scolded before turning to his nephew. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in school?"

"Wha—what am I doing here? What are _you_ doing here?" Theodore retorted as he not-so-discreetly pushed a pile of leaves over the large crack in the ground at their feet. "I already told Mama she doesn't need to check-up on me"

 _"Hm, looks like she found a loophole"_ Loren muttered.

"Check-up on you?" Uncle Five pursued.

"Yeah, during my work studies internship" Theodore nodded towards the medical building next to them. "So you can tell Mama, I'm fine and I don't need a babysitter"

"Babysitter? Work studies? What are you talking about?" Uncle Klaus questioned, turning away from the butterfly he'd been trying to catch.

"Isn't that why you're here?" Theodore knotted his brows. His confused expression glancing between both uncles who seemed to share in the misunderstanding.

"Nope, we're here 'cause 'lil Five here—" Uncle Klaus ruffled Uncle Five's hair much to his irritation, "—has something he wants to return"

"Uh…"

"Hm…" Uncle Five sighed, looking more and more irritated as the conversation wore on. "This"

"That's an eye" Theodore stared dumbly at the glass eye his shortest uncle had plucked from his blazer pocket.

"Oh, well done"

"It kinda looks like the ones in the prosthetics lab" Theodore mused, unaware of the interest peaked on his uncle's face.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, we, uh, saw it briefly during orientation—why do you have a glass eye?"

"Doesn't matter"

**_BEEP BEEP_ **

_REQUIRE FILES FOR 2PM APPT. NOW._

Theodore's face scrunched up in disdain as he saw the message flicker across the old school pager Dr Big had presented to him earlier in the day. He really was a grade-A asshole. "What?" Uncle Klaus queried as he watched his nephew's expression turn sour.

"I uh, have to go" Theodore replied, pocketing the pager.

"Well, then you can show us the way in"

"Uh…" Theodore spared a narrow-eyed look between the two uncles—one looking rather annoyed and the other trying to do puppy eyes. "Alright"

"So…" Uncle Klaus sauntered up next to Theodore as Uncle Five hurried to catch up with their longer legs. "What's this about an internship?"

"It's uh, a part of our works studies course" Theodore replied, leading the way to the elevator. "We have to shadow an employee at a big company for the week"

"So that means you know the ins and the outs of this place?" Uncle Five interjected, holding on to the interior railing as the elevator jolted into motion.

"Not really, I—we just started today" Theodore replied as he stepped off the elevator not a moment later, and made his way over to the receptionist's desk where Cindy handed him the required files. "And we're basically just errand boys, anyway" He replied, smiling at Cindy in thanks.

"Surely you must know something" Uncle Five pursued as the pair followed after their nephew through the twisting and turning glass hallways.

"I'm not really sure what you want to say…" Theodore replied, opening the door to Dr Big's office to hand the stuffy man his required files with put-upon kindness. "Your files, sir"

"Finally! What took you so damn long?" Dr Big grumbled, snatching the manilla folder from his hand without sparing a glance at the two with him.

"Well, he's certainly prissy, isn't he?" Uncle Klaus muttered lowly.

"Yeah, well, Mama's already scared our work studies teacher and I'd like to pass this class" Theodore replied distractedly.

"Vanny?" Uncle Klaus appeared almost scandalised at the notion, "No! What did she do?"

Theodore didn't verbally reply, but his eyes blew wide and he sucked in a breath as he turned away from his uncles, paling slightly as he shuffled in place. Which, in all honesty, was all the answer they really needed. "What are you still doin—" Dr Big glared at Theodore before his eyes tracked to the two men either side of him and zeroed in on Uncle Five. "Oh God! Not again!"

* * *

_"Reception to Dr Big's office; your two o'clock is here"_

**_BEEP._ **

_"Yes. Thank you, Cindy"_

* * *

For the passed seventeen years, Ben had been by Klaus', off and on. But as he lounged atop the wooden drawers of Dr Big's office, his attention was less on the trouble his stoned and slightly homicidal brothers were causing and more on the puzzled nephew who had been sending confused looks his direction the entire time. Theodore—dressed smartly in what was clearly a school uniform of some kind—was sat cross-legged in a spare chair off to the side as he scribbled down little notes in his spiral bound notebook.

Curious, Ben had peered over his nephew's shoulder only to find odd circular scribbles that made absolutely zero sense to him, but they filled the lined pages of the book like some sort of secret code. At first he had thought it was some strange sort of short hand, but had quickly ruled that out when his brain felt like it was going to explode when trying to read them.

Currently, Five looked like he wanted to tear the doctor's throat out as he gripped tight to the back of his chair in agitation and Klaus languished in the chair next to him. Both Five and Dr Big seemed to be on their last straws. "…Like I said to your son earlier, any information about the prosthetics we build is _strictly_ confidential. Without the client's consent, I simply can't help you" Dr Big replied patronisingly.

"Well _we_ ca't get consent if _you_ don't give us a name" Five bit out.

"Well, it's not my problem. Sorry, now there's really nothing more I can do" Dr Big replied smugly. And that seemed to be the end of it—at least until Ben noticed the wicked gleam in Klaus' eyes.

"Klaus—" Ben warned, sitting upright and avoiding the swatting hand from his nephew, "—What are you doing?" Said brother merely cocked an eyebrow in response (which confused Theodore to no extent—Why was Uncle looking at him like that?) and leant back fully into his chair.

"Well, what about _my_ consent?" Klaus interjected.

" 'xcuse me?" Dr Big replied.

"Who gave _you_ permission to lay your hands…on _my_ son?"

"What?" Chorused the other three, all wearing varying looks of confusion as Klaus pointed towards Five—who was perfectly fine, mind you—with a look of utter despair.

"Klaus—!" Ben warned.

"You heard me" Klaus continued on.

"I didn't touch your son" Dr Big replied, sparing a glance towards Five.

"Oh really? Then how'd he get that swollen lip then?"

"He doesn't have a swollen li—"

**_SMACK!_ **

"Holy shit!" Ben jumped to his feet as Theodore gripped tight to the armrests of his chair, looking very alarmed. It seemed Klaus had decided in all his infinite wisdom, that sucker punching their brother was the way to go. "What the hell were you thinking?!" He demanded, now hovering over their little brother who sported a split and bleeding lip—likely from the various rings Klaus sported at one time or another.

"I want it. Name, please. Now" Klaus leant menacingly over the edge of Dr Big's death as Five turned out of his ghostly grip and Theodore tried to pick up his dropped notebook with fumbling hands.

"Y-you're crazy!" Dr Big stammered.

"You got _no idea"_ Klaus laughed before glancing down at the snow globe displayed atop a pile of colour-coded files. "Peace on earth' That's so sweet!"

"Klaus—!" Ben tried again, "I'm not cleaning this shit up!"

It didn't work. Klaus picked up the aforementioned snow globe as he read the inscription engraved on the bottom. Theodore—who had been watching the entire interaction with wide and wary eyes—wisely scooted his chair back and out of the proverbial splash zone as Klaus, as per usual, took things a step too far.

**_SMASH!_ **

"Ugh! Oh God! That hurt!" Klaus groaned, clutching onto the edge of the desk after smashing side snow globe against his forehead in some kind of egotistical power move. Ben would've laughed at Five's expression at any other given moment, but he was more concerned with the glass sticking out of his brother's forehead and the bloody dribbling down his now glittery face.

"I'm calling sec—" Dr Big scrambled with the landline on his desk, hurriedly trying to punch in the numbers for security. That was until, Klaus reached across the desk and snatched the phone out of his hands. "What are you doing?!"

"There's been an assault…" Klaus cried dramatically down the phone, "…In Mr Big's office and we need security, now! Schnell!"

"You're insane" Ben commented, returning back to the drawers as Klaus hissed at him and Five wore the smuggest smirk he'd ever seen. The whole time this had been going on, Theodore had remained frozen in the corner, no longer scribbling away. Instead, clutching tight to his notebook as his parlour had lightened and he watched Ben's two not-so-stable brothers like hawks; looking almost as if he was afraid they'd turn on him next.

"Now here's what's going to happen, Grant" Klaus continued on as Ben now hovered over Theodore's shoulder.

"It's…Lance" Dr Big protested weakly.

"In about sixty seconds two security guards are gonna burst through that door and they're gonna see a _whole_ lotta blood. They're gonna wonder 'what the hell happened?' and we're gonna tell them that _you…beat the shit outta us!"_ Klaus rose with a sigh, looking for all the world like a deranged man. "You're gonna do great in prison, Grant. Trust me, I've been there. Little piece of chicken like you…ooh!…Oh my God! You're gonna get passed around like a—you're just—you're gonna do great! That's all I'm saying"

"Jesus, you are a _real_ sick bastard!"

"Thank you" Klaus replied, before spitting out the glitter stuck in his mouth.

"Our family's insane" Ben murmured, watching the two smug brothers before him. "Completely and utterly insane"


	13. Yesterday when the War Began

**_March 2011_ **

Children lined the cafeteria tables in rows upon rows of colourful splotches whilst teachers roamed the aisles like preening peacocks as they watched the younglings chow down on cardboard cookies and plastic cheese. A young Theodore sat—dressed in a _Star Wars_ t-shirt and khaki shorts—next to his best friend, Charlie, who was nattering on about which Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle was the best."…Obviously Mikey's got the best jokes and he can skateboard and is just super cool, but Leos' the leader, y'know? He's got those cool swords and everything!" Charlie rambled around a mouthful of cheese. Theodore just blew a brown curl out of his face in response and somehow that was all the answer Charlie needed, as the eight year old continued to ramble on like it was the most important thing in the world. Just another day at Greenpoint Primary School.

"Hector?" Sophie suddenly asked, her question catching the attention of those around them. Hector sat across from Theodore in the second-hand bleached dungarees he despised with a passion and an apple-flavoured juice box in hand. At least he was, until he suddenly perked up and his expression turned vacant. "Hector? What's wrong?" For something was certainly wrong as his hand started shaking uncontrollably and the juice box in his hand rattled like a marble in a tin can.

Theodore could only watch on in confusion and then fright as Hector's hand splayed out making the juice box _float_ above the table before clenching shut and squeezing the life out of said drink, squirting apple juice everywhere. "Hector!" Hector never responded. His amber eyes rolled up into the back of his head and a single pain-filled gasp fell from his lips before he collapsed. Dead with an alien-looking scar decorating his wrist. A chorus of chatter instantaneously filled the air as children of all ages gathered around his body, many of them talking over each other and taking photos.

"Oh my God!"

"Do you know him?"

"What happened?"

"Is he dead?"

"What do we do?"

"Someone get a teacher!"

"Mr Wiggens!"

* * *

**_July 2011_ **

"Scientists have now given a name to this mysterious and highly contagious disease—Legacy-Augmented/Affiliated Native Earthlings or L.A.N.E…" Prattled the box-sized television on the counter. No matter which channel or radio station Theodore flipped to, all they seemed to be talking about was the uprising of superpowered kids. Strangely none of them seemed to acknowledge the appearance of the alien spacecraft nor the resulting battle that had destroyed the city all those months ago, leaving many—like Theodore—to fend for themselves. The battered convenience store that he now huddled in, had been one of the first things people had torn through when disaster had struck. Not much was left.

"…There seems to be no end in sight to the pain for parents and families across the world. Nearly 70% of the world's children are now afflicted…" Explained one reporter as she sat at the news desk with red ribbons streaming across the screen and blaring headlines in big angry letters.

"…Strange and unexplained instances involving afflicted children continue to pour in from across the country. Panicked calls to 911 about alien scars burning themselves into unmarred skin…" Said another, as shaky footage of a nightmarish child skidded across the screen, followed by terrified screams and the sounds of gunfire.

"…If you notice _any_ bizarre behaviour in your children or the children of those around you, please report it immediately to the CDC…" Here the number for the _Centres for Disease Control & Prevention_ flashed across the screen.

"…We now go live to President Nelson" Next the screen flickered to President Nelson surrounded by hungry reporters shoving cameras and microphones into his greying face as he exited from _Evergreen Hospice._

"President Nelson!"

"Sir!"

"Nelson! Nelson!" The vulture-like reporters and concerned parents hounded the President, surrounding him on all sides as he emerged from behind the white doors and out into the wet carpark, the rain splattering across his square glasses and adding to the sombre atmosphere. The few security men he did have with him, created a wall of human flesh as they stood at his back, stone-faced and strong.

"Do you have any updates on L.A.N.E pandemic?" One voice sounded clear above the others.

"Uh yes I do" President Nelson sighed, coming to a stop when it was clear he wasn't going to be able to make a clean getaway. "First, uh, I want to sat to you that I am speaking today not as your President but as a parent. As you know, my dau—my daughter, Amelia, is among the afflicted and for the first time, her condition is improved after treatment at the New York Ragnor-Ra Rehabilitation Center" He paused, as if choking back tears. "…But most importantly, it has given my family hope and I urge you—I _urge_ you to give your children that same hope. The CDC is here for you, _please_ turn to them for the care that your children need. This is not about politics, this is about your children—it's about _our—_ our children. We _will_ find a cure, and we _will_ save out precious sons and daughters. Thank you"

Theodore frowned, finally switching off the infernal device.

_"Absolute bullshit"_

* * *

**_November 2011_ **

Two figures dressed in banana-yellow hazmat suits strode into the abandoned subway car; both of them looking more alien than the creatures who had invaded Earth and destroyed New York. Theodore tiredly huddled in on himself, curling up into a small ball as he waited for the inevitable—there was nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. It was over. "Contact made with afflicted. Over" Crackled one suit.

"Acknowledged. Approach with extreme caution. Over" Replied the other as they carefully walked over to Theodore like he would explode at any minute. Gloved hands enveloped his small limbs and easily lifted him from the ground, before placing him on the equally yellow school bus with several other children.

The cracked leather bus seats were filled with children as the bus jolted down the gravelled road and as the summer heat rolled through the partially cracked windows, the stench of sweat, piss and vomit hung in the air. The two hazmat-cloaked individuals who had plucked Theodore from the subway car were nowhere to be seen, but there was an armed guard stood at the back of the bus with a rifle in hand and finger on the trigger.

He tried not to let his fear show, turning his head out of the window and away from the man with the gun. Fear coursed through Theodore like a greyhound on red bull and he clenched his tiny fists into his pants, wanting nothing more than to cry but not wanting to give the soldiers a reason to shoot him too.

The bus trip was long and tiring with only a few rest stops along the way (the first one had resulted in a kid trying to run, and getting shot down for his efforts. No one else was stupid enough to try), but soon enough they reached their destination. The building was mostly hidden behind layers of barbed wire and brick walls, but there was a busted sign out front that read:

~~_LUKE AIR FORCE BASE  
_ ~~ _RAGNOR-RA REHABILITATION CENTRE: ARIZONA_

Inside, rows of military vehicles lined the path; from tanks to SUVs and back again. Soldiers strapped in camouflage gear ordered children about—some garbed in colour-coded jumpsuits, some in their pyjamas and some were in school uniforms. Theodore would have thought it cool, given any other situation. As it was, he tried not to cry as a large burly soldier ordered them from the bus as soon as the door opened."MOVE! LET'S GO!" He ordered, his large gun by his side. "DON'T TRY TO RUN! DON'T TALK! DON'T DO ANYTHING THAN WHAT IS ASKED OF YOU!"

Stumbling from the bus, Theodore hurried into line alongside the other children, doing his best to keep his head down. "FAILURE TO FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS WILL BE MET WITH PUNISHMENT!"

"Fuck you!" Cried a scruffy-faced teen. He was the last kid on the bus and a friend of the kid who had tried to make a break for it earlier. This time when he tried to run, the kid was met with several punches to the face. The first to knock him down and then the rest for his punishment.

"Stay down!" Ordered the soldier who had hit him the first time. Her authoritative tone sent chills down Theodore's spine. Once the punches finally let up, the kid spat out a glob of blood at her feet and slowly pushed himself up onto his knees; raising his head to the female soldier above him, a look of pure anger crossed his features. Theodore could only stare as his eyes bled an alien blue as he locked gazes with the soldier.

Her expression fell flat, her eyes vacant as ever so slowly she rotated her firearm and placed the barrel under her chin. "Irvine! Irvine! What are you doing?" The calls were useless however; whatever hold the teen had on her was airtight and as soon as he smirked, brain decorated the ground.

**_BANG!_ **

"ORDIN! HE DID THAT! ORDIN! TAKE HIM DOWN!" Came the cry as the other children jumped back in shock, many of them beginning to cry as they clung to each other for comfort. In the meantime, the teen tried to make another run for it, only to be mercilessly gunned down in cold blood, much like his friend only hours earlier. "MOVE! ALL OF YOU! INSIDE!"

* * *

The room Theodore had been shoved into was clean, unlike the rest of the base. The chair he sat in reminded him of the ones at the dentists, except for the light overhead—it wasn't a light, in fact it looked to be like some weird x-ray machine, like a halo just hanging overhead. A single monitor sat in the corner of the room and a large poster colourful poster was glued to the wall. The only thing separating him from the rooms on either side of him were two flimsy drapes decorated in a garish pattern.

"Is th-this a h-hospital?" Theodore stuttered, his words becoming stuck in his throat as the scientist who had been rooting around under the desk suddenly remerged. What he had thought to be a tall man in a black coat was in fact one of the alien creatures which had invaded Earth. Elvish ears and gilled neck turned to face him, and vampiric teeth were revealed when the creature grinned at him.

"Name?" He asked, his voice thick with an accent that Theodore didn't recognise. "Your _name,_ youngling"

"T-Theodore" The boy replied, his heart pounding in his chest in time with the aching in his neck as the creature typed away on the computer before him. Whatever they had injected into his neck upon arrival still burned with a fierceness that reminded him of his grandmother's infamous kung pao chicken. "I—I don't feel sick"

"Actually it's not a sickness" Came the reply, "You've been granted abilities—Legacies—from the awakening of Earth's Entity. Which means you're not the same, and until you are, there's no going home. Now" He sighed, turning to face Theodore with clipboard in hand. "When they picked you up, were you assigned a House?"

"House?" Theodore puzzled.

"Yes" He moved over to the large colourful poster off to the side, "All Garde are given a House assignment that corresponds with their Legacies. On the bottom we have the blue House: Frija—" He pointed to the bottom of the informational pyramid. "—Physical Legacies—shapeshifting, increased strength and such.

Next is the green House: Theron. They have energy or elemental related Legacies. Passed this line here—" Next he pointed to the line between the green and yellow sections. "—are the most dangerous: the yellow House, Helwyn, have Legacies which affect others' Legacies and the red House: Ordin. They have mental Legacies. But they are very rare. I'm sure you have nothing to worry about"

Though the creature had sort-of smiled at him, Theodore couldn't help but feel anything but fear. Looking into those dark beady eyes and the grinning vampiric teeth, he just knew that he would never be able to erase those nightmares from his mind. The halo-like light above his head whirled to life as the scientist returned to the monitor and a strange blue light erupted from its center. Theodore squeezed his eyes tight shut, afraid as to what was going to happen. Instead of pain, as he had expected, the light felt warm and tingly as it passed over him; almost in the same fashion a barcode scanner worked.

* * *

**_BEEP_ **

_HOUSE OF FRIJA DETECTED. SAFE TO APPROACH_

**_BEEP_ **

* * *

Let the nightmare begin.


	14. Like Stealing Candy from a Baby

**_26 March 2019_ **

The second day of work studies turned out to be far less interesting than the day before had been, although the journey to the medical building had been spotted with bits and pieces that peeked Theodore's interest. Whilst Topp and Hemmings had giggled over whatever meme was currently plastered across their phones as the group walked, Theodore was far more interested in the police tape decorating the _Gimble Brothers Thrift Store._

Police cars ignited the store in red & blue flashing lights and the bustle of cops to and from the store had gathered a small crowd of gawking pedestrians. From what Theodore could see through the gaps of people and cardboard cutouts cellotaped to the windows, police swarmed the scene like ants to cake. Bullet holes riddled the store, decapitated mannequins toppled and blood splattered the ground like a Jackson Pollock painting.

 _It couldn't be…could it?_ Theodore swallowed hard, his thoughts reverberating around his skull as the slight blue tinge around his eyes dimmed once more.

 _"Th-think about it, why would Mogs light up a thrift store if no one was in it?"_ Loren tried; he too was clearly afraid of the possibility that their captors were in town.

 _Because they're complete and utter assholes?_ He replied, _'Sides, you saw the blood in there too—there was definitely someone here._

_"It could've been a burglar or an employee…"_

_C'mon, Mogs are complete and utter psychos motivated by greed and power, but they're not senseless…do—do you think another Garde is in town?_

_"Then why pick a thrift store to hide in?"_

_'Cause you'd pick any place to hide if that meant the Mogs would leave you alone._ Theodore replied, his thoughts sounding like they had come from experience, rather than speculation.

"Oi! Hargreeves!" Matthews called from the curb beneath the blinking pedestrian light as he dragged Theodore from his dark thoughts. "Hurry up!"

"Coming!" Theodore replied as he hurried to catch up; he was just happy he hadn't stumbled over the word as it came out of his mouth. It wasn't that he had a stutter mind you, it was just that he was terrible at talking to people—or talking in general. Typically, as a general rule, he would ignore someone or reply only in nods, grimaces and forced smiles until he deemed them safe enough; as Milton oftentimes said, he was a paranoid bastard, but there was also a bit of anxiety and shyness that bled into it as well.

* * *

There was a plumbing van parked in the carpark across the street when Theodore arrived at _Meritech Industries_ that morning; which wouldn't have been unusual except for the fact that Uncle Five sat in the driver's seat alongside a smartly-dressed mannequin woman. The plum-coloured van was certainly used or at least second-hand with dust and dirt covering most of its surface, save for the _Rocco & Family Plumbing: Drain & Toilet Specialists RESIDENTIAL & COMMERCIAL _sticked engraved on the side. From what he could see, Uncle had lined the dashboard with layers of old papers and receipts; although if the van was stolen (as he suspected it was), they were probably left there by the original owner. It seemed that the only thing Uncle Five had added was a well-read copy of Mama's book plus several bottles of booze lining the dash and whatever else he had hidden away.

"I thought I told Mama & them I don't need a babysitter" Theodore groused, looking out the window at the plum-coloured van as he sorted through Dr Big's filing cabinet (it was in dire need) to the soothing sounds of the _Forgotten Odes: Strings_ playlist he had on his phone.

 _"He could be here for that eye thing"_ Loren replied. Theodore raised a brow at the alien rock, focusing on the reflection of the blue crystallised beast in the window before him. It was like looking into a mirror and seeing yourself, but as someone else—you knew it was you, but it didn't look like you. It was odd. And hard to avoid since the majority of M _eritech Industries_ was encased in glass or some other shiny surface. Thankfully no one had yet to ask why his reflection was blue and crystallised, although he had seen a few spectacular double takes and overheard loud questions from visiting children. _"Besides, isn't she occupied with that new boy toy of hers?"_

"Eurgh! Gross!" Theodore silently gagged, "Why would you say that? Yuck!"

Said boy toy was a man named Leonard Peabody, a thirty-something year old man who had decided now was the perfect time to learn how to play the violin. Which would have been fine—a little weird—but fine; at least if he didn't spend most of the lesson awkwardly flirting with his mother. Theodore had been trapped in his bedroom completing his English essay when Leonard had arrived. He was tall, clean-shaven and wore more layers than Mama or he ever did. His brown locks had flopped about his face in this slightly quaffed style and matching puppy dog eyes that had stared out from beneath his hair. At first glance he appeared like a nice bloke, but there was just _something_ about him that set Theodore on edge—whether it was because he was dating this mother or because of something else, he wasn't sure, but it was there.

A few moments later, Theodore was pulled from his bitter thoughts as he amusedly watched the van became a clown car. Uncles Klaus and Luther had appeared from a side street and strode towards the van like a man on a mission—or Uncle Luther had, Uncle Klaus just seemed to be trying to keep up with the long strides. Theodore's smile grew when he watched Uncle Luther try to stuff his very large self in through the tiny passenger side door whilst Uncle Klaus easily slipped in through the back door ( _"_ Not like that Loren!").

The plum tin can rattled as Uncle Luther heaved and hawed, until finally he was able to haul himself inside and Theodore's brief entertainment was cut off as Dr Big passed by, peering disdainfully over the student's shoulder as he passed. No sooner had the doctor sailed passed did Theodore's pager go off.

**_BEEP BEEP._ **

_FETCH MORNING TEA_

_"Seriously? The guy couldn't do that himself?"_ Loren griped.

" 'pparently being a big deal means you can do as you please or some shit" Theodore replied grumpily as he spun on his heel and disappeared out the door. A little sour at the notion of being used as an errand boy, Theodore journeyed over to the corner store across the street, farewelled by the not-so-hidden taunts of Hemmings and Matthews as he went.

* * *

 _"What's the point of this week, anyway?"_ Loren grumbled as Theodore perused the sweet and chip-lined shelves of the corner store.

"To shadow a person of industry" Theodore parroted, inspecting a pack of out of date pretzels and wondering if he could get out of the internship by indirectly poisoning his assigned mentor.

_"More like running errands for a lazy asshole with cash flowing from his pockets"_

"I'd pay to hear you say that to Mr Harris" Theodore quietly laughed, eyes trailing over the hoodie-encased man and his corgi prowling through the next aisle over.

**_SLAM!_ **

"Jesus!" Theodore jumped as the door to the store slammed open to reveal a stroppy Uncle Klaus storming towards the freezers in the back with his long matted coat swishing as he passed by. The cashier had watched Uncle Klaus like a hawk as he moved about the shop grabbing bits and pieces as he went and shoving them into any crevice on his body that he could find—no one could ever say that Uncle Klaus knew the art of subtlety. No sooner had he shoved several packets of gummy worms down his pants, did he make a run for it.

"HEY! STOP!" Shouted the cashier as he hurdled the counter and raced after Theodore's uncle and out the door, aggressively blowing on his whistle as he went.

 _"Hey, look…"_ Loren tempted the brunette. _"Big store full of food and no one guarding it…whatever will we do?"_

Theodore's arm didn't need to be twisted any further. Years of experience helped him to hide the stolen food in places that they wouldn't easily be seen—roll-ups went down his socks, bags of gummy worms, coca-cola bottles and jaffas went into his pockets, several wands of liquorice were slid into his front blazer pocket amongst a couple of odd pens & pencils and so on. He moved about the store with efficiency, grabbing items that wouldn't go off or melt so quickly and stashing those on his person, the ice cream he plucked from the freezer was what he would pay for, leaving the exact change on the counter by the register before sauntering out the door as if nothing was amiss.

Standing on the curb outside, Theodore happily ate his ice cream as he watched Uncle Klaus sprint across the road with the cashier chasing after him, both disrupting traffic as they went. "STOP! HEY! STOP RIGHT NOW!" The cashier cried, pulling a whistle out from somewhere in the depths of his pockets.

"HEY BITCHES!" Uncle Klaus cheered as he ran straight through the intersection, dropping a couple of items as he went.

 _"Ha!"_ Loren laughed as Theodore watched on amused. _"It's like Hansel and Gretel!"_

**_FWEET! FWEET! FWEEEEET!_ **

"YOU! GET BACK HERE!" The cashier cried just as a taxi cab chose that moment to emerge, sending Uncle Klaus flying over the hood.

 _"Ooh!"_ Loren hissed, his running commentary only adding to the spectacle. _"Oh no, he's okay! And there he goes!"_

"OUTTA THE WAY, ASSHOLE!" Uncle Klaus screeched before letting out a yelp-like squeal when he noticed the tall cashier hot on his tail. Mere moments later, he was zig-zagging across the concrete and down a side alley with the remains of his stolen loot in his arms. Theodore couldn't stop grinning at his insane uncle.

Of course, if Theodore had been paying attention more to his surroundings than the opportunity to scavenge a well-packed convince store and his junkie uncle, then he would've notice the man drowning in his black hoodie and sweats had been watching his every move. He would've noticed the odd intensity of the man's corgi as it followed him through the aisles, or even how the man's thick accent was one not known to Earth's nations when Theodore had bumped into him.

But he was not and so he didn't notice the Mogadorian standing right in front of him. But the Mog had certainly noticed Theodore, and now the hunt was on.


	15. We're Going on a Garde Hunt

"How did Milton break his hand again?" Helga asked, tightrope walking along one of the rusty railroad train tracks that led to the local scrapyard (these tracks wasn't used anymore). Currently, the two were spending the afternoon after both their work studies had ended, just hanging out. In fact, the two hadn't really been sure of where they were going, just following wherever their feet led them as the two talked.

"Mistimed the machinery" Theodore replied, walking parallel to the blonde with arms outstretched for balance. "Cracked his hand like a walnut"

"Eurgh!" Helga scrunched her face up at the image.

"Yeah, the selfies were brutal" Theodore agreed, wearing a similar expression as he hopped over a missing board and continued on.

"Why did he think it was a good to stick his hand in the roller?" Helga asked, jumping from the train track and instead walking across the rickety wooden boards holding them. She spun to face him with a curious expression and bulging bag swinging.

"Milton's always been like that— 'pparently he lost the green lantern ring off his finger and was trying to get it back before Mrs Chow noticed" Theodore shrugged, warily eyeing the rotting wood beneath her feet. A fall from this height wouldn't kill them, but it would hurt—although the rushing rapids beneath the bridge would also likely drag their bashed bodies down the river. _"All right away from that disturbing image, please!"_ Loren pleaded as Theodore returned his attention to Helga.

"You do that a lot, y'know?" Helga smiled, her head tilted in contemplation.

"Do what?" Theodore replied. He'd gotten pretty good at not stammering out his words around her lately.

"It's like you disappear into your own little world"  
 _"She knows! She knows! Abort! Abort!"_

"There! Right there! You're doing it again!" She pointed to him, "What's in your head, Theo?"

"Uh…" Theodore blinked, ignoring his blue friend as his freckled cheeks burnt red and various thoughts ran through his head—none of them PC. "Um…" He frantically searched for something to say, but his dry mouth and his mushy brain didn't seem to be connecting. "Liquorice?" He offered instead, pulling the now warm liquorice wand from his breast pocket were it had spent most of the day sweating between his pens, pencils and other miscellaneous junk.

"You're so weird" She laughed, taking the liquorice wand anyway.

 _Is that good? Is being weird a good thing?_ Theodore internally panicked. _Is it how I walk? How do I stop? Do I need a new walk?_

 _"It's 'cause you do weird shit like this, dumbass!"_ Loren scolded him, _"And now she's staring at us"_

"Huh?"

"It's alright" Helga laughed, mistaking his fearful expression due to the old train bridge they were currently walking across. "We're almost across—and see? No more river below. Y'know Milton's right, you are parano—"

**_CREAK! CRACK!_ **

"—AHHHHHHHHH!" Helga screamed, cutting off whatever she was going to say as the rotting wood beneath her feet gave way.

"HELGA!" Theodore screamed, dumping his school bag at his feet as he rushed over to the new hole in the floor. He didn't even think it through when he bellyflopped to the ground and shoved his splayed hand out towards the falling blonde and wrapped the screaming girl tight in his grip. There she floated above the grassy knoll. Head bowed and shoulders slumped in relief as his jackhammering heart beat against his chest, he let a relieved sigh fall from his lips and carefully curled his fingers in tighter in order to ensure she would be okay.

"Th-Theo…" Helga breathed, her eyes wide and limbs loose.

"Are—are you…all right?" He panted, trying to calm his wildly beating heart.

"Y-yeah" She stammered, "I'm—I'm okay"

"Good, okay, good" He nodded, "I'm gonna put you down, okay?"

"Okay" Theodore slowly and carefully lowered Helga onto the grassy knoll beneath her, forever thankful that the pair had passed over the river some time ago.

Once she was safely back on dry land, Theodore retreated from the hole and panic began to set in. _"She knows! She knows! We're dead! D-E-A-D! Dead!"_ Loren panicked, and for once the human agreed.

"What are we gonna do?!" Theodore added, hands clenched tight in his curls as he paced back and forth across the bridge. "She _knows!_ Are we gonna have to leave? What will I tell Mama? What's she gonna say?! Loren, I don't know what to do!"

_"We'll you could always give me the reins…"_

"You're not eating her, you big blue cannibal!"

_"You never let me do anything fun!"_

"How is—"

"—Theo?" Helga's voice cut through his panicked mumblings. "Theo? Are you alright? It's okay! I'm okay! And I'm not scared! Please come down!"

"Oh God! I didn't even think of that!" Theodore continued to ramble, "She must think I'm a monster now! That I'm a freak!"

 _"She won't think you're a freak"_ Loren dismissed.

"Oh yeah, what do _you_ call someone who's telekinetic?"

_"Family?"_

"Ah—forgot you're an alien rock"

_"Really? The blue everything didn't give it away?!"_

"You're like a crossover between Mr Wilkins, Uncle Klaus and Uncle Five"

_"So devastatingly handsome?"_

"Soft, crazy and slightly homicidal"

_"…Well, you're not wrong"_

"Theo!" Helga called again, "Please come down! I won't tell anyone, I promise!"

Theodore debated the matter for a few moments more before swallowing thickly and shyly peering down through the hole in the bridge to see a concerned and slightly excited Helga standing on the grassy knoll beneath him. "…Nope! Can't do it!" Theodore backed away from the hole, his bag now firmly clutched in his fists as he began to back away.

 _"You can't just leave her there!"_ Loren replied.

"Since when did you get so chivalrous?"

_"I've always been like this, you just never noticed!"_

"Oh yeah? Name one time"

_"One time?"_

"Mm"

_"How about right now?"_

"What?" Theodore deadpanned as he watched the loralite blue flood his veins as Loren took control of his limbs. "Loren…what are you doing? Loren—! LOREN! LOR—AHHHH!" Loralite-encrusted legs moved of their own accord, powering towards the hole like legs on a mission as Theodore became trapped inside his own body. A crystallised hand shot out and attached itself to the underside of the bridge as the panicked teen was gracefully swung towards the awaiting blonde on the ground below.

"Theo? Oh my God!" Helga rushed forward to help Theodore to his feet as he spat out the grass strands in his mouth from the not-so-graceful landing, courtesy of Loren. Once his feet had reached the ground once more, the blue crystal surrounding his limbs fell away and the glowing blue in his veins fell away as they became human once more. "Are you alright? That was amazing!"

"Um…" Theodore froze, body tensed and waiting for the inevitable.

"Theo?" Helga paused in her hovering, hands now floating about his sweat-soaked school shirt. "Is that…?"

"Wha—what's what?" His mouth had gone dry and his palms sweaty; but still he didn't move.

"The House of Frija…" Helga breathed, her hands now gently touching the spot between his shoulder blades where the Loric scar was burnt into his flesh. It seemed that a combination of the day's heat and his slight panic attack had caused the shirt to become translucent with sweat, giving Helga a good view of his scar.

"What?" Theodore shot up at that, all sense of caution thrown to the wind and narrowed eyes locked onto the blonde before him. Helga had flown back at the sudden motion, holding her hands up in surrender as she sat next to him.

"That—that scar—it's the House of Frija"

"And how would _you_ know t _hat?"_

"Because—! _Because_ I've got one too" Helga replied, lowering her hands to her blouse which she quickly began to unbutton.

"Uh…" Theodore blinked as both he and Loren tried to process what was happening. "Come again?"

"I've got one too, see?" Helga pulled her shirt off and dropped to the ground beside her.

"O—oh! You are naked—!" Theodore blushed violently as he tried very hard not to look at the lacy peach bra she was wearing (and fight the blood rushing to his crotch).

"It's alright, Theo!" Helga laughed as she spun around so that her back faced him."You can look!"

"Nah-uh!" Theodore refused, blood still rushing through him. Were his ears ringing?

"Just look, Theo!"

"U-uh—um—er— all—all right" He croaked, his voice rough and words stuck in his throat as he dragged his eyes back down to her bare shoulders. It didn't help. Mouth now very dry and lump firmly stuck in his throat, he couldn't help the thoughts that drifted through his head at the sight before him. Loren certainly wasn't helping.

 _She's so close…_ Theodore blushed, fingers barely brushing her fair skin. _And bare for—focus! Focus! Scar! Scar! Look at the alien scar, you pervert!_ Swallowing thickly again, he turned his attention to the perfectly circular scar burnt into her mid-back like a giant target. "That's—that's—" Theodore's shy voice overlapped with Loren's rough one as the two talked together. Theodore's brows furrowed as old memories began to surface; ones that involved obnoxiously coloured jumpsuits and cruel masters. "—That's House of—"

"—Helwyn" Helga nodded.

"…You're a Garde?" Theodore couldn't believe it.

"Mm" She hummed, pulling her shirt back on and turning to face the beet red teen.

"Are—are you Human or Loric?"

"Loric. Yourself?"

"Human"

"Oh"

"Yep"

"So…"

"So…"

"What now?"

"…Wanna play tag?"

* * *

"Y'know when you said you wanted to play tag, this is not what I was thinking!" Helga hissed, gripping tight to the steel pipe in her hands as she crept behind Theodore through the twisting maze of junkyard scrap.

"In—in my defence, I didn't know there was a chimaera following us" Theodore replied, his voice just as low and scared. Afternoon had crept into evening by this point and the shadows that painted the ground were long and ragged as the sky slipped into a pinkish-red hue.

When Theodore had suggested a friendly game of tag, Helga had giggled but pulled him to his feet. A Legacy-filled game of tag had ensued as the two Garde members had hopped about the junkyard like two jackrabbits without a care in the world—at least until the chimaera had shown up. At first, the pair had thought it to be a feral kitten basking itself in the last fews rays of the day's sunlight; and so, being the old cat lady that he really was, Theodore had gone over to pet said animal. Helga had been hesitant and so he'd gently dragged her over.

Before the two could even lay a finger on the fluffy black cat, it had begun to change. Ears melted aside to make way for horns and tiny teeth sharpened into vampiric fangs as multiple eyes narrowed in on the pair. Helga had flown back with a screech and her lumen-fuelled fists had fired a bolt of light at the beast as it grew and grew and _grew._ Theodore soon joined Helga in backing away from the beast; slowly herding the two of them back towards the piles of crushed cars and broken fridges that stood tall in rusty towers.

The beast had let out a mighty roar as they disappeared into the stacks. For the last few minutes nothing but deadly silence had greeted them—not even the sparrows had continued to sing; only the sounds of the blood rushing in their ears, pounding hearts and laboured breathing could be heard.

**_CLANG!_ **

"What was that?" Helga whispered as she fiddled with the steel pipe in her hands.

"Feels like we're being watched" Theodore replied as the pair spun to face the sudden noise.

"That's not helping"

"Sorry, I—"

"—Theo! Shut up!"

"Sorry"

"No, you moron! Can't you hear that?!" Helga held tight to her makeshift weapon as the sound of approaching footsteps became clear in Theodore's ears.

"Get ready!" Helga warned, holding her weapon aloft as Theodore paled, suddenly aware of how real this situation was suddenly becoming, though his thoughts proved otherwise. _Holy shit—she's badass!_

 _"Not the time, dipstick!"_ Loren reminded him.

_Sorry._

Threatening growls echoed through the junkyard as Helga opted to fire bolts of lumen at the beast, never missing and never hitting. It was like the beast wasn't even there—and yet it was. Backed into a dead end, the two Garde members found themselves slaves to their own emotions. "Where is it?!" Helga demanded, her authoritative tone doing all sorts of things to him. "Do you see it?!"

"No—I dunno!" Theodore replied, equally as panicked as the blonde next to him. "I can't see anything!"

"Where is this thing?!"

"It's coming back—it's coming back!" Blue eyes lit up at the flash of a talon circling the end of the alley and the accompanying growls that sounded even closer than before.

"…Theo—get behind me" Helga commanded. "Theo, GET BEHIND ME!" But Theo wasn't listening to Helga. _Chimaeras are just animals, right Loren?_

 _"Yeah, they're companions to the Council Nine. Why? Where are you going with this?"_ Inquired the sentient loralite.

_Well, what does a rival animal do when threatened?_

_"…What?"_

_C'me on, man! You watched that zoology documentary too!_

_"Unfortunately. Those poor rats"_

_Forget about the rats! Just focus!_

_"Well, then what are you—oh!"_

_Took you long enough._

Just as another threatening growl sounded from the chimaera on its warpath, Theodore bled blue. Loralite enveloped his figure as he stood in front of Helga, sheltering her in a stupid attempt that could really go either way. Blue crystals sprouted from every inch of skin and loralite flooded his veins as both he and Loren answered in kind.

**_ROOOOOOAAAAAAAR!_ **

Small towers of junk toppled and dust clouds billowed around them as the loudest sound Theodore had ever made fell from his lips. The roar bounced around the alley, off of fridges and old cars, through busted bike wheels and televisions until no more sounds of approach were heard. Turning to the blonde sheltering behind him as loralite crystals fell to the ground and shattered at their feet, Theodore was met with a gaze full of wide-eyed shock and anger born out of worry. "I—I think I scared it" Theodore uttered.

 _"I_ think you scared _everything!"_ Helga replied as she rose to her feet and smacked him over the back of the head. "What the _stars_ were you thinking?!

"Uh…I don't wanna die?"

"Whatever…" Helga shook her head in disbelief as she dropped the pipe to the ground and began to cautiously make her way back own the alley.

"So…are you still going to the gala, tonight?" Theodore asked, hurrying to keep pace with her.

 _"Seriously?"_ She spun to face him. _"_ We nearly get eaten and you wanna go to a school gala?"

"The optimal word being 'nearly'…"

"We were almost chimaera chow!"

"A life of almost is a life of never!"

"Stop parroting Mrs Jeffersons to me!"

"Sorry…"

"No…I'm sorry—that was harsh—I would love to go to the gala with you"

"Wha—I didn't—I mean—It's date—well, not a date—well—uh—I—I mean—"

"Relax hero" She leant close to peck his cheek before sauntering off like they just hadn't had their lives threatened by an alien beast the size of a small truck."It's a date"

 _Oh my God—Haha! It's a date!_ Theodore squealed, doing an odd little dance in celebration when he thought she couldn't see him anymore.

"I can still see you, Theo"

"Right, I knew that"


	16. Haunted Hooligans & Masked Marauders

Scaling the side their apartment building with loralite-encrusted fingers, Theodore was easily able to slide in through his bedroom window without being noticed by Mama—which in the end turned out to be a good thing. _"Is that…?"_ Loren questioned at the sensual sounds that floated down the hall.

"Oh _God!"_ Theodore gagged, identifying his mother's voice in the cacophony of noise.

_"Go! Go! Go!"_

"I'm going!" Theodore hurriedly moved about his room, exchanging his rumpled school uniform for a pair of worn jeans, a faded _'Hard Rock Cafe'_ tee and a creamy cable knit cardigan that encompassed his hands and fell to his thighs. "Ugh…how long do think they're keep doing that?"

_"I don't wanna even think about it!"_

"Fair point—let's just go" Theodore nodded, scribbling a quick message on the sticky note which he then stuck to the outside of his bedroom door, telling Mama where he was. After grabbing some cash for the gala, Theodore disappeared out the bedroom window to the sound of his mother's moaning.

* * *

The next time Theodore saw Helga she was dressed in a burgundy cable knit sweater dress that fell to her thighs (at first he had thought it was just a large sweater—it still could have been, to be fair) overtop of black tights and suede knee-high boots. The outfit was topped off with a matching burgundy beanie and hoop earrings. Standing there beneath the glittering lights of the hired ferris wheel, Helga glowed in the blinking lights—although her current company left a lot to be desired.

Matthew Cunnings was a tall blonde bloke with gorgeous eyes and a physique typical to that of an athlete. He was considered to be a ladies' man and perfect student, with money and power to boot. He was also a massive pervert. The bet he had running with his best friend, John Whittmore, was also not as inconspicuous as they believed—at the beginning of the year, the two teens had made a bet to see who could bed the most girls. The loser would have to buy the winner a keg of beer and the winner would be decreed as the ultimate ladies' man. They were both pigs.

 _Uh…what do we do?_ Theodore blanched, worrying his lower lip in thought. Thankfully, before Loren could suggest ripping off heads, Helga happened to glance over Cunnings' shoulder and see the curly-haired brunette standing next to the pretzel vendor. Narrowed green eyes followed the blonde girl all the way through the crowd and Theodore couldn't help the petty vindication that flowed through him at the action.

"Hey Theo" Helga smiled in greeting.

"Hi" Theodore replied. "Pretzel?"

"No thanks" She giggled, leading him off towards more glittering lights "C'me on, let's go this way"

After a beat or two, Theodore finally plucked up the courage to ask the question that had been burning in his mind most of that evening, since finding out she was a member of the Loric Garde. "So, Helga…"

"Mm?" She hummed around the fairy floss she had been nibbling on. Theodore shyly smiled at the sight of the melted pink sugar around her lips.

"Why didn't you say you were Garde earlier?" He asked, "If you suspected—like you said, I mean"

"When you first meet somebody, do you dump all your stuff on them?" She sighed, "All your mistakes? Your secrets?" She paused to search his eyes for any sign of understanding or acknowledgement. "Look, I couldn't be sure—y'know what it's like, always running, not trusting anyone, who's in league? Who's not? It's exhausting and I just—I wanted friends that wouldn't turn me in or like me just for my crazy powers. Is that so bad?"

" 'M sorry" Theodore mumbled, unsure what he was really apologising for. "I—I guess after a while you just forget…"

"Well, that's enough of _that._ So uh" Helga grinned, silently accepting the awkward not-quite apology. "What's the hottest attraction in this joint?"

"C'me on" Theodore smiled tentatively, holding his hand out to her. "You'll like this"

The attraction in question—Haunted Hayrides—was the academy's version of a haunted house. A section of the field had been cornered off and decorated in various spooky items, a small tractor pulled a stack of hay bales along behind it for people to sit on. Everyone involved in the hay ride was dressed to the nines, with fake blood and spouting guts and so on.

Upon entering into the maze, the pair were met with several fake bloody heads on pikes—some with flies and others with scavenging crows on them. The sound of whispering voices (most promising death) and buzzing flies echoed throughout the dark corridor as they passed. "RAAAHHH!" Shouted a crazed farmer as he jumped out from behind tree and scaring the shit out of the two teens.

"AHH!" Helga screeched as Theodore jumped before the two dissolved into laughter. The next one was a man strapped to an electric chair who frothed and screamed as they passed. After that was a screaming cheerleader being chopped into little pieces.

"Last year she was drawn and quartered" Theodore explained. "It was awesome"

"So—AHHHH!" The sudden appearance of screaming skeletons falling from the trees caused more laughter and shrieks to escape. Pushing aside the raggedly-dressed skeletons, Theodore and Helga drifted on through the dark maze until the tractor came to a stop in front of a dark gate. "Hell's gate" The driver (Mr Wilson, the drama teacher) turned to the two with a creepy smile. "Everybody off"

This year, Hell's gate was simply decorated like the entrance to a mine shaft. A couple of bodies—fake and actors—lay on the ground at the entrance and a couple of spooky signs were plastered all over the front entrance warning their doom. The tolling of a bell melted into a wolf's howl as it echoed throughout the dark as whatever Halloween playlist was broadcast to set the mood. Moaning from the girl in the pink prom dress to their right accompanied the flash of light that illuminated the gate in front of them as Mr Wilson drove the tractor off. "Heh, quite a production" Helga commented.

"Hm, small school" Theodore replied, holding the door open for her.

No sooner had the door creaked shut behind them, were the two suddenly chased cackling and screeching down the dark twisting hallway by a chainsaw-wielding zombie and two screeching ghosts. The road through Hell's gate was short, and the two teens eventually collided out the other side in a pile of giggly limbs and pounding hearts. "That last bit got me!" Helga laughed, draping herself over Theodore's shoulders as she laughed.

"What is that?" Theodore spun around, his attention suddenly grabbed by the sound of fast approaching footsteps.

The next few moments passed in a blur. One moment he had been staring out into the dark wood and the next he was flat on his back, wheezing as he tried to regain his breath from being tackled to the floor. Punches were thrown at him and pleading screams could be heard from Helga as she struggled against her captors. But it was no use. Thoughts immediately going to a dark place, Theodore wasted no time in using his Legacies.

Loralite erupted up and down his limbs as he and Loren moved in tandem, first throwing the big guy off of him so he could stand and then mercilessly tossing the others around like ragdolls. Two hit the deck and were out cold, one was flung up into the canopy and another was launched towards the school fence. Alien blue eyes scanned the area around him as he looked for the blonde he'd been with. Mouth open tasting for scents and ears pricked for any noise, was how he heard the faint sound of her screams echoing back at him and the sight of lumen piercing the dark.

"HELGA!" Theodore cried as he raced after the source, intent on reaching the Loric before the Mogadorians or soldiers who'd somehow found them.

 _"There!"_ Loren called as the scent of coconut and fire became stronger than ever.

"Helga!" Theodore burst from the treeline to find Helga on the ground with her clothes slightly rumpled and Matthew standing over her, his pants around his ankles and cock in his hands. "Are you okay?"

"Theo…" Helga breathed, tearfully weaving her arms around his neck and clinging to the human Garde like her life depended on it. "He tried to—he was going to—" She didn't need to finish the sentence, Theodore could figure it out. Gently peeling her arms off of him, he slowly rose to his feet as pulled off the cardigan he had been wearing and gently slid it over Helga like a blanket; not once did his vengeful eyes leave Matthew.

Completely uncaring of the situation nor of his state of dress, Matthew met Theodore in his challenge, both teens eager to fight for the blonde. In the end though, it wasn't much of a fight. Sidestepping the punch thrown, Theodore easily shifted his weight and gripped tight to the outstretched arm before flinging Matthew over his shoulder in the same manner he'd done to his friends earlier. Next Loren to the reins, merging more of his crystallised features with Theodore as the human Garde strode over to wear the human boy was wheezing for breath.

Entrapped in their telekinetic hold, Matthew was unable to move no matter how he struggled or cried. Grunts fell from his lips and tears tracked down his cheeks as Loren bought him down until they were face-to-face. So fuelled by pageful vengeance, Theodore didn't hesitate when Loren cracked their jaw wide open to reveal a monstrous blue tongue. Trailing their massive tongue over the jock's fearful face, Loren took such great pleasure in torturing the teen in his grasp that he barely remembered they weren't alone. Barely.

"THEO! NO!" Helga shouted, causing the loralite beast to pause in his actions. "WE DO _NOT_ EAT PEOPLE!"

"Loren gerir! Loren suaro! Loren et!" Loren protested turning to the girl, the sweet-sounding Loric feeling rough and clunky on his tongue.

"Th—Loren, can I have Theo back? Please?" Helga's eyes lit up at the use of her mothertongue and her heart twanged at the sound she had not heard in a long time. She cautiously stepped forward and held a hand up to him. He bowed his head to her and she caressed his crystallised cheeks and searched his blue orbs with such gentleness; one the loralite beast had not seen in a long time. "Pretty please?"

With head bowed, Loren silently acquiesced the reins back to Theodore as shards of loralite fell away and shattered to dust at their feet. Theodore came to, blinking rapidly with a confused expression engraved in his features. A quick glance was spared between his slightly bruised body and the splayed hand holding Matthew high in the air. Although Theodore couldn't remember what Loren had done during his turn at the reins, he _could_ remember what was going on beforehand.

He turned to Matthew, gently settling him down, though he didn't let go of his charge. Bending down to speak in the bully's ear, Theodore hissed his threats. "If you so much as look at her again, I won't hold back got it? If you make her cry, I'll make you cry. Clear?"

"Mmhm!" Matthew mumbled his assertions before scrambling backwards and over the pants still tangled around his ankles in his attempt to retreat.

With Matthew now gone, Theodore shyly turned to Helga. Gone was the confident boy with razor-sharp claws and threatening stare, instead replaced by the usual timid and shy creature that inhabited the teen stood in the dark with shoulders hunched up around his ears and feet scuffing the mulch-covered ground beneath them. "Theo…" Helga breathed, wrapping his cardigan tightly around her shoulders like a large blanket. Understanding flitted through her hazel eyes as she watched Theodore fold in on himself as if he was expecting a blow. Timid blue eyes remained glued to the floor as the blonde Loric slowly came forward and earnestly wrapped the human in a tight hug. "Thank you" Theodore reflexively snapped his arms up to return the hug as Helga melted into him, her shaking body melding with his. "Will you walk me home?"

* * *

Stars twinkled above the city as Theodore shuffled back through the streets on his way home after dropping Helga off. The two had parted with a clingy hug that was only broken up by the flickering of the porch light and Helga's mother sitting in the bay window with a smug smile, a camera & a cup of tea. Both had parted with red cheeks and embarrassed smiles.

"You think they're still going?" Theodore asked, as he stood out on the curb and looked up at their apartment building.

 _"Let's not risk it"_ Loren replied. Both the human and the alien rock were tired from their night out and were looking forward to sleep.

"Yeah…but where then? Milton's on the other side of the city…"

_"Well, there's always the family home"_

"The Umbrella Academy? But we said we'd never go back there!"

_"Yeah, well we're outta options—unless you wanna sleep on the roof or a park bench"_

"Umbrella Academy it is!" Theodore agreed as he made his way towards the nearest subway entrance.

Slipping through the gates and onto the sparse subway car, Theodore situated himself towards one of the doors and sat back, trying his best to beat the languid lizard blinks of sleep. As tired as he was, Theodore didn't even blink at the odd sight going on just a couple of seats down. A man—probably drunk or high—was dressed only in the top-half of a Spongebob Squarepants costume and wrestling a businessman (he kept kicking away his large black briefcase) in a two-piece black suit & a cartoonic pig mask (full head). The best part? Not one person got up to help.

 _"Mm, this is our stop"_ Loren mumbled, bringing Theodore out of his thoughts.

"Thanks" Theodore yawned as he hauled himself out of the mysteriously sticky seat and made his way back out onto the street. The trip from the subway station to the academy was brief; occasionally filled with the chatter of a drunk or incessant pleading of the (not-quite) homeless draped around the stoops and side allies.

Soon enough, they found themselves heaving open the large iron front gates of the Umbrella Academy. As late as it was, Theodore wasn't expecting anyone to still be up when he stumbled in through the door; as such the sight he was met with stopped him dead in his tracks. Rubbing the palms of his hands in his eyes, Theodore checked to see if he was really seeing a shirtless Uncle Luther with the upper torso of an ape standing next to a broken chandelier. "Holy shit…" Breathed Uncle Diego from across the room.

 _"Oh so that's why he smelled like ape!"_ Loren realised. _"I guess that makes him a monkey's uncle?"_

 _Oh haha! Very funny!_ Theodore sassed, hiding a yawn behind his hands as his very hairy uncle escaped up the stairs. "Mama?" He stepped out into the light, "Wha—what's going on?" Another yawn fell from his lips.

"Teddy!" Mama rushed over and wrapped her son in a tight hug. "What are you doing here? Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine Mama, just tired"

"I'm so sorry, wasn't the gala tonight?"

"Mmhm" He nodded tiredly into her shoulder, "I went with a—uh friend"

"Milton?"

"Helga"

"Oh?"

_"Mama!"_

"Why did you say anything earlier?"

"You were uh… _busy_ when I came home"

"Busy—? O _h…"_

"Yeah…"

Just then Auntie Allison returned with an ice pack and Uncle Diego hot on her heels. "Here" Auntie offered the ice pack to his mother when she pulled away.

"Mama, you're hurt!"

"It's just a bump, I'm fine" She reassured him as she moved to sit on one of the couches in the parlour.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Auntie added, sitting on the coffee table in front of Mama as Theodore relaxed into the saggy cushions next to his mother. Mama just nodded as Uncle Diego paced like a caged animal.

"Diego?" Mama queried cautiously.

"What are _you_ still doing here?" Uncle Diego finally asked.

"I'm just trying to help"

"No, you COULD'VE BEEN KILLED! Or gotten any of us killed" He turned to Auntie as if stating a fact. _"She_ is a liability"

Theodore was practically seething at the accusations thrown towards his mother, and towards the supposed loving siblings in front of them. "I'm sick and tired of your chauvinistic vigilante bullcrap!" Theodore hissed, tiredly climbing to his feet and meeting his uncle head on with fists clenched white-knuckled at his sides.

 _"What_ did you just say to me?" Uncle Diego growled in warning but Theodore continued on unwavered in his challenge.

"Since the moment we arrived, you've had your head shoved so far up your ass, I'm surprised you can even breath!" Pushing closer, Loren bled into his features and layered over his voice, making Uncle Diego pause slightly.

"Guys!" Auntie scolded tiredly.

"So why don't you grow up or _EIN SPADI FOR QVOKI NE SKEFIR DRPR MUNNI NE SVINHQFDI!"_ It was clear that Uncle Diego had no idea what he'd just said, but understood the tone to mean it was insulting and had clenched one of his fists while the other had hovered over his knives.

_"GUYS!"_

No longer able to find the words to express how he felt, Theodore pulled back his lips in a snarl, the deep growl sounding animalistic in its tone. The blue and white antique vase that had been violently shaking alongside Theodore's rage, suddenly exploded shattering into a thousand pieces and scattering shards across the floor. It seemed that this was enough to halt Uncle Diego entirely; instead he was now warily eyeing his enraged nephew.

However before things could escalate further, Mama chose that moment to leave. "Mama?" Theodore turned towards his mother, brows furrowed as his mood switched on a dime. "Where are you going?" He didn't receive a reply, instead she simply walked out the door without sparing a second glance back.

"Good riddance" Uncle Diego scoffed, taking the reprieve to dart further back into the house. Theodore turned to him and growled again, but he let his aunt push him back onto the couch behind him. Sagging into the cushions once more, his tired eyes watched Auntie pace back and forth as she scolded him. It was to the sound of his Auntie's scoldings that Theodore drifted off into blissful sleep.


	17. Let's Blow this Popsicle Stand!

**_27 March 2019_ **

When Theodore awoke that morning, it was to the sound of his phone alarm telling him to get ready for school. Which was odd only in the fact that he'd slept straight through his obnoxiously loud alarm clock and the several bangs on the bedroom wall, telling him to shut it off. Eventually peeling his eyes open, it still took him a full minute to realise that he was in the parlour room of the Umbrella Academy and not home in his bed. When it did finally dawn on him, he awkwardly leapt from the couch, letting the throw blanket (he suspected Auntie or Nana had placed it on him at some point) to fall to his waist and tangle in his legs.

After fumbling to his feet, Theodore was met with the sight of his Gruncle Pogo slowly dancing with the mop around the shards of the vase he'd broken last night in a fit of rage. Embarrassment coloured his cheeks as he quickly folded up the blanket & placed it back on the couch before he paused for a moment to put his shoes back on before he darted out the door. He called out a quick apology over his shoulder as he passed and ran to the subway, intent on making it home in time to do a quick change of clothes and head off to school.

* * *

The sparseness of the apartment didn't even register as Theodore hurriedly hopped about, shoving himself into his uniform and chucking his things into his school bag before he hurried off to his work studies. It wouldn't be until later when he wondered where his mother had gone.

When he arrived at _Meritech Industries—_ after checking in with his teacher for roll call—he made his way over to the receptionist where a playful scolding was delivered by Cindy, who suggested to the pink-cheeked teen, that maybe he should tidy himself up in the bathroom before handing him several files that needed to be sorted and put away. Slapping the manilla folder of files on the edge of the bathroom sink, Theodore set about splashing water on his freckled face and finger-combing his curls into some sort of tidy hairstyle. He spent another quick minute readjusting his rumpled shirt and redid his tie.

Next, he visited the vending machines on that floor for a makeshift breakfast. "Mmm…roast beef or turkey?" Theodore mused, as he pursued the cold sandwich flavours before him. "What do you think?"

 _"As long as it's not egg and bacon"_ Loren replied, the alien language in his head soothing the last remnants of Theodore's embarrassment.

"Okay—uh, let's go with the roast beef today" Theodore decided, slotting the correct change into the vending machine before punching in the combination number for the sandwich he wanted.

 _"And a Crunchy bar_ _too!"_ Loren added as the sandwich fell to the compartment at the bottom.

"Alright" Theodore chuckled, adding some more change and putting in the next combination for the chocolate-covered honeycomb.

After pocketing the chocolate bar, Theodore then got to work quickly devouring the sandwich as he moved to the filing room where he could finally start his first task of the day. That was until a sight made him stop in his tracks. A businessman and woman were dressed similar two-piece black suit and ties (ones that he half-pie connected to the man in the pig mask on the subway last night—only they held red gasoline cans rather than briefcases) as they chatted with one of the many posters that lined the hallways. The stocky man wore a blue cartoonic animal mask that bore a horrifying grin (Theodore couldn't tell if it was supposed to be a chipmunk or a bear or both), whilst the giggly woman wore a playfully cute pink puppy mask. _Are they…circus?_ He questioned.

 _"I dunno, but let's keep going just in case—there's something 'bout them I don't like"_ Loren replied.

 _That's probably because they're high._ Theodore noted. It wasn't hard to see—the two seemed to be having a meaningful conversation with the insurance poster on the wall like it was an actual living person. Quietly skirting around the two, Theodore continued on down the hall towards the filling room, dropping his sandwich wrapper in a nearby bin as he did so.

Nodding a quiet greeting to the snooty Hemmings as he passed, Theodore slipped into the filling room and began to comb the aisles for the right cabinet. No sooner had he located and unlocked the cabinet, was the world turned on its head. _"Do you smell that?"_ Loren asked, making Theodore pause in his task.

"Smoke?" Theodore sniffed, glancing about the glass-encased room as he tried to find the source. "But whe—?"

**_KABOOM!_ **

The sudden explosion of fire shook the building to its core. Rattling G\glass walls and windows until they blew outwards, showering people in harmful shards. Terrified screams, hacking coughs and wailing echoed around him. Theodore barely registered the hand hauling him to his feet as he tried to clear the ash from his eyes and cough out the smoke stuck in his lungs. Loren fluctuated beneath his skin as panic set in and the Human Garde registered the roaring inferno around them. Adrenaline rushed through him like a raging river as a soot-covered and bleeding doctor hauled him to his feet and out through the broken door, dodging flames as they did so.

**_BRRRRRIIIING! BRRRRIIIIIING!_ **

The ringing of the fire alarm sounded late—although it could have been the ringing in his ears, Theodore wasn't quite sure. Blindly following after the doctor, Theodore merged with the other survivors on their floor as they rushed towards the closest emergency exit. The next few moments were a blur to the teen, who coughed, hacked and retched his way down the stairs and out of the flaming building.

At one point, the group were met with responding firefighters coming up the stairs; a few carried on and others helped to guide the group outside to the waiting police and EMTs. One moment, Theodore had been standing next a filing cabinet on the fifth floor, and the next he was trying to hack up smoke-clogged lungs as an EMT fitted an oxygen mask over his face, while the building went up in flames behind him.

* * *

_"This is Diego Hargreeves, you know what to do"_

**_BEEP_ **

_"Hey Diego, it's Eudora. I've got your nephew here—he's fine, but the EMTs can't discharge him without a family member here. So if you could get off your ass, we're at Meritech Industries—oh, and don't wear your stupid knives"_

* * *

It wasn't the first time Diego had arrived at a crime scene unannounced, nor was it the first time that Eudora had called him in to (privately) collaborate on a particularly nasty or difficult case. It was however, the first time (to his knowledge) that a family member had been involved—at least since his days as one of the six students in the Umbrella Academy.

The large black overcoat he was wearing overtop of his usual ensemble made him sweat like a pig, but as much as he knew that Eudora said she despised his outfit, there were only a select number of times she'd specifically requested he didn't wear it. Those times being when sensitive victims or subject matter were involved; in those times he knew he had to play by the rules least he be accused of something he (probably) didn't do.

Upon arriving at the crime scene at _Meritech Industries_ , Diego easily pushed his way through the throng of media and ducked beneath the yellow police tape as he made his way over to where his ex-girlfriend & colleague stood next to the back door of ambulance, seemingly taking a statement from the person seated there. It was only once he got closer that he realised it was his rather sooty nephew.

Theodore sat on the back stoop of the ambulance with his legs dangling over the side and barely scraping against the concrete. His purple-trimmed school uniform was covered in soot & ash. What dust/soot and ash had been on his face had been half-heartedly wiped away, leaving little smudges here and there that bounced atop his freckles as he talked. Now and then, his chin would bump against the oxygen mask hanging around his neck and his hands fiddled with the edges of the emergency blanket someone had placed over him in the meantime.

Diego's concerned eyes trailed over the variously coloured band-aids that were plastered across Theodore's cheeks & forehead, to the barely-there scratches hidden beneath the mess which were deemed insignificant by the EMTs. Although he had not forgotten the confrontation from the night before, Diego couldn't help the worry that pinged in his heart when he saw his nephew sitting there. Nor could he fight the ghostly image of a young Ben garbed in mission gear imposing over the teen.

"Dora" Diego greeted, announcing himself as he pulled up next to the two, hallowing thickly.

"Diego" Eudora nodded, putting away her notepad and tucking the pen behind her ear as she did so. "Aren't you hot in that thing?" Her brows furrowed as she nodded to the overcoat he was wearing.

"No" He stubbornly denied, although he could feel the beads of sweat dripping down the back of his neck.

"Really?" Eudora quirked a brow, not believing him in the slightest.

"What happened?" Diego tried to ignore the hateful eyes of his nephew over her shoulder as said nephew slid the oxygen mask back into place.

"You _know_ I can't tell you that, but the EMTs needed you to here to discharge him from their care" She sighed, turning to him with crossed arms.

"Why not call his mother?" He replied.

"We did—or we tried, weren't able to get in contact with her"

"What?"

"The kid mentioned something about a new boyfriend and family issues"

"Oh"

"Look, I need to get back to work. Just sign him out with his teacher and the EMTs"

"And where's his teacher?"

"Over there, with the glasses & duck tie" She nodded towards a middle-aged man fitting the description as he talked with another detective. "Try not to kill him"

Not two moments later—after talking to the equally sooty teacher—Diego found himself escorting Theodore back under the police tape and over to his car. At first Theodore had refused to get in, but the exhaustion clearly written on his freckled face showed that whatever adrenaline had been pumping through his system was finally coming down. Diego hadn't said anything at that point, even as the teen growled lowly, but gave in and slid into the back seat, slamming the door a little bit harder than necessary.

"Jesus!" Diego sighed, rolling his eyes skyward as he silently remarked on the stubbornness of teenagers before sliding into the driver's seat and tossing his overcoat into the passenger's seat beside him. He sat there for a moment, hands gripped on the steering wheel and eyes locked on the tired teen in his rearview mirror as he fought with himself over whether or not he would get any real answers out of his nephew about last night, or what had happened in the medical building. Anger roiled in his gut at how the teen had treated him after stating such a simple fact about Vanya—she was a liability, didn't he see that?—Anger that warred with his constant need to protect, to be number one. It was then, that said sibling's voice rattled through his head.

 _"You never know when to stop, do you?"_ Vanya's comment from the funeral floated through his head as he stared at Theodore's reflection, at the familiarly haunted eyes which stared out of the back seat window, seemingly lost. Eyes he'd seen in his siblings, eyes he'd seen when looking in the mirror, eyes he'd seen in Five whenever the Apocalypse was bought up or in Allison's whenever his niece was mentioned or…he could go on. The fact of the matter was, he knew those eyes and he hated seeing them on someone so young; they were the eyes of a haunted man, lost in his past regrets.

Diego tightened his grip on the steering wheel, letting a breath hiss out from between his gritted teeth before he restarted the car and drove off, this time knowing he had to stop in his pursuit. Normally he would've taken Theodore back to the academy for Mom to take care of him, but after the eventful evening the night before he knew it was no longer safe. There was only one other place he could think of.


	18. Don't Let the Bed Bugs Bite

Uncle Diego's place was not what Theodore had been expecting, and yet at the same time it fitted him perfectly. As it turned out, Uncle Diego lived in the boiler /storage room of the local boxing gym that he sometimes fought in; the owner—Al—had apparently rented him the place free of cash, in exchange for Uncle Diego's services. It would depend on the day, but typically he was found in the boxing ring either fighting or wiping it down.

Inside the boiler room, Theodore was met with low-hanging lights and exposed brick walls. A full length mirror taken from the academy was placed at the bottom of the stairs and a crocheted image of a domino mask, pair of knives and his name was framed and hanging on the wall. The dust collecting around it suggested the item was one of his uncle's prized possessions as it was one of the few clean items in the room.

A single twin bed (the one in which he now lay on, his head propped up by a couple of moth-bitten pillows) sat tucked away in the back of the room, out of sight. From his vantage point, Theodore could spot several old boxing posters littered about the place with his Uncle's face plastered across them and an old handheld radio that sat on the work bench off to the side. The only mention of family-related items he had spotted upon arrival, was the stack of old gossip magazines sitting beneath some newspapers, and a selection of Umbrella Academy figurines lining one of the windowsills. The remaining junk cluttered in the room belonged to Al. It was like the Bat cave on a budget.

It wasn't long after Uncle Diego had guided him over to the bed with stilted instructions to rest, that the vigilante-wannabe had disappeared back out the door, muttering something about Uncle Five and masked intruders. Theodore probably should've cared more, but exhaustion from the day's events pulled at his lids and he just enough energy to toe off his smoked shoes & chuck his blazer towards the end of the bed. He was asleep before his head even hit the pillows.

* * *

It was dark outside when Theodore woke briefly to the sound of heavy footsteps thundering down the short flight of stairs and another weight being added to the bed beside him. Blearily peeling his tired eyes open, he was met with the sight Uncle Five's back and Uncles Luther & Diego standing over them. Theodore scrunched up his nose in disgust at the scent of alcohol and vomit that emanated from Uncle Five, but he was glad for the extra warmth.

"Funny, if I didn't know he was such a prick, I'd say he looks almost adorable in his sleep" Uncle Diego commented.

"Don't worry, he'll sober up eventually and be back to his normal unpleasant self" Uncle Luther replied.

"You alright there, Theo?" Uncle Diego nodded to him when he saw the teen's reaction to the smell of his newest bedmate.

" 'M hvilad, forvodor" Theodore grumbled, the Loric words easily falling from his lips as he flopped back against the pillows and pulled the scratchy blankets back over his head as he went back to sleep, ignorant of the confused looks both uncles sported at his response.

* * *

**_28 March 2019_ **

Luther had stepped out for only a moment to use the gym's bathroom in the early hours of the morning, sometime after Diego had left to retrieve Klaus. So when he returned he was greeted to a sight that made him pause for a moment as he took it in; before he fished around in one of his pockets looking for his phone to take a photo. In the brief window that he'd been gone, Five must've awoken as the glass of water and aspirin that had been placed on the bedside table were gone and he had returned to the bed with his mannequin in tow. In turn, while Five clung to the half-dressed mannequin, Theodore had wrapped himself around Five's small frame and was cuddling him like he was a teddy bear as he snored like a chainsaw. It was all very cute and perfect blackmail material.

**_CLICK! FLASH!_ **

"Shit—no wait—!" Luther cursed when he realised he'd left the flash on, but it was too late. Five was awake again, this time looking for all the world like the teenager he appeared to be. Narrowed eyes turned to his deer-caught-in-the-headlights form with phone still in hand.

"What?" Five grumbled, as he tried to sit up; though it was a little difficult with another one and half people sharing the twin bed. Eventually, he opted for placing his mannequin on the floor by the bed and forcefully pried Theodore's arms off of his waist. Luther was afraid that the action would wake the ash-covered teen, but all he did was grunt and roll to face the wall as Five swung his feet over the edge of the bed.

"Nothing" Luther rushed out as he stuffed his phone back in his pocket.

"Did—did you just take a photo?" Five squinted at him.

"No—no, I was just…looking for a signal" Luther excused, internally wincing at how bad the excuse was. Five either bought it or brushed it off as he placed his (undoubtedly) aching head in his hands—he _did_ drink an _entire_ bottle of vodka in one sitting.

The sound of Theodore grumbling in his sleep as he tossed over again seemed to knock Five out of his reverie and he turned to Luther who had taken the taken the time to pull up a stool he was sure would give out under his weight. A million and one questions burned on Luther's tongue; questions about what happened to Five, what was this mission he was so dead set on completing, who the masked intruders—Hazel & Cha-Cha—really were, what they wanted with their family and so on. But as he sat there watching his little brother polish the glass eye he had plucked from his pocket like an addict needing his fix, Luther found himself pausing.

In the end, he settled on the simplest question: "When's it s'posed to happen?" He asked quietly. "This…Apocalypse?"

"I can't give you the exact hour" Five sighed defeatedly, "But from what I could gather, we have four days left"

"Why didn't you say something sooner?!"

"It wouldn't have mattered"

"Of course it would! We could've banded together and helped you try to stop this thing!"

"For the record, you already tried"

"What d'ya mean?"

"…I found all of you" Five admitted, blinking repeatedly as he tried to clear his suddenly misty eyes. "Your bodies"

"We die?" Luther repeated flabbergasted as if the notion hadn't even occurred to him.

"Horribly" Five swallowed thickly as if the words had become stuck in his throat. In that moment, Luther finally understood why his brother had been so against their help. "You were together, trying to stop whomever it was that ends the world"

"Wait—How d'ya know that?" Luther queried, turning his far-off gaze from the floor to his brother.

"This was clutched in your dead hand when I found you" Five gestured with the glass eye, before softly chucking it to him. Luther turned over the brown eye, a little grossed out by the item in question. A few smudges of dried blood remained ingrained in the cracked glass despite Five's repetitive polishings, and a serial number on the back. "Must've ripped it outta their head before they went down" Five concluded as Luther inspected his second most prized possession (after Dolores, of course).

"Whose head?" Luther asked, running a hairy thumb across the cracked glass.

"Like I said; I don't know" Five shook his head.

"Well, there's a serial number on the back" Luther pointed out, trying to help. "Maybe—maybe you can try to—"

"—No that's a dead end" Five cut in, "It's just another hunk of glass"

As Luther handed the glass eye back to Five, the time-traveler turned to spare a glance over his shoulder at their nephew who appeared to mumbling gibberish in his sleep as he tossed and turned. "Why's Theodore here?" Five nodded to him.

"Diego said something about a work studies internship & a fire" Luther replied softly as he tried to sort through the information Five had just dumped on him.

"Meritech!" Five cursed.

"Yeah…" Luther drew out the word as he raised a brow in question at Five, "He said they couldn't get a hold of Vanya, so they called him"

"Vanya…?" Five's brows furrowed in puzzlement, "Why wouldn't she—?"

"—I dunno" Luther shrugged, turning his attention away from narrowed eyes and back to his large hands. "You'd have to ask Diego"

"Nn" Five grunted his acknowledgement, accompanied by a short nod.

**_SLAM!_ **

"Piece of shit—!" Before the two could continue, the door behind them slammed open and Diego stormed inside with hellish wrath written on his features and furious tears gathering in his eyes. "Do you have _any_ idea of what you just did?!" Diego demanded, charging towards Five.

"Mmf!" Luther stood and quickly intercepted his angry brother, trapping his arms by his sides and lifting him off the ground.

"Nn! Nope! Lemme—!" Diego struggled uselessly in Luther's strong grip as Five let the protective stance he'd startled into, go. "Get your ape hands offa me!"

"I can do this as long as it takes for you to calm down" Luther warned.

"…Tch" Diego fell limp, "Fine"

"Now" Luther set Diego back on his feet but remained stationed between the bed and Diego. "Wanna tell us what you're talking about?"

"Our brother's been pretty busy since he got back" Diego hissed, eyes trained on the time-traveler. "He was in the middle of that shoot-out at _Griddy's_ and then at _Gimble Brothers'_ after the guys in masks _attacked_ the academy looking for _him!"_

"None of which is any of your concern" Five retorted, his tone completely blasé.

"It is now, they just killed my friend"

Luther turned to Five who remained seated on the bed, but his expression had fallen into the closest thing resembling remorse that he could ever remember him wearing. "Who are they Five?" Luther asked.

"…They work for my former employer" Five swallowed thickly as if admitting so would bring death raining down on them right there and then. "A woman called the Handler. She sent them to stop me and then as soon as Diego's…friend got in their way…well, fair game"

"And now, they're _my_ fair game!" Diego hissed. "And I'm gonna see to it they pay!"

"That would be a mistake, Diego, they've killed people far more dangerous than you" Five warned as Diego spun on his and began to march out of the room once more.

"Yeah, we'll see about that" Diego called over his shoulder as he climbed the small flight of stairs, still fighting the tears in his eyes.

**_SLAM!_ **

However, just as he was about to reach for the doorknob, the door swung shut and closed with another slam making the three conscious occupants startle in surprise. "What the hell?!" Diego spun to face Luther and Five (who remained on the other side of the room—one on the edge of the bed and the other standing next to it) after useless rattling the doorknob in an attempt to open the door. "What was that for?!" He demanded.

"No one touched the door, Diego" Five snarked.

"Yeah right!" Diego stomped back down the stairs and over to the two congregated by the bed.

"It wasn't us!" Luther raised his hands in surrender

"Oh? So you expect me to believe it was Theo?"

"Ney…forvodor! Et neue me! Neue me!" Theodore suddenly cried out, making all three uncles snap around. The language wasn't one that Luther recognised, though the tone of it sounded almost like it was French, but that was it.

"Theodore…?" Five asked softly as they watched the tears streak down his freckled cheeks and white-knuckled fists clench into the fabric of the blanket covering him as he tossed and turned. The way his face contorted into expressions of pain and fear pulled at Luther's heartstrings and he wanted nothing more than to end his nephew's suffering, but he didn't know how.

What happened next however, none of them were expecting. As more gibberish fell from Theodore's lips, random objects—including Theodore himself—around the room began to float, some even spinning on an invisible axis. "What the hell—!" Diego cursed as he dodged a spinning spanner that flew towards him from the work bench. As Theodore's words picked up in fervour, more things took to the air until all three Hargreeves siblings were hoisted skywards.

"I think he's having a nightmare!" Luther called out as he bobbed towards one of the shaking ceiling lights.

"Yeah! No shit!" Diego fired back as he was shot across the room like a rocket. As for Five, he tried to teleport closer to Theodore's writhing form just above the bed, but each time he made it close enough, he was just pushed away by some unseen force.

"So wake him up!" Luther sassed.

"What do you think I've been trying to do?!" Five snarked as he was sent flying once more—this time gripping tight to Dolores.

"Neue…!" Theodore whined, his voice becoming desperate as he fought against monsters they couldn't see. "LOREN DEPIKA! GAVIR! LOREN!"

"Guys…" Diego warned as he flipped upside down like he'd been yanked upwards by his belt loops. "He's glowing—!"

"Well, that can't be good" Luther commented as Theodore's veins started to fluctuate and glow an eery blue.

"Vanya never said he glowed!" Diego shouted in pain as he banged into one of the beams.

"Yeah, well, she also didn't mention the nightmares or the gibberish!" Luther fired back.

"Well, then what _did_ she say?" Five cut in before the two could go all out, as he wedged himself in one of the corners of the room.

"She said he was telekinetic!" Luther called from the other end of the room.

"No she said, he was telekinetic among other things!" Diego retorted.

"No she didn't!"

"Yes she did! You were just too busy accusing everyone of murder!"

"Hey idiots! Focus!" Five interrupted "Floating blue nephew—how do we wake him up?"

In the end, it appeared they didn't need to as Theodore suddenly snapped upright with a wheezing gasp as he fell the foot back into bed. A lot of things happened at once; with Theodore no longer (un)consciously using his telekinesis, the items & people in the air suddenly slammed back to earth. Luther hit the ground hard, landing on his back with a wheeze and knocking his hard head against the stairs as gravity returned to normal.

Used to the moon's gravity as he was, Luther was the first to recover as he spared a quick glance to both Diego (who was cursing up a storm from where he had awkwardly landed on top of a pile of weights) and Five (who was still clutching onto his mannequin like his life depended on it). Both seemed okay; so he moved on to inspect their nephew who now sat hunched over on the bed, hugging his knees as his shoulders shook with quiet sobs. Whatever he had been dreaming about seemed to have really scared him.

"Theo?" Diego asked, unnaturally soft as he and Five joined Luther at the bedside. "Are you alright?" Theodore didn't reply, but his shoulders continued to shake with silent sobs.

"Nice going, Diego, you just made it worse" Five snarked, as Luther's giant hands hovered over Theodore's form before retracting as an idea came to mind.

"Why you little—!" Diego turned on Five, his previous anger towards him still raging.

"Knock it off, you two" Luther scolded as he returned with a somewhat clean towel that he'd scavenged from the pile now slumped by the door.

"He started it" Five excused, sounding very much like the thirteen year-old he appeared to be.

"Well, I'm ending it" Luther replied as he lay the towel overtop of Theodore's head and let it fall around him like a shield.

"What's _that_ s'posed to do, genius?" Diego then turned on Luther.

"I dunno" He shrugged, "It used to work with Ben—and back up, stop crowding him"

That seemed to take all the wind out of Diego's sails who deflated at the mention of their deceased brother and reluctantly backed down. At the same time, Theodore curled in on himself further as he held tight to the edges of the towel and used it like a safety blanket. In the meantime, Luther righted the stool he had been sitting on before as Diego chose to remain standing and Five returned to the edge of the bed.

The three elder Hargreeves remained there in silent vigil until Theodore peered out from beneath the towel with tear-covered freckles and misty blue orbs that seemed to stare right into their souls. A few brown curls clung to his sweaty face and he wore an expression of unexplainable hauntedness that told them just how bad the nightmares really were. Luther's heart cried out for his nephew, because in that moment when he looked at them like his world was made of glass, he looked so much like Ben did after a mission, that it physically hurt. The sharp intake of breath from Diego and Five's hand gripped tight to the blankets beneath him, told Luther they agreed.


	19. Back to School

Absentmindedly Theodore listened in to his uncles' conversation from where he remained huddled on the bed with the towel serving as a shield between them. "…Former employer?" Uncle Luther sounded skeptical, "What's this _really_ about, Five? And don't give me this 'it isn't any of your business' crap! Alright?"

"Well, it's a long story…" Uncle Five sighed, the bed squeaking as he shifted. Just as Theodore was lost in his reverie, Uncle Five soon became lost in his. "They turned me into the perfect instrument for rehabilitation of the timeline continuum—or corrections, as they called it. I wasn't the only one, there were others like me; beings out of time, fractured, extracted from the lives that they knew. I dunno how they got there, but I _do_ know that none of them were as good as me. They didn't realise it, but I was biding my time, trying to figure out the right equation so I could get back. If I could just get back, I could stop the Apocalypse…save the world—"

Theodore clutched tighter to his legs as Uncle Five's story continued, the tones of his voice and the details of the story sounding very much like the memories he bore of the _Ragnor-Ra Rehab Center_ in Arizona. The kids there had had it drilled into them that they were there to learn, and so it had affectionately been referred to as 'the School'. Everyone had been given codenames—the kids were known as 'Students', the human soldiers as 'Teachers' and the Mogadorian scientists as 'Deans' and so on. It was why he had been terrified of attending Saint Gregory's when he was younger—sometimes he still saw shadows and ghosts of his past in those hallways.

"—So I broke my contract" Uncle Five continued, dragging Theodore out of his darker thoughts.

"So…you were a hitman?" Uncle Luther queried, trying to wrap his head around what Uncle Five had been saying. Theodore was still wrapped up in his own mind to really understand what was going on; it just seemed to float in one ear and out the other.

"Yes"

"You—you had…a code, right? You didn't kill just anybody?"

"No code—we took out anyone who messed with the timeline"

"What about innocent people?"

"It was the only way I could get back here"

"But that's murder!"

"Jesus, Luther! Grow up! We're not kids anymore; there's no such thing as good guys or bad guys, there's just people going about their lives. But when the world ends, all those people die. _Including_ our family…time changes _everything"_

* * *

Sometime later after Uncles Five and Luther had disappeared (one teleporting elsewhere, and the other to the gym's bathroom), Theodore's cellphone sang its ringtone from where it sat snuggled in his blazer pocket. It served to knock him out of the reverie he'd fallen into following his nightmare and the blazing eyes of his uncles when they stared at him as he quietly cried.

Heaving a shuddering sigh, he peeled back the towel far enough for him to poke an arm out and give him enough of a view of the room for him to see that Uncle Diego had also left at some point. Splaying his fingers, he silently called forth the singing device into his waiting hand. Retracting his arm back into the safety of his little halo, Theodore went about answering the singing phone.

Unravelling from the position he had curled himself up into, Theodore scooted back until his back met the brick wall, still keeping the towel atop his head as he unlocked his phone and flicked through the _many_ messages that filled the screen. The first few included selfies, miss yous and wish you were heres from Milton and Helga (the selfies morphing from the pair laughing over lunch to sloppily drinking from solo cups amongst their peers at whomever's party), following that the tone of the messages turned worried as they begged for him to answer his phone following the news of _Meritech's_ destruction.

The last of the messages made his insides turn cold as his stomach dropped; there were many short messages—all of them sounding harried and documenting their situation as the two were confronted by something unknown. A shiver of dread filled him and his mouth ran dry as he stared at the last picture sent to him from Milton. The picture was grainy, but Theodore could pick out that symbol anywhere; no matter the size, no matter the quality, it wasn't something one forgot easily, not when you went through that kind of thing.

The symbol in question was simple, three coloured rings that intersected each other like a three-way Venn diagram. The bottom left was blue to represent Lorics, the bottom right was green to represent Humans and the black ring on top represented Mogadorians. The trio of rings was then encircled by a thick white ring. All strong, all equals, all fighting—Theodore often thought that the placement of the rings was a nod towards the outcome of the war, what with the Mogadorians' ring on top.

A quick glance at the background showed him the polished golden railing of the academy's cafeteria and before he knew it, he had jettisoned from the bed and was the door, sprinting down the street on loralite-fuelled limbs. Loralite flooded his veins and blue pulsed beneath his skin as Theodore ran, the alien powers within him helping to push him further, faster than what he could have done alone. Theodore paid no mind to the looks he received at his state of dress nor the (muttered) comments thrown at his back.

Crystalline blue shredded through his school shirt as it sprouted from his arms and spine; the same blue erupting from his bare feet and thighs as he fell onto all fours and ran like hell was on his heels. Theodore didn't even pause when the front doors to Saint Gregory's came into view; thankfully the school was mercifully empty (owing to the annual fumigation of the science building) as he charged forward, crystallised head bowed like a deer, and smashed through the front doors.

Glass showered around him but Theodore raced onwards, mindless of the injuries he sustained as he caught whiff of his friends and the sound of gunfire. Hurrying on towards the noise, he was met with the sight of Helga and Milton cowering behind an upturned table and a large group of Teachers firing mercilessly on them. Occasionally Helga would reply in kind with her lumen or telekinesis, but for the most part the two teens were stuck there.

"THEO!" Helga cried over the din as the teen spun out of the way of incoming fire. Bullets bounced uselessly off of the loralite encasing him, though a few did manage to chip a few shards off of the tips. "WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!"

"WHAT THE HELL, MAN?!" Milton peered around the blonde to glare at his suddenly blue friend. "DON'T YOU EVER ANSWER YOUR PHONE?!"

"Busy" Theodore growled, his voice layered with Loren's as more loralite spread across his crouched form; now tucked behind a free-standing menu board nearby. A quick glance was towards his two friends showed that they were a little out of sorts, but otherwise unharmed. Helga's floral dress and Milton's old _Star Trek_ tee were rumpled and wore holes upon the hems as if the moths had had a field day with them.

"I DON'T CARE!" Milton retorted.

"THEO—!" Helga cried as the feminine voice of an identification drone announced his arrival in a detached and robotic tone. The same tingly and warm feeling he had first felt when arriving at the camp overcame him.

"Student 2419 detected" The voice intoned as the gunfire paused momentarily, "Status: active. House: Frija, safe to approach"

"2419! COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!" Demanded one of the Teachers, all weapons now trained on his hiding (poor) spot.

"What happened?" Theodore asked, instead turning to his friends.

"They just turned up at Hemmings' party" Milton replied, "Pretended to be a concerned neighbour & told us we to go with them—tried to say it was about Helga's sister, but—"

"—But I don't have a sister" Helga ended. "So we ran for it, made it to the Dover street before they were on us again—it wasn't hard to figure out what they wanted"

"Which you still haven't told me, by the way!"

"You haven't seen Teachers before?" Theodore puzzled, ignoring Milton's question.

"Teachers?" Helga furrowed her brow in questions, "Like the professors?"

"No" Theodore shook his head as the soldiers grew steadily impatient. "They're enforcers for the _Ragnor-Ra Centres._ They _always_ hunt in packs—send the Teachers in first, then the Deans clean up the rest"

"So if these humans are the Teachers, does that mean…?" Helga paled at the revelation, her brain going a mile a minute as she connected the dots. Loric she may be, but even she knew what the centres really entailed.

"Yeah, the Mogs are probably waiting outside" He nodded grimly.

"So, what do we do?" She panicked, eyes searching his partially crystallised face.

"There's the tunnel out of the locker rooms" Milton interjected, "It leads out on to the field"

"2419! COME OUT OR WE WILL FIRE!" The call came again.

"Get to the tunnel" Theodore growled towards the pair huddled behind the table; the sound coming from somewhere low in his throat. Helga gave him a shaky nod as he emerged from his hiding place and stood in the middle of the room with his friends to his back and the soldiers in front of him.

"Whatever you say, buddy" Milton squeaked as he watched his best friend disappear beneath layers of sparkling blue crystal before he was dragged away by the terrified blonde beside him.

"ON THE GROUND! NOW!" With a pause in the assault, he was now able to see that there were more than just the soldiers gathered on the cafeteria floor; in fact several lined the mezzanine walkway above them as well.

Instead of verbally replying, Theodore pulled back his lips into an animalistic snarl and bared blunt fangs at the heavily dressed men as Loren took hold. Refusing to bow to his tormentors, they proceeded to escalate the situation.

"MASKS!"

"COPY!"

"LOREN NEUE VERNER! LOREN TIVAR!" Loren decreed.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?!" Some shouted from the back of the dimly lit room and the pounding of his friends footsteps echoed down the hall, away from the inevitable carnage as Theodore relinquished control.

* * *

Pure bloodlust roiled within Loren as he sneered down at the human soldiers before him; the scent of their fear smelling sweet to him and served to drive him forward even as their bullets proved ineffective. It had been a long time since Loren had had use of this body—eight years in fact—when he had last faced off against these creatures. He had been younger then—they both had—but he was stronger now, and they smelled _oh so_ delicious!

A clawed hand shot out to grab the object thrown his way— _"Tear gas! Watch out!"_ —crushing it between his hardened claws as it hissed out gas that would have hurt his host, but left no dent on him. The opaque gas filled the air, accompanied by the rain of bullets as the soldiers backed away. "HE'S NOT GOING DOWN!" Someone cried, the panic clear in their voice. Snapping out with hungry teeth, Loren easily snatched the second canister from the air and again, crushed it into oblivion.

"HOLD YOUR FIRE!" There was a pause as the smoke settled around them before the humans moved to attack again. "FLARES!"

The next few moments passed in a blur of flashing flares, snapped bones and broken wails as Loren moved. He easily took out human after human with a flick of his wrist or the crunch of his powerful jaws. Some were flung like rag dolls into the rafters above them, others over empty tables and more were suffocated by the loralite he generated or eaten like the delicious little snacks they were. He moved like a shadow in the night, revelling in the freedom to do as he pleased without the restraints that Theodore usually placed on them. Here and now, when the two shared the same goal to protect and avenge, there was no barriers or rules to be had. It was the most fun he'd had in ages.

"HOLD!" Came the cry. All attacks paused and Loren felt triumph course through him. That was until the familiar feeling of electricity echoing from the base of his host's neck caused him to roar in pain. Shards of loralite broke off of his form and shattered into ash at his feet as the smell of burning flesh reached him.

"FIRE!" The onslaught of bullets returned stronger than ever, even as Loren roared and struggled against the pain radiating from his neck. Clawed hands scratched uselessly at the source of his pain, and his anger grew tenfold.

Unable to remove the chip from his neck, Loren pushed through the pain and instead turned on the soldiers once more. Red hot anger fuelled by pain enveloped his vision as any sense of morality disappeared and he tore through the humans like they were made of paper. His pained roars turned to threatening growls and the taste of blood lingered on his jagged lips as more and more fell to his might. Loren massacred the humans until nothing was left, until not even their bones could be used as toothpicks.

When he deemed himself full, Loren let his loralite body fall away once more until he was nothing more than the voice inside his host's head; until they were two souls in the one body, just as they had always been. A shared fogginess faded between the two as Theodore returned to gain control of their fleshy body once more.

The remains of the soldiers merged with the ashy remnants of loralite and squished between the boy's toes as he tried to remember where he was and what was going on. "Eurgh!" Theodore moaned as he shook away the fogginess associated with the full shift and glanced around at the broken bodies at their feet. He then began to furiously scrub his tongue against his bare arm (the rest of his shirt now lay in shreds off to the side somewhere, alongside his [under]pants) as if he were trying to remove the taste from his tongue. "They're in my mouth!"


	20. Garde Grit

_"This is Vanya Hargreeves, please leave a message & I'll get back to as soon as I can"_

**_BEEP_ **

_"Hey Miss H! It's Milton, is Theo there? We're at scho—AHHHH! NO! YOU ELVEN FUCK! HELGA! HELP! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! HELGA—!"_

* * *

_Never let it be said that these death elves—"Mogadorians!"— sit around on their arses._ Milton thought as his feet pounded against the linoleum school floor behind Helga. The last few minutes had completely flipped his world on its head, not only was Helga an alien, but Theodore— _"I'm human, you dumbass!"—_ was some kind of weird hybrid of the two—he was like something out of _X-Men;_ which y'know is cool on paper, but in real life? Not so much. Because where there was good aliens, there was also bad aliens—and these ones? Bad, _very_ bad!

Milton panted harshly as sweat beaded on his brow and fogged up his glasses, making it harder to see. At some point, Helga had thrust an alien-looking gun into his hands, muttering something about protection, and it was only through years of video gaming that led him to actually figure out how it worked.

**_ROOOOAAAAR!_ **

He couldn't help the guilt that welled up inside him at the fact that they had abandoned Theodore in their escape attempt; it gnawed at his insides like a rabid wolf and pulled at his thoughts like one of Miss Clearwater's brain teasers. _But if that roar is anything to go by…_ His brain supplied, playing Devil's advocate. _Theo can get himself out anything!_ His mind reasoned, _And anyway, he was made of blue crystal! The bullets just bounced right off of hm! He'll be fine!_

**_RAAAAAAH!_ **

The following cry was full of pain and served to shatter his earlier thoughts; especially when Helga spared a concerned look over her shoulder at the noise, her brows furrowed and lips pursed. A small seed of jealously wormed its way into his heart when he noticed she wasn't even sweating, but he quickly felt bad when he realised she hadn't been surprised at the turn of events, likely expecting this would happen or having done so before. Racing down the dimly lit tunnel between the gender-specified locker rooms the end soon came in sight; it was almost too good to be true that the pair hadn't encountered anyone else in their escape attempt. Famous last words.

"Helga—! Look—" Milton gasped as the pair rounded a corner, just in time for the leading blonde to crash straight into the person emerging from the shadows that encompassed the passageway to the right. "—Out"

"Ack!" Helga cried as the pair went down; she quickly pushed herself off the small woman, crouching low like a tiger ready to pounce. Immediately putting on the breaks and pointing the alien firearm at the pair pinned to the floor, the blonde boy remained tense until the new person was revealed. Confusion followed soon after.

"Miss H?" Milton furrowed his brows in confusion as he lowered the gun. "What are you doing here?"

"You shouldn't be here" Helga narrowed her eyes, likely concerned that she was in league with elvish monsters and the soldiers back in the cafeteria.

 _"You_ called _me,_ remember?" Vanya replied as she eyed the gun in his hands, brushing herself off as both girls rose to their feet. "Is something the matter? What's going on? Where's Teddy?"

"Uh…" Milton blinked, tightening his grip on the alien firearm in his hands as Helga turned her narrowed gaze to their friend's mother. Whatever she had been looking for, she didn't seem to have found because no sooner had she finished inspecting the timid woman, did she shake her head in dismissal and motion for them to continue on. That was until another figure emerged from the shadows, this one much taller than Vanya.

"HALT!" The guttural voice and matching firearm in their hands was the first clue that this was not one of their allies; of course that wasn't what caused Milton to fire. If he was totally honest, it had been completely on instinct from years of playing _Call of Duty,_ that led him to pull the trigger.

"Holy shit!" Milton exclaimed, quickly slinging the barrel towards the new person and squeezing the trigger. Piercing through the opening between the two women, the red laser-like bullet hit its mark with deadly accuracy and turned the alien to blackened ash.

 _Whelp, that's gonna give me nightmares…That better not have been Theo!_ He mused as both Vanya & Helga turned to him with wide eyes—one full of surprise, the other in shock. "I play a lot of video games" He admitted with a shrug, still not quite comprehending what had just happened.

"Huh" Helga blinked.

"Y'know that wasn't me, right?" Not two seconds later, Theodore emerged from the same set of shadows and out into the dimly lit hallway, causing the bespectacled teen's shoulders to slump in relief. _Oh thank God!_ It was only when he stood highlighted by the field's spotlights that Milton saw that his friend appeared to be wearing a pair of red and white the striped lycra pants he remembered members of the drama club wearing during their presentation at the beginning of the year.

It was odd seeing his friend without his usual assortment of accessories. Gone was the leather cuff from around his wrist, which allowed Milton to glimpse four little numbers tattooed there. Gone was the dirty undershirt that usually hung off his frame, giving everyone a full view of the (odd) scarring on his back and arms. Theodore was usually a quiet and withdrawn fellow, and right now, Milton couldn't help but feel like he didn't know this person.

"Did you seriously stop for a wardrobe change?" Milton joked, coming forward to wrap his best friend in a hug as he tried to hide what he was really thinking. Even if he didn't know _this_ Theodore, he was still his friend, and he'd be damned if all those years of friendship were thrown away. He tried not to think about the feeling of the scars beneath his fingers.

"Would you prefer if I was running around buck naked?" Theodore fired back as he returned the hug; melting slightly into the embrace.

"I'm sure Helga wouldn't mind"

"Dude!" Parting from the hug, both boys were soon encompassed by the worrying arms of Vanya Hargreeves as she inspected them for any injuries. "Mama?" Theodore asked she turned his head this way and that, "What are you doing here?"

"Eh…that might be my fault" Milton replied bashfully before the woman could reply.

"What?"

"You wouldn't answer your phone!"

"So you called home"

"Yep"

"Alright" Helga clapped her hands, garnering their attention. "This is all well and good, but we've still gotta get outta here"

"Right" Theodore nodded, stepping out of his mother's grasp and turning to his fellow alien. "Let's go"

* * *

Racing side-by-side with Helga, they Loric-Human Garde led the way to their freedom, intent on making it out before the Mogadorians found them. Worry and fear flooded through Theodore as they ran, not just for the Garde children (Loric & Human alike) but for his mother and Milton as well. He had no idea what to do, let alone what would happen to them all, for now they just had to roll with the punches. No sooner had the odd quartet burst out onto the field, were they met with rapid gunfire. The first volley appeared to be warning shots as they tore up the grassy ground at their feet, they wouldn't be so lucky with the rest.

"SHIT!" Helga slung an arm out towards Mama's face just in time to telekinetically direct a bullet away from her face and towards the ground off to the side.

"GET BACK TO THE TUNNEL!" Theodore threw over his shoulder to an ashen-faced Milton as the trio of Mogadorians in front of them continued their assault.

"GOT IT!" Milton replied as he raced back towards the school, grabbing Mama's wrist as he did so. Although Theodore could see the unbridled worry written across her features as they fled, he knew that whatever today's outcome was, things would never be the same as before.

With the two humans safely at their back, the two Garde members began their counter-attack. As loralite sprouted from his flesh once more, Helga plucked a loralite gun seemingly from thin air and fired on the Mogs with hellish accuracy. The Mogadorians fired on them mercilessly as they approached; a swipe of Helga's free hand sent one of them flying towards a tree lining the back fence where the sound of breaking bones and squelching flesh echoed through the dark night. One down, two to go. Theodore pounced on the next Mogadorian with blue claws and crystallised fangs as he tore through their jugular with his blunt teeth like a starving animal. Instantaneously, ash landed on his tongue and blood dripped down his lips as the alien met the touch of loralite and died. Two down, one to go.

The last Mogadorian appeared to be the one to watch out for. He was dressed in black—as all Mogs were—with elvish features defined by tribal tattoos and fish-like gills. The only pop of colour was the _Ragnor-Ra Rehab Centre_ patch that was stitched to the shoulder of his leather jacket. Dressed to the nines in bandoliers of pulsing red ammunition lining his chest and the hilts of two loralite daggers poking out from the holsters strapped to his thighs. There was this air of danger about him, and it set Theodore on edge.

 _"CHIMAERA!"_ Loren suddenly yelled in his head so loud that it made Theodore flinch. It was only through years of long-forgotten muscle memory and loralite-assisted control that let the teen duck out of the way of the oncoming attack. Theodore sucked in hissed a breath through his teeth as loralite encased his body once more, this time allowing Loren to fuel his animalistic rage and cloud his mind from its usual judgement. Encased in as much loralite as he could manage, Theodore was now about the size of a tractor; certainly smaller than the chimaera but still large enough to take it on without dying from a single hit.

Theodore's brain went blank as the next few moments passed in a blur of flaying limbs and gnashing teeth. The air filled with animalistic yowls, howls and roars as they fought with punches, scratches and chomps that were dished out on either side. Neither side gave the other enough ground to push back; no openings, no mercy. This was life or death and on some basic instinctual level they both knew it. It was only through a lucky break that allowed Theodore to fling the chimaera off of his and towards the free-standing fold-away bleachers on the side of the field. Painful yowls escaped from the chimaera as Theodore struck while it was down; latching his crystallised jaw around the creature's throat, digging in as deep as he could go before shaking his head from side to side, quite literally shaking the life out of it.

Much like the Mogadorians, the chimaera burst into blackened ash which stained his mouth and it was then—and only then—that he dropped the creature from his mouth, triumph and pride surged through the Loren-Theodore hybrid as they gagged at the amount of ash on his tongue from their latest kill. Triumph that soon disappeared however, when he spared a glance towards Helga to see how she was faring. With adrenaline (and loralite) still pumping through his system, Theodore pounced again, this time wrenching the blonde out of the alien's grip.

As the two flew back and away from the Mogadorian, Helga sent a shot of lumen towards the creature with a fierce yell on her lips. In turn, as fierce heat beat against their backs from the explosion of ammunition layered over the Mog, Theodore—blue & crystallised—wrapped Helga in a hug, praying that the loralite would be enough to shelter them from the shockwave. It was all Theodore could do to protect them against the powerful explosion that rocked the school and turned everything around them to smelting blackened ash.


	21. Broken Bonds

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Helga asked, brows furrowed in concern. The small cut above her brow had already healed over, leaving a freshly thin scar highlighted in pink flesh. Not that he had fared any better; it was only due to their enhanced healing that they had sustained minimal damage. Other than that, colourful & cartoonic band-aids and small paper cut-like scratches littered the two Garde, making the two look like they taken on a group of particularly angry cats.

"I have to— _we_ have to" Theodore murmured, his eyes misty with unshed tears as he spared a glance towards the two humans who lay unconscious on the couch and camp bed respectively, of his apartment some time later. Thankfully both his mother and Milton were physically unharmed from the incident at the academy with the _Ragnor-Ra_ staff, but he couldn't say that same for their mental states. As much as it pained him to do so, it would be better for the both of them if they didn't remember; not the alien hunt, nor their near deaths or even them.

"Alright" Helga nodded, her eyes clouding over in sad understanding that only another Garde member would understand. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah" Theodore nodded demurely, sparing a glance over his shoulder to the packed rucksack by the door.

Following the escape from the burning school and bloody bodies littering the linoleum floor, the quartet had missed the arriving police by the skin of their teeth. Theodore had been on edge the entire way back to their apartment, even as his mother and Milton had fired endless questions at the two. It was only upon Helga's interference that the two had finally stopped talking (she'd manipulated their brainwaves with certain accuracy that essentially told their bodies to go to sleep, knocking them out) and in the moment of silence the two broke down—one manically planning their escape, whilst the other silently wept in the corner of the kitchen.

Theodore knew that he had to go, had to leave, that he probably should've left years ago, but just couldn't bring himself to do it. Now, when the _Ragnor-Ra_ staff had been in town (how had he missed them before?) he knew it was time to go, before they showed up on their doorstep. But that didn't make things any easier. Tears continued to flow even as he stripped the apartment of any trace of him. The simpering fireplace had swallowed pages and pages of school books, childish drawings and photos. He had to make sure that nothing remained, no photos, no awards, no stories, not even fingerprints remained. Just blank white walls.

"Let's do this" Theodore heaved a great shuddering sigh as he sat in between the two bodies in the living room. For once, Loren was mercifully silent.

"Okay…" Helga sat across from him, next to Mama—Vanya & Milton's heads, her hands splayed over their foreheads and illuminated in lumen. Theodore could only watch on in trepidation as they both jerked, their bodies arching from their respective resting places as the light entered their bodies and travelled through their veins like lightning beneath the skin.

Theodore would be the first to admit that he didn't quite understand how Helga's Legacy allowed her to manipulate a person's brainwaves, but from what he could understand from the medical jargon the blonde had used in her explanation, it was similar to hypnosis suggested things to a pliable mind or how a telepath could tell manipulate another's mind at will. The only difference was, Helga had to touch the person in order to manipulate the natural electrical current running through a person's body.

"They're ready" Helga murmured quietly, the sweat already beading on her brow as she closed her eyes in concentration. Theodore sucked in a hissed breath as both pairs of eyelids on his mother and friend flew open to reveal the whites of their eyes from where they remained rolled back into their heads, lumen dancing over them. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold their hands, but knew that if he did so could endanger them further. The circuit was big enough as it was, and there was no telling how Helga would feel with an extra person added to it.

"I know how hard it was for you when you lost Uncle Ben" Theodore started, his voice thick with emotion. "But…but what I'm about to do it has to happen, it has to happen for your own good"

"Theo—!" Helga warned as both occupants tensed int heir sleep.

"Just relax, just _listen"_ Theodore shifted from English to Loric on a dime, his tone changing as Loren layered over it and helped to push the message into their brains as both became still once more _"Helga Brown & Theodore Hargreeves aren't aliens, that's just how you're dealing with your grief" _Theodore swallowed, pushing himself through the painful sorrow lodged deep in his heart, _"There was an accident, but they felt no pain…and in their last moments—in their last moments, they thought about how much they were going to miss you"_ Sparing a glance towards Helga he saw his own painful tears mirrored on her pale cheeks. _"And—and no matter where they end up in their next life, they will never stop thinking about you; they will always love—love you"_ He choked out the last words with great difficulty. _"Helga Brown and Theodore Hargreeves are dead"_

* * *

"Do you think they'll buy it?" Theodore asked as he sat atop the roof of the Umbrella Academy with his packed rucksack at his side and stared out at the nightlife below them. Even this far out, he could see the wailing red and blue lights of the police cars piercing the night as they screeched towards the remains of the burning school.

 _"I dunno, brat"_ Loren replied, unusually quiet for once. It was clear that the events of evening had severely rattled the blue crystal as well. _"There wasn't much left of the academy when we left, so it's not like they can trace it back to us"_

"Yeah, I s'pose" He murmured, his voice still hoarse from the amount of crying he done earlier in the evening. After the two Garde had altered the memories of both humans, Helga had left to clean up her own home while Theodore left to take Milton back to his; sliding him in through his bedroom window and tucked into bed. In turn, his mother— _"It's Vanya now, brat"_ —had met her boyfriend & gone on holiday out of town for the time being. "Loren?" Theodore hedged, his thoughts turning to how the pair of Garde had agreed to meet at the city's limits early the next day before they made their escape.

 _"Mm?"_ Loren hummed.

"How do you say goodbye?"

* * *

Following the frustrating confrontation with Vanya and the resulting snoop around her suspicious boyfriend's house earlier that day, Allison felt that she was quite deserving of the cigarette that now sat snugly between her lips even if Klaus sat tucked at her feet looking for all the world like a kicked puppy as the pair sat on the large windowsill. Klaus had returned to the house at some point earlier in the day sporting a new tattoo, a pair of worn military dog tags and was skinnier than she'd ever seen him.

Of course these observations had gone out the window when he hobbled into the room with Luther carrying Diego in his arms and calling out for help. Five had been nowhere in sight, and Luther had rushed out some kind of rambled explanation involving the masked intruders, a briefcase and an ice cream van. "Those are pretty bad for you, y'know" Klaus muttered, though his eyes remained transfixed by the swirling clouds of smoke that she would blow out of her lips every now and then.

"Well, you would know" Allison retorted, blowing a ring of smoke towards her junkie brother. The little alcove that the two sat in was different than the one she had used as a child, owing to the fact that even in this gigantic house, Pogo had still been able to track her down. So instead, they were tucked away in one of the back windows that overlooked the city's limit as it danced in beneath the twinkling lights of the city.

"Hey! I've been sober!" Klaus retorted.

"For what? An hour?" She raised a brow at him, unconvinced that the pale parlour and shaking hands were due to him _really_ going sober.

"I've been sober for an entire day, thank you very much!" He replied indignantly, arms crossed like a child as he continued to paint her toe nails in horrendously clashing colours.

"Uh huh" Allison hummed, tapping her joint against the window ledge as she closed her eyes against the cool breeze that wafted in through the open window.

Comfortable silence fell between the two as they fell into their own little worlds with only the gentle ministrations of miniature paint brush against nail to ground them. It continued on like this for a while as Allison's mind turned blank, and the sound of her nephew's emotional singing floated in from the somewhere up on the roof above them.

" _Na na na heyana  
_ _Hahiyaha naha  
_ _Naheya heya na yanuwa  
_ _Anhahe yunuwana  
_ _Na na na heyana  
_ _Hahiyaha naha  
_ _Naheya heya na yanuwa  
_ _Anhahe yunuwana_ ** _"_**

"Is he still up there?" Klaus asked, dragging Allison's attention back to him.

"Mm" She hummed, quirking her lips at the little rainbow flowers he appeared to be painting on her toes. "Pogo said he seemed pretty upset about something when he turned up"

"Did he say why?"

"No, he just said that Theo looked like you did after you broke your jaw in Mom's heels"

"Oh yeah! I remember that!" Klaus chuckled as his hands roved over the various nail polish bottles on the sill next to him. "I swear you walked around in those bloody dagger heels just to piss me off!"

"That was just an added bonus"

" _Na na na heyana  
_ _Hahiyaha naha  
_ _Naheya heya na yanuwa  
_ _Anhahe yunuwana  
_ _Na na na heyana  
_ _Hahiyaha naha  
_ _Naheya heya na yanuwa  
_ _Anhahe yunuwana (ha ha ya)"_

"Well, blood or not, he's definitely Vanny's son" Klaus returned to the conversation at hand.

"Oh?" Allison quirked a brow in question.

"I don't know what language that is, but it makes me want to cry!"

"Yeah, you could always tell when Vanya was upset 'cause her music was the same. Remember when Five lost his teddy bear in a jump and she played that song from _Schindler's List_ when they had that mini funeral?"

"I thought it was the one from _Phantom of the Opera_?"

_"Nuwa nu  
_ _Nuwa heya nu  
_ _Nuwa nu  
_ _Nuwa heya nu  
_ _Nuwa nu  
_ _Nuwa nu  
_ _Na na na heyana  
_ _Hahiyaha naha  
_ _Naheya heya na yanuwa  
_ _Anhahe yunuwana"_

"It was sad, whatever it was" Allison dismissed.

"And funny" Klaus replied, dabbing the excess paint off her toes. "Didn't they do like a viking funeral for it?"

"Yeah, Dad was more annoyed they'd wasted the old shoebox than the fact that they had a viking funeral in the bathtub for a missing teddy bear"

"Heh, well, we've never really been normal, have we?"

"No, I s'pose not…"


	22. Three Days 'til Doomsday

**_29 March 2019_ **

Early the next morning, Theodore found himself dressed in jeans, plaid and his signature hoodie with his dirty sports sneakers peeking out from beneath the denim as he sheltered deep inside the bowels of the Umbrella Academy's pantry. He had repacked his rucksack last night, leaving a lot of the memorabilia pertaining to his life with Ma—Vanya he couldn't find in himself to burn, hidden nestled between the strings of the grand piano. Instead, the tweed pockets had been with at least five days worth of non-perishables (as instructed), a spare change of clothes, wallet, phone and a small first-aid kit. There was a mini sewing kit hidden in one of the pockets that he had never removed, the lock from his locker and a couple of gold-inlaid trinkets from his grandfather that he figured would fetch a good price at some point.

Theodore would have preferred to spend the rest of his time in the large house hidden away from his aunt and uncles, but alas, this was not to be. The sound of heavy footsteps approaching his hideaway echoed throughout the bunker kitchen and came to a stop in front of the mouth of the pantry, undoubtedly due to the rustling of plastic.

Knowing that it would likely be his last proper meal but still wanting to keep up appearances, Theodore plucked a random box of cereal— _"Milo! Yes!"—_ from the back of the shelf and walked out to find Uncle Luther standing there. "Uncle?" Theodore puzzled, internally panicking as he fetched the milk and utensils for breakfast.

"Oh good, there you are" Uncle Luther murmured, "We need to talk; you, me and the others, so meet me in the living room"

"Okay…" Theodore replied, silently cursing his luck.

"Like now!"

"Alright! Alright! Jesus! I'm coming!"

"Yeah, well so is the Apocalypse" Uncle Luther ended before storming out the door and disappearing off somewhere else.

"…Come again?" Theodore blinked dumbly, not quite processing what he'd just said.

* * *

Seated cross-legged atop the bar in the living room, Theodore sat contentedly spooning chocolate-flavoured cereal into his mouth as he watched each of his extended family (sans Uncle Five) trickle into the room. Roving his gaze over each of them, he found only a few changes had been made over the last couple of days and he tried to imprint them into his mind before he left forever. Auntie Allison and Uncle Luther appeared to be the only two who remained unchanged in both posture and attitude, the most obvious differences appeared to lay in both Uncles Diego and Klaus.

Where Uncle Klaus—now pale & shaky—had worn more feminine clothes before; he now wore a rainbow-coloured tie-dye crop top that barely reached his belly button and a pair of leather-tight lace-up pants. Over top of that a green military-style vest covered his shoulders and framed an army tattoo engraved on his shoulder. Then there was Uncle Diego; his demeanour was much more withdrawn and less patronising than when he first met him, plus the sling encasing his left arm seemed to suggest some sort of physical altercation that hadn't ended well for him.

"Three days?" Auntie Allison repeated incredulously for the umpteenth time since they'd gathered in the living room for said family meeting, as Theodore turned down the volume on the news station blaring from the small box TV in front of him whilst Auntie handed out piping hot coffees to his uncles. He was still stuck on the fact that his birthday was the end of the world.

"That's what Five said" Uncle Luther replied, accepting the hot coffee as he perched precariously on one of the barstools.

"The old bastard did mention the Apocalypse, come to think of it" Uncle Klaus added as he took his coffee and curled up on the floor. "He just left out the part about how soon"

"Look, can we trust him?" Auntie questioned, leaning against the bar as Uncle Diego sat on the couch across from Uncle Klaus. "I mean, I dunno if you've noticed, but Five's a little cuckoo" She whistled, motioning how crazy she thought he was.

"Our little psycho!" Uncle Klaus cooed.

"He _was_ pretty convincing" Uncle Luther cut in, "And if he wasn't trying to stop the Apocalypse from happening, those two lunatics wouldn't be chasing him"

"What two lunatics?" Theodore interjected around a spoonful of cereal as he tore his eyes away from the headlines streaming across the screen in front of him.

"The two masked intruders that shot up the house?" Uncle Klaus replied, though it sounded more like a question than an answer. "Y'know the ones that took me hostage? They were looking for Five"

"Masks? Like ones from a carnival or a kids' show?" Theodore scrunched his face up in confusion as a thought occurred to him. "Wait—You were taken hostage? When?"

"Doesn't matter" Uncle Diego spoke over Uncle Klaus as Uncle Luther replied.

"Yeah…" Uncle Luther drew out the word as he eyed his nephew. "Why?"

" 'Cause I saw a pink dog and blue bear—or was it chipmunk? I dunno" Theodore puzzled for a moment before shaking his head, "Anyway, they were at _Meritech_ when it blew up"

"Are you sure?"

"What?"

"How did they not see you? They didn't attack you, did they?" Came the chorused responses.

"Well, they _were_ high as hell—" Theodore replied.

"—You're welcome!" Uncle Klaus sang half-heartedly, swaying to the side.

"—And talking to a poster on the wall, so…"

"Why didn't you tell the police?" Uncle Diego pursued.

"I did—I told that chick, uh, Eu—something"

"Eudora"

"Yeah, her—she didn't seem to believe me"

"Tch"

"Right" Auntie Allison turned to Uncle Luther as the others (particularly Uncle Diego) seemed to soak up the information provided by their nephew. "Luther, what _did_ Five see?"

"Um… _apparently,_ we all fought together against whoever was responsible…" Uncle Luther bumbled. "Okay! So! Here's the plan!" He jumped to his feet, pacing as he talked. "We got though Dad's—"

"—Wait! What?"

"Hold on!"

"Come again?"

"Wait a tic! Wait a tic! Wait a tic!" Uncle Klaus interjected, his voice cancelling out the others' confused comments as they all pinned Uncle Luther with a stare. "What _actually_ happened the first time around?"

"Yeah" Uncle Diego added, "What are you not telling us? C'me on, big boy, spit it out"

"…Uh…wedied" Uncle Luther mumbled before gulping down a large mouthful of coffee that made him wince at the heat of it.

"What was that?" Auntie Allison called out, using a tone that Theodore was very much familiar with.

"Ahem! I said…we died" Uncle Luther repeated louder. The answer seemed to knock everyone cold as jaws clicked shut and eyes blew wide.

"…Like proper dead or just kinda dead?" Theodore asked hopefully as the others kinda just sat there.

"What's the difference?" Uncle Luther puzzled.

"I dunno…just…y'know" Theodore shrugged, unable to really translate what he was trying to say. Despite his poor choice of words, they seemed to get the ball rolling as a torrent of questions quickly flew from his aunt & uncles' mouths which they fired towards a floundering Uncle Luther. Theodore preferred to polish off the rest of the cereal box as his uncle drowned in questions, though he too, was curious.

"—No, we need to figure this out!" Uncle Diego remarked as they gathered around the countertop, talking over one another.

"Is it just us?" Auntie questioned.

"Yes—it's everybody" Uncle Luther replied, trying to answer everyone question at once.

"Like in the house?" Uncle Diego continued.

"No, outside the house"

"The _whole planet?!"_ Auntie cried.

 _"Everyone_ died"

"Like _everyone,_ everyone?"

 _"Moon's looking pretty good now isn't it?"_ Loren commented sarcastically as they continued to bicker.

 _Too bad we don't have a spaceship._ Theodore replied sassily, turning his attention back to the TV.

 _"Look—!"_ Uncle Luther cut-in over everyone else, his loud voice taking on a leader-like tone as he commanded his band of family members. "We _need_ to figure out what cause the Apocalypse. Now there are loads of possibilities: nuclear war, asteroids—but I'm thinking this is about the moon, right? Dad must've sent me up there for a reason, and I was giving him daily updates on the conditions, I sent field samples…" Theodore happened to spare a glance over to his uncles Klaus & Diego just in time to see the pair share an eye roll. Clearly the pair of them were just as sick and tired of hearing about the moon as he was. "So, I was thinking—"

"—Whoa! Hold the phone! Hold the phone!" Uncle Klaus mercifully interrupted before Uncle Luther could ramble on any longer. "We all died fighting this thing the first time around, remember?"

"Klaus shockingly has a point" Uncle Diego agreed, fiddling with a dagger behind the bar in front of him. "What gives us a win this time?"

"Five" Uncle Luther stated as if it were obvious. "Last time we didn't have him, but this time we're all together—we'll have the full force of the Hargreeves family. That's what we need"

"So where's Five now? Or Vanya for that matter?" Auntie Allison sighed.

"Uh…Five had a plan to change the timeline, so he'll be back soon" Uncle Luther replied.

"And Vanya?"

"She's ' _honeymooning'_ with her boyfriend" Theodore replied, practically spitting out the sentence in disgust.

"She's married?!" Auntie turned on him incredulously.

"What? _No!"_ Theodore turned his attention from the TV to his aunt. "They're just all mushy and stuff, like those couples in rom-coms"

"What's wrong with rom-coms?" She asked indignantly as Uncle Klaus watched on amusedly.

 _"Oh,_ don't get me started!" Theodore rolled his eyes. "They're all about this female protagonist who's either given up on love or looking for it—" He batted his eyelashes dramatically, "—And they somehow come across their 'soul mate' in some cringy meet-cute cliché, leading the protagonist to obsess over said person for the next hour. Before someone inevitably gets hurt, sick, moves or dies and they learn that their 'soul mates' have been there all along, as either the best friend, neighbour or ex and they live happily ever after. Blergh!"

"Well, _I_ like those movies!" Uncle Luther piped up, no doubt aware that Auntie Allison got her start (as most women do) in rom-coms.

"Yeah, you would" Theodore scoffed, averting his eyes as he spooned more cereal into his mouth.

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

"Well, _I'm_ going after Hazel & Cha-Cha" Uncle Diego piped up, redirecting them back to the topic at hand as he wove around the bar and towards the door with determined steps.

"What? Right now?" Uncle Luther queried.

"Hell yeah—three days & I'm loosing light by the minute"

"Wait! Diego! Look, I know you wanna avenge your friend, but we gotta—"

"—She wasn't _just_ some friend, Luther! If I'm gonna die, I need to know I killed those bastards first! Stop making it about you!" With that Uncle Diego spun on his heel and strode out the door.

"Which reminds me" Auntie Allison chose that segway to turn to her nephew still seated atop the bar as Uncle Luther grilled Uncle Klaus.

"Hm?" Theodore hummed around his spoon as he double-checked that his rucksack was still on the floor below him.

"Why aren't you at school?"

Instead of verbally answering, Theodore simply dragged the small TV around to face her and turned the volume up. _"…As you can see behind me, massive damage has been done to Saint Gregory's Academy. Police suspect there is a link between the shootings at Griddy's Donuts & Gimble Brothers' Thrift Store that occurred earlier in the week…" _Droned the primply-dressed reporter.

"Holy shit…" Auntie breathed, watching the small box in horrified awe as Theodore hopped down from the counter and slung his rucksack over his shoulder, intent on making it out of the building without complaint.

"Then where are you going?" Uncle Luther asked, apparently having turned to watch the destruction being broadcasted over their shoulders.

"Well, _apparently_ my birthday's gonna go up in smoke, so I'd like to celebrate it before I die" Theodore lied, waving over his shoulder as he left. He couldn't scrub his uncle's disappointed expression from his mind, no matter how hard he tried.


	23. Goodbye

"What took you so long?" Helga asked, crossing her arms and tapping her foot impatiently as Theodore hurried to meet her at the bus station. "We nearly missed our bus!"

"Sorry, my uncle wanted to have 'family breakfast time!' " Theodore lied, "Wouldn't stop going on about the moon"

"Should we have wiped him too?" She shifted nervously as the _Greyhound_ bus to Dallas finally unloaded its previous passengers.

"No, no" Theodore shook his head, "He barely knows me—he'll forget about the whole thing soon enough"

"If you're sure" She narrowed her eyes at him, before climbing the steps and handing both bus tickets to the driver.

"I am" He reassured her, climbing the narrow steps and up onto the bus after her. The two flopped into a pair of seats at the back of the bus and waited for their escape to begin.

* * *

About an hour into the bus ride, Helga was pulled from her mindless musings of the blurring scenery when a weight fell against her shoulder. Sparing a glance to the left, she found Theodore passed out, fast asleep with his eyelashes fluttering gently against freckled cheeks. Soft snores fell from his lips as he hugged her left arm like a teddy bear; all of the stress and tension gone from his expression.

While Theodore slept, Helga found her thoughts turning towards their first meeting back at the beginning of the week; back when he had been nothing but a stuttering pile of blushing teen and shy glances. Her lips quirked as she remembered how he had acted during their first lunch date—oh he had been so sweet, but he was so shy that Helga often wondered if he'd ever said 'boo' to a goose.

Of course, then Milton had gone and stupidly broken his hand, leading to the two Garde members walking alone along the train tracks and eventually learning that the other possessed abilities far beyond the norm. She had been quite surprised to say the least, especially when he insisted that he was _human_ and not Loric. Of course, she had known about the facade the Mogadorian centres put on for the world, but she hadn't really known to what extent.

Hearing Theodore's tale—however brief—had pulled at her heartstrings and she had silently vowed to protect him, that day in the scrapyard. Of course, then he had to go and play chivalrous knight and scare away the chimaera hunting them, and once again turning her impression of him on his head. He was like a wolf in sheep's clothing, and it was something she secretly took great pride and comfort in, knowing this.

Then recently, when the Mogs had boldly shown up at the party and chased them all the way to school, Theodore had come and protected her _again._ It's not that she couldn't protect herself and it wasn't that he didn't think she couldn't, but Helga suspected—having seen his Legacy in action & the reputations of the Frija House—that it was likely something more instinctual that told him to do so. It wasn't that he thought she was weak, it was the beast inside telling him to protect and guard his precious things. It was why it had been so heartbreaking to watch him inform both his mother & Milton that they were dead.

Logically she knew the outcome for both parties would be devastating, they always were when a child died. But at least with a real death there was a body for the family to bury or burn; something they couldn't do in this case. _But…_ She heaved a sigh, watching a tear roll down his cheek. _It's for the best. The Mogs would've torn them apart if we hadn't._

Moving her attention away from the teary brunette sleeping on her shoulder, cast her gaze across the other passengers of the bus. Unsurprisingly, the bus was rather empty owing to the school year (both primary, secondary & tertiary) still in full swing; which allowed the few occupants to spread out some. Up the front sat a pair of rather chatty women who's Southern accent twanged in her ear, even this far back. Next there was the shabbily-dressed alcoholic who lay curled around his pitifully-concealed bottle with a pink crazy straw stuck firmly between his teeth as he slurped up the hidden contents.

A few university graduates—sporting brightly-coloured alumni hoodies and t-shirts—were clustered together playing several rounds of Presidents and Assholes, Poker & Black Jack as they used jelly beans to bet with. And finally, the driver at the front of the bus had appeared dog-gone tired when the two had bordered—it was highly likely that the middle-aged man was sick to death of his dead-end job and all that it entailed.

All-in-all Helga had little to despair about—the seats were cushioned (probably not clean, but she wasn't thinking about that) & the air conditioning above their heads run at full blast, blowing cold air down on them. Although the odd musty smell enveloping the interior clouded just above their heads in a thick fog and Helga found herself burying her nose in the woollen scarf she wore to hide from it. Turning back to the scenery blurring by her window, she let her mind wander to less important things.

* * *

Having slept through the first rest stop, Theodore and Helga disembarked on the second to stretch, go to the toilet and find some food while the bus driver refuelled. While Helga pursued the small corner store in the back-of-nowhere town, Theodore sat himself on a free picnic table and let his mind wander.

So much had happened over the last couple of days; his grandfather had died, he had met his extended family for the first time, he'd gone on a date with a pretty girl for the first time, he'd started his work studies under a _very_ pretentious man. His mother had started dating again, he'd escaped from a fiery building & had a nightmare that sent his uncles skyward, he'd encountered the Mogadorians hunting them for a second time, inevitably blowing up the local high school and learnt that Doomsday would incur on his seventeenth birthday. _"It's like a bad soap opera"_ Loren laughed at him.

"Oh yeah, I _love_ finding out that my birthday equals doomsday and three days before the world ends I have to erase myself from my mother's memories and escape cross-country to outrun alien bounty hunters" Theodore replied. "…Y'know when it's said like that, it really does sound like a bad soap opera"

 _"Will they or won't they make it? Tune in next time!"_ Loren mimicked a perky TV presenter.

"Oh haha!" Theodore deadpanned, his eyes tracking the pudgy grad student under the tree across from him as he engulfed the entire foot-long sandwich in one go.

_"Oh lighten up, monkey! You knew this was going to happen eventually!"_

"Yeah, but if the world's gonna end anyway, why bother? Y'know?"

_"You miss 'em?"_

"Of course I do, I dunno, I just wish we'd left on better terms"

_"Well…blondie's gonna be a lil' while if that line is anything to go by…"_

"What are you suggesting, Loren?"

 _"Do I have to spell everything out for you?"_ Theodore could practically see the blue rock roll his eyes, _"Call them, leave a message, something or your moping's gonna drive me insane!"_

"I'm not moping!"

_"Uh huh"_

* * *

_"You've reached the Umbrella Academy. To request a mission please press 1, to request an interview please press 2, to leave a personal message please press 3 and we'll can back to you as soon as possible. Thank You!"_

**_BEEP_ **

_"Uh, hey everyone! It's—It's Theo, just thought I'd call. I'm okay. I uh, I've gone on a spontaneous road trip with some mates for my birthday—I dunno when we'll be back. Er, don't worry about me, we're all good. We'll be outta range for a bit, so you won't be able to reach me…Uh, I guess this is the bit where I say goodbye?…Jesus! Loren! What do I say? How do I say goodbye? I don't want to. God! I hate that word! It's so final, y'know? It's like saying 'Fuck off, you little fucker! Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out!' I'd much rather say see ya later—it's so much gentler, y'know? Like 'yeah, I've gotta go now, but we're still gonna be tight when this shit blows over', but who knows if that'll actually happen…Right, right, back on track! Anyway, I gotta go. I love you all so much, it was great meeting you! See you in the next life, I s'pose! Oh! And if Mama asks, can you tell her I'm sor—WHAT THE HELL?!"_

**_ROOOOOAAAAARRR!_ **

_"Yes, I know it's a chimaera, I can see that! Thank you very much!"_

**_CRASH!_ **

_"Oh c'me on! We're not even to Dallas yet! Oh—! Oh shit! Oh shit! Shit! Shit! SHI—!"_

**_SQULECH!_ **

_"HELGA—! RUN—!"_

**_BEEP_ **

**_BZZZT!_ **

_You're trying to use data and you're either out or you don't have any credit. To keep things moving, either top-up or grab a pack. Reply Y for a $20 1GB DataPk (Valid 1month, renews monthly on bill date unless stopped)._

* * *

And then the clock rewound.


	24. Try Again

**_29 March 2019 (…Again)_ **

"—Whoa! Hold the phone! Hold the phone!" Uncle Klaus mercifully interrupted before Uncle Luther (who bashfully paced as he talked) could ramble on any longer. Sitting atop the bar counter, Theodore contentedly busied himself with the (fifth) bowl of _Milo_ cereal in his hands, well-aware that it was likely to be his last proper meal. "We all died fighting this thing the first time around, remember?"

"Klaus shockingly has a point" Uncle Diego agreed, fiddling with a dagger behind the bar in front of him. "What gives us a win this time?"

**_WHIR! WHOOSH!_ **

"What the—?" Theodore's snapped up at the whirring sound above him. He was only able to glimpse swirls of blue that he'd come to associate with Uncle five and the wide-eyes of said uncle before he was suddenly flat on his back as his head banged noisily against the counter.

"Je—Jesus!" Auntie Allison cursed, jumping back in fright as Uncle Five—briefcase & all—suddenly landed on top of Theodore and sent his bowl of cereal flying from the bar's countertop.

"Ngh!" Theodore wheezed in tandem with his smallest uncle, who now lay atop him with a _very_ heavy briefcase in between them.

"Guys?" Uncle Klaus queried as he rose from the chaise where he had collapsed, "Am I still high or do you see him too?"

"G'off!" Theodore wheezed, his head ringing with the sudden and unexpected impact—not to mention the added weight now pinning him down.

"Five!" Uncle Luther exclaimed as Uncle Five mercifully rolled off of him and stumbled into the waiting arms of his siblings. "Where have you been?"

"Are you all right?!" Auntie worried.

"Irrelevant" Uncle Five dismissed as he rose, snatching the half-empty coffee cup from her hands and downing it like a man starved.

"Theo? You good?" At the same time, Uncle Diego moved towards Theodore as he slowly sat up with a wince.

"Ugh, I think so" Theodore replied, wincing slightly when Uncle Diego gently ran his fingers over the newly formed bump on the back of his head. _"Ooh!_ That's gonna leave a mark!" He jokingly hissed as Uncle Diego handed him a glass of water, but remained close.

"So" Uncle Five turned to face them, the smoke of his ashen blazer & fresh blood clogging Theodore's senses. "The Apocalypse is in three days and the only chance we have to save our world is, well, us"

"The Umbrella Academy" Uncle Luther supplied.

"Yeah, but with _me,_ obviously"

"What am I? Chopped liver?" Theodore muttered as he turned back to face the small box TVnext to him, keeping one eye on the news report and the other on his (possibly) deranged uncle.

"If y'all don't get your sideshow acts together & get over yourselves, we're screwed!" Uncle Five continued.

 _"Well, isn't he just a little ray of sunshine?"_ Loren grumbled, earning a scoff from Theodore. _"How long is this thing s'posed to take anyway? If we don't hurry, Helga'll leave without us!"_

Theodore gripped tighter to the empty glass as his thoughts turned away from the scene playing out in front of him. He knew that Loren was right, if they wanted to get out of town before Mogadorian reinforcements showed up then they would have to go soon. When he had agreed to meet Helga at the edge of the city the night before, he had done so with the compromise that if neither Garde member arrived before the _Greyhound_ bus for Dallas left; then the other would have to assume they weren't able to make and would therefore have to leave without them. It wouldn't do them any good if both of the Garde children were slaughtered in the days before the impending Apocalypse. But doing this meant that Theodore needed to find a time to slip away from his (suddenly) overprotective and overbearing family members—something that was becoming harder as the window of time for their planned escape grew smaller. If he ever wanted to see tomorrow, then he had to go now but how to escape without notice?

"…I've come back with a lead. I know who's responsible for the Apocalypse" Uncle Five triumphantly brandished a small slip of rumpled paper in the air, effectively drawing Theodore's attention back to him as Auntie quickly snatched the slip of paper from his hand. "This is who we have to stop"

"Harold Jenkins?" Auntie read out as both Uncles Luther & Diego crowded around her. A pale Uncle Klaus remained on the chaise, looking very much like he was about to decorate the floor in vomit.

"Who the _hell_ is Harold Jenkins?!" Uncle Diego demanded, reading over Auntie's shoulder.

"I dunno" Uncle Five admitted. "Yet. But I _do_ know that he's responsible for the Apocalypse. _So,_ we have to find him and we have to do it _now"_

"But how is he connected to what's gonna happen?" Uncle Luther pursued.

"I don't know"

"So you just know his name? That's it?" Uncle Diego raised a brow skeptically.

"That's enough!"

"There's probably _dozens_ of Harold Jenkins' in the city"

"Well, then we'd better start looking!"

"I'm sorry—" Auntie interrupted, sounding not-at-all apologetic. "—Am I the only one that's…skeptical here? I mean, _how_ exactly do you know all of this about what's his name?"

 _"Harold Jenkins"_ Uncle Five reiterated as he shifted in discomfort, his hands hovering briefly over his side before returning to the conversation at hand. "Y'know those lunatics in masks who attacked the house?"

"Oh yeah, I think I remember those guys" Uncle Klaus tiredly sassed.

"Yeah the ones that attacked us while you were out getting drunk!" Uncle Diego accused.

"Yeah them" Uncle Five nodded, completely dismissing the latter half of the sentence. "They were sent by the Temps Commission to stop me from coming back and preventing life on Earth"

"Temps _what?"_ Auntie asked.

" _My former employer—_ they monitor all of space and time to make sure that whatever is s'posed to happen, happens. They believe the Apocalypse is coming in _three days,_ so I went to Commission headquarters and intercepted a message for said lunatics: _Protect Harold Jenkins._ So he _must_ be responsible for the Apocalypse"

There was a beat of silence following Uncle Five's explanation before everyone burst into chatter, and a million questions & comments were layered overtop of each other in their attempt to be heard. Uncle Diego went to pour himself a drink, seemingly distraught by the amount of information suddenly dumped on him whilst Uncle Klaus curled up on the chaise, tenderly hugging his waist. Both Uncle Luther & Auntie Allison continued to grill Uncle Five as the muted news broadcast covering the mysterious terrorist attack at Saint Gregory's ended, instead flipping over to some housewife commercial.

While his family was content to grill their resident time-traveller, Theodore turned to the busted briefcase languishing on the counter beside him, his thoughts running through the different possibilities he could achieve with something like this—that is, if what Uncle Five was saying was true. Absentmindedly, he called out to his uncle, the comment combined with his actions being enough to grant the ire of said uncle. "So instead of little blue boxes or busted deloreans you jump about time with briefcases?" Theodore shrugged, "I always liked the theory of quantum entanglement better"

"…What?" Uncle Five—alongside the others—turned to him wearing various expressions of confusion, surprise and shock tinged with amusement.

"I like watching _Doctor Who"_ Theodore excused as he fiddled with the briefcase on the counter next to him. It was one of those old-style briefcases that was bound in black leather. Only this one was splattered with sticky blood and framed in blue glowing bullet holes. It seemed his time-travelling ideas were shot for the time being.

 _"Doctor_ what?" Uncle Five puzzled.

 _"Doctor Who"_ Theodore corrected, "Y'know, 1200 year old time-travelling alien? Police box that's bigger on the inside? Sassy eye-candy assistant? Any of this ringing any bells?"

"No"

 _"Seriously?"_ Theodore peered incredulously at his smallest uncle, "It's like the hallmark of time-travelling culture—I mean it _has_ been running for 50-odd years, so that's probably why"

"Dad didn't let us watch 'useless shows' " Uncle Klaus supplied.

"Well, that's stupid"

"…You're aware of how insane this sounds, right?" Auntie Allison shook her head before turning to Uncle Five.

"Y'know what else is insane?" Uncle Five snarked, gently probing at his side. _"I_ look like a _thirteen_ year old boy, _Klaus_ talks to the dead and _Luther_ thinks he's fooling everyone with that overcoat—"

 _Don't forget the Loric—Human hybrid with a sentient rock sitting on your counter._ Theodore silently added.

"—Everything about us is insane, it always has been"

"He's…got a point, there" Uncle Klaus agreed.

"We didn't choose this life, we're just living it"

 _"Preach it, sister!"_ Loren chirped. Theodore had to bite his lip to hide the smile threatening to overtake his face.

"For the next three days anyway"

"But the last time we tried to stop it, we all _died!"_ Auntie reiterated, "Why would this time be any different? Why shouldn't I go home to my daughter?"

"Because this time _I'm_ here, we have the name of the man responsible and we _actually_ have a chance of saving the lives of _billions_ of people…including Claire"

"You know her name?"

"I do, and I'd like to live long enough to meet her"

"…I'd also like to meet my cousin" Theodore raised his hand, but was mostly ignored.

Uncle Five's response seemed to be enough evidence for Auntie Allison as she practically jumped on the band wagon, Uncle Diego following not long after. "Alright" She nodded, "Let's get this bastard"

"You had me at Gerald Jenkins" Uncle Diego agreed.

 _"Harold_ Jenkins" Uncle Five corrected tiredly.

"Whatever. I've already lost two people this week, I'm not losing anymore"

"And Luther?"

"Yeah, you guys go" Uncle Luther sighed awkwardly shifting in place, looking for all the world like he'd been the last person picked for sports as his moon idea and leadership role were dismissed. "I'm gonna stay behind and go through Dad's files—I still think this has something about why he sent me to the moon"

"Seriously?" Uncle Diego asked incredulous. "You want to make the end of the world about you and Dad?"

"No, 'watch for threats' that's what he told me. You think it's a coincidence? It all has to be connected somehow!"

 _"I_ think you're reading too much into it" Theodore's mumbled reply was overthrown by Auntie's louder one.

"No, we should all stick together!" Auntie protested.

"—Look! We don't have time for this!" Uncle Five cut in.

"Let's roll!" Uncle Diego commanded, "I know where we can find this asshole—Klaus, you're with me"

"Yeah—yeah" Uncle Klaus gingerly rolled from the chaise as he gripped tight to his gurgling stomach with a groan and shuffled towards the bathroom. "I—I'm uh, good. I think I'll uh—I think I'll pass…feeling a lil' under the weather, so…eurgh!"

"Theo?" Uncle Diego then turned to him. The teen spared a glance towards the rucksack sitting innocently next to him as five pairs of eyes seemingly burned into his soul. He swallowed thickly, trying to rid his mouth of its dryness before he turned back to both of the uncles in front of him.

"Sure, why not? It's not like school's an option today anyway" Theodore shrugged, hopping down from the counter and slipped passed his uncles on the way out the door as he tried to fake the nonchalance he was so hoping to feel.


	25. The Murder Shrine

"I know this Jenkins dude must have to have a record" Uncle Diego parked the sleek black Rolls-Royce a block away from the Police station; it appeared to be one of the more nondescript cars but despite their need to stay incognito, it was still rather eye-catching. "Just gotta get our hands on this file"

"And your plan is to what?" Auntie Allison questioned skeptically. "Waltz in there and just ask for it?"

"I know this station like the back of my hand, sis—spent a lot of time inside"

"Yeah, in _handcuffs"_

"Whatever. Here's the plan—"

"—Plan? What plan?" Uncle Five puzzled, "I'm just gonna blink in and get the file"

"No, that's not…" Uncle Diego denied, growing frustrated at the lack of respect for his newly acquired leadership role. "You don't know the ins and outs of this place, okay?"

"I literally just did this yesterday"

"What?"

"Well, _my_ yesterday, not _your_ yesterday. It'll take me two seconds—"

"—Listen to me, _you_ are not going in there. I made a call because that's what a leader does—he _leads"_

"Yeah? Y'know what else they do—?"

"—Are you two gonna spend the whole day measuring dicks?" Theodore leant forward to pop his head between the two front seats so he could eyeball his previously bickering—now blushing/spluttering—uncles. "Or did you forget the ticking time bomb that is doomsday?"

* * *

Not long after Uncle Diego had scampered off to meet with his police contact, the remaining trio made their way over to the payphone on the corner of the street so Auntie could make a couple of calls. Uncle Five leant against the concrete pillar of the building, shifting his weight every so often and hissing painfully as he did so. Usually, Theodore probably would've been more concerned about this, as it was his eyes were more preoccupied with nervously roving over the throngs of people around them as he searched for any sign of the School or their tech. Mogadorians _always_ hunted in packs and there was no telling if the ones from the day before were just scouts or the full hunting party—it was better to be safe than sorry.

"…Love you sis" Auntie ended the call before rejoining the quiet pair on the corner as they waited for Uncle Diego to return. "Are you sure you didn't want to leave a message for Vanya?"

"Uh yeah—yeah, no it's fine" Theodore stammered as he rocked back and forth on his heels, trying desperately not give away that something was wrong.

"Did you guys fight or something?"

"No—it's uh, it's nothing—not important" Theodore shifted his eyes to the floor, refusing to meet her eye.

"Right…" Auntie shared a glance with Uncle Five at the response. "Which reminds me, why aren't you at school?"

"Didn't you see the news this morning?" Theodore's puzzled expression flickered between his aunt and uncle. "It got blown to kingdom come—"

"—What?" Uncle Five perked up.

"Yeah, it looked like something outta a disaster film with all that fire and smoke and shit. 'Pparently, they don't no who did it or how or why" Theodore lied, burying his sweaty hands deep into his pockets. "But they think it had something to do with the same guys from _Griddy's_ and _Gimble Brothers'…_ But I guess you'd probably know more about that than me, so…"

Thankfully before the pair could delve further into their questioning (despite their clear desire to) Uncle Diego returned with the shiftily acquired file in hand. "So?" Uncle Five latched onto his appearance like a dog with a bone, clearly wanting to do this Apocalypse thing his way.

"Your welcome" Uncle Diego sassed, pulling the blue file from where he had hidden it in his sling and brandished it in the air. Moving quickly, Theodore snatched the blue file from his uncle's hand before his aunt could reach it, and began to flick through the thick file.

Pages and pages of this Harold Jenkins guy recorded from the time he was a tween up until his adults years. The first half of the file was dedicated to the petty crimes he had committed—most of them involving injuring animals or traumatising other children. The photo clipped to the front of this section showed a young kid—probably thirteen at most—with splotches of dried blood splattered across his face and a manic grin twitching at his lips as he held up the plaque for his juvie photo.

"…is Vanya?" Auntie asked, pulling Theodore from his snooping.

"Hm?" Theodore hummed, not looking up from the page in front of him.

" _I said_ do you know where my sister is?

"She's our sister too, Allison"

"Really? 'Cause you sure don't act like it"

"Yeah, anyway…" Theodore briefly eyed his snarling family, "She's _'honeymooning'_ with her boyfriend"

"She's _married?!"_ Uncle Five exclaimed.

"What? _No!_ She's holidaying with her creepy boyfriend out in the woods and doing mushy couple stuff"

"Leonard, right?" Auntie clarified.

"Yeah" Theodore nodded, flipping through more pages as his eyes skimmed the words written there. "There's just something about him—he's really creepy, like those serial killers you see on the news"

Flipping over to the adult section of the file, Theodore was met with more pages of behavioural analysis' on the bloke. Most were 'good behaviour' reports from the prison counsellor or guards, plus a signed appeal to release from his jail sentence a couple of years early. But it was the clean-shaven photo clipped to the page that made him pause and blink dumbly at the man staring back at him. "Hey, what d'ya know? He really is a serial killer"

"What?" Both uncles chorused as Auntie peered over his shoulder to see what he was talking about.

"Holy shit!" She cursed.

_"What?"_

"Harold Jenkins _is_ Leonard Peabody" She snatched the folder from Theodore's hands and flipped it around so that both Uncles Diego & Five could see.

 _"That's_ Vanya's boyfriend?!" Uncle Five asked incredulously, drawing himself upright as a tone of protectiveness entered his voice.

"You don't seem particularly worried" Uncle Diego pointed out, turning to Theodore. "Why?"

"Uh well, Mama's not exactly the damsel-in-distress you all think she is" Theodore replied with a shrug. "Especially not after what she did to my social studies teacher"

"What…did she do?" Auntie hedged, not quite believing that her timid little sister was capable of such violent feats.

"Uh…nope!" Theodore's eyes blew wide and his parlour paled slightly as he recalled what happened to said teacher. "Nope, we don't talk about that!" He swallowed thickly, spinning on his heel and walking stiffly back towards the parked car. In doing so, he didn't see the disbelieving looks plastered across his aunt and uncles' faces as their imaginations ran wild with possible scenarios that could elicit that kind of reaction from their nephew.

* * *

"Here it is" Uncle Diego parked out in front of Peabody's two-storey terracotta house, where it lay nestled among the other suburban family homes along the pastel-coloured street.

"Just be careful!" Auntie Allison warned for the umpteenth time as they all exited from the vehicle and made their way up to the front door. The warning was directed more toward Uncle Diego (whose vigilante nature was coming to light) and Uncle Five (whose temporal assassin nature was also making an appearance). The two men had been butting heads since they had left the Umbrella Academy and it was starting to drive the two in the back seat insane—Theodore was about two seconds away from letting Loren eat one of them, just to shut them up. "We don't know what Peabody is capable of"

"Yeah, he didn't seem dangerous when I first saw him" Uncle Diego rebutted. "Looked kinda scrawny"

"Yeah, well, so are most serial killers and mass murderers" Auntie retorted, "I mean, look at him"

"Thanks" Uncle Five replied sincerely as he limped up the lawn.

"Good point" Uncle Diego agreed as Auntie disappeared around the back and through the side gate that creaked on its hinges as it moved. "So what's this guy want with Vanya?"

Uncle Five's answer went unheard as Theodore drifted over to the corrugated garage door. After spending a seconds jimmying the deadlock with a loralite claw, he was able to push the door up far enough to crawl underneath. Once inside, Theodore was met with the overwhelming stench of decay. "Oh _God!"_ He gagged, smothering his nose and mouth in his hand as he tried to find the source of the smell. Of course, before he could the sound of glass breaking further in the house caught his attention.

**_CRASH!_ **

The source of the noise turned out to be Uncle Diego who laid groaning on the floor amongst several shards of broken glass and wooden splinters from the door's window; which was now just a large hole. "Subtle" Auntie commented as she strolled down the main hall, having come in the back door.

"Y'know the door was unlocked" Uncle Five added, having teleported himself inside and pulled the door open.

"There were easier ways inside, Uncle" Theodore stated, toeing a couple of shards of glass in front of him.

"Yeah, well, my way works just fine" Uncle Diego snarked as he rose to his feet and shook off the glass clinging to him. "Spread out, yell if you, uh, y'know are in trouble"

"Ah, inspiring leadership" Uncle Five deadpanned as Uncle Diego limped off towards the kitchen.

"One of the greats" Agreed Auntie before they went their seperate ways.

Upon second inspection of the garage, the teen could see just how much crap was crammed into the small space. The interior of the garage appeared small and cluttered with trampled boxes and old furniture piled on top of each other in precarious piles that threatened to fall at any moment. A single well-trodden path led from the house and wound through the mess like a hiking track. Theodore could see why the door had creaked and whined on its hinges when he had hauled it open even a smidge—the garage was practically bulging with unwanted stuff like a hoarder's wet dream.

Skirting a particularly rusted bicycle frame that jutted out from beneath a pile of faded & torn magazines, Theodore found himself stopping short at what he had found. "You see that too, right?" Theodore asked, his voice muffled by the hand slapped over his face as he stared dumbly at the sight before him.

 _"Do you mean the dead chick on the plastic-wrapped couch or the conspiracy map glued to the wall?"_ Loren sassed, his tone equally as dumbfounded.

"I think that chick might be Helen Cho…" Theodore murmured as he bent as close as he dared over her decaying face.

_"Who?"_

"She was the first chair in Ma—Vanya's—in the orchestra" He choked out, stumbling yet again over what to call his (ex) mother. "Guess she didn't leave like they thought"

_"Not willingly"_

"Wonder how he got her?"

_"Sneak attack most likely"_

"Yeah, Helen was pretty handy with her violin" Theodore recalled an instance where one of the string players had tried hitting on her. It hadn't ended well for him.

_"That and that's what he did to his father, remember?"_

"Oh yeah, from the file" Theodore nodded, remembering the bit that mentioned the murder of his father with a hammer. Stepping away from the dead violinist, he then made his way over to the busy back wall which was wallpapered in a multitude of images, handwritten notes and red string.

Some pictured the Umbrella Academy as children (from magazine/comic book cutouts) whilst others showed them as adults; but that wasn't all. There was also images of Saint Gregory's, their apartment and various polaroid snapshots of Theodore displaying his powers over the last couple of days. "How the _hell_ did he get these?"

 _"You don't think…?"_ Loren trailed.

"I think he's batshit crazy and pretty good at connecting the dots" Theodore replied as his fingers hovered over the hastily drawn symbol of the _Ragnor-Ra_ staff that was pinned next to the ticket for Vanya's concert and the scribbled notes taped beneath it. "But I don't think he's involved in _that"_

_"Still pretty dangerous"_

"Yep"

**_THUMP!_ **

"What was—?" Theodore glanced up at the noise, wondering if one of the piles had finally given into gravity and collapsed. He didn't have to wait for very long.

"STUDENT 2419 DETECTED" Intoned a familiar voice as he suddenly became enveloped in the warm tingly feeling he associated with an identification drone. He froze in place like a deer caught in the headlights as the whirring blades of the drone fluttered above him.

 _"HOW THE HELL DID THAT GET IN HERE?!"_ Loren screeched.

"Dunno" Theodore squeaked, now crouching behind a waning stack of newspapers and hoping against hope that the drone was alone.

"STUDENT 2419 DETECTED" The robotic voice grew closer to his hiding spot. "STUDENT 2419 DETECTED"

 _"SHUT THE BLOODY THING UP!"_ Loren ordered, pushing him into motion. As the drone dodged around another leaning pile, Theodore leapt out from his hiding spot and slashed a loralite claw down through the machine, sending it careening to the floor where it sparked and died. _"KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IT!"_

"I'm going! I'm going!" Theodore snarked as he tripped over an old microwave in his attempt to reach the downed drone and rip out the GPS chip that was standard in the identification drones.

No sooner had he finished, did the sound of his aunt's frantic calls reach him through the house. "—eo! Theo! THEO!" Auntie called urgently.

"Coming!" Theodore replied, slipping over magazines in an effort to leave the stinking garage, murder shrine and alien drone behind. "Auntie?"

"Up here!" He followed the sound of her voice to the top of the stairs where the ladder into the attic remained open. Glancing up he was met with the sight of Uncle Diego & Auntie Allison awkwardly trying to move an unconscious and bleeding Uncle Five down the ladder.

"Auntie?" Theodore puzzled, "What happened? Did you kill him?"

"Nevermind" Uncle Diego replied. "Just help us get him down"

The next few moments were spent trying to decide how to best fit Uncle Five through the opening without further damaging his wound. In the end, Theodore raised a splayed hand to his bloody uncle and gripping him with telekinesis slowly floated him down until Theodore was able to get a good hold on him. Shifting his arms slightly until Uncle Five rested comfortably in his arms, Theodore let the liquid loralite flow from his forearms and mould itself to his smallest uncle like a silicone glacier. "What the hell is that?" Uncle Diego demanded, eyes narrowed on the loralite encasing his brother as Theodore moved out of the way to let him and Auntie hurriedly descend the ladder.

"It's loralite" Theodore replied as if it were obvious, "It heals"

"Whatever it is, just get him in the car" Auntie interrupted. "He needs a hospital!"

"No hoshital!" Slurred Uncle Five as they slid into the back seat of the Rolls-Royce.

"Five—!"

"NO!"

"I know some first-aid if that helps…" Theodore piped up, gripping tight to his uncle as they flew down the road.

"That's fine, but a shrapnel wound's a bit more serious than what you're use to" Auntie gently denied, "He _needs_ to go to the hospital!"

"No!" Uncle Five continued to moan.

"…Fine, we'll see if Pogo can help" Uncle Diego decided, swinging the car around.

"Diego—!"

"What? He's clearly not gonna co-operate if we take 'im to a hospital!"

* * *

"I still think we should've taken him to the hospital!" Auntie griped as she propped the door open for Theodore to shuffle through with arms full of bleeding uncle.

"Kid wish shrapnel wound migh' raish some queshions…" Slurred Uncle Five as he was deposited on a nearby couch and the silicone-like loralite receded back into Theodore's arms.

"Yeah, well, so does the murder shrine in Harold Jenkins' house!"

"Nngh!"

"He's still losing a lot of blood. What do we do?"

"We gotta get the shrapnel out" Uncle Diego automatically replied before wandering off to catch Nana before she disappeared up the stairs.

"I can do it" Theodore rolled up his sleeves as he sat on the floor next to the couch, "Auntie, can you get a bowl please?"

"Uh…ri—right" Auntie Allison shakily nodded before hurriedly searching the bar for some kind of bowl.

"Eyes please" Theodore murmured to Loren who quickly switched his Human orbs for the Loric ones, filling his sclera with alien blue. With vision now improved tenfold, Theodore quickly set to work plucking the metal from the shrapnel wound and into the olive bowl that Auntie had procured with loralite encrusted fingers.

"How…?" Uncle Five moaned, his voice thick with pain as he tried to stay awake.

"Hm?" Theodore hummed as Auntie hovered nearby, gripping tight onto Uncle Five's hand, more for her own comfort than his.

"How do you know what to do?" Auntie clarified.

"Oh, 'cause Teachers liked using physical punishments and Deans aren't very motherly" Theodore replied absentmindedly.

"Physical punishments? At St Gregorys?"

"No"

"Then where?"

"From before, at School"

"What like pre-school?" Auntie asked aghast.

"No, the centre in Arizona"

"Vanya moved to Arizona?"

"No" Theodore dropped the last of the shrapnel pinched between loralite claws as Auntie's expression grew frustrated at the vague answers he gave her. Her narrowed eyes remained trained on her nephew as a small piece of loralite liquified and dripped down onto Uncle Five's bare stomach.

"Wha you doin'?" Uncle Five tried to see.

"Just getting the last little bit" Theodore replied, "This might hurt"

"Wha—?" Uncle Five's confused expression quickly morphed into pain as the liquified loralite crawled towards his open wound like a slimy blue slug and slid inside. In the time it took for Auntie to process what she was seeing, the little loralite slug had returned and crawled back out of the wound where it was now covered in blood and had tiny shrapnel pieces embedded inside it.

"I think I got most of it" Theodore plucked the little slug from Uncle Five's stomach and deposited it into the olive bowl beside him. "But you might wanna get Nana, just in case"


	26. Forgive Me Father, for I have Sinned

**_30 March 2019_ **

**_DING DONG! DING DONG! DING DONG!_ **

"Wakey wakey! Eggs & ba~key!" Klaus sang, ringing Mom's golden meal bell as he roamed the halls of his childhood home early the next morning, feeling much better than he had the previous day. Of course, that wasn't hard. "Rise and shine, you little shits! Time for break~fast!"

Skipping down the hall with bell in hand, Klaus moved from empty room to empty room, peering in through open doors as he searched for his family members. Five had been relatively easy to wake, despite his dance with death the night before, which had left him passed out in bed with an IV line inserted into his forearm and a patch of gauze taped to his side. Luther had been a little harder to rouse do to his sleeping partner and the almighty hangover he was no doubt suffering from; but he'd been good fun to tease as per usual. The last person he'd come across was his nephew, Theodore fast asleep in the bathtub.

One soapy leg had been propped up on the lip of the clawed bath whilst his left arm draped over the other side and head tilted back against the rim. Large mounds of soapy bubbles blanketed the surface of the cooling water and decorated his chin like a Tutankhamen goatee. The cellphone nestled amongst the folds of the embroidered towel on the counter, faded from Prince's _Raspberry Beret_ to Simon & Garfunkel's _Mrs Robinson_ as Klaus padded into the bathroom.

**_DING DONG! DING DONG! DING DONG!_ **

At first, he could've sworn that Theodore was dead since he didn't so much as twitch when he pranced into the bathroom and noisily shook the golden bell in his ear. That was if he didn't count the window-rattling snores that fell from his nephew's lips as he slept in a rather awkward position. "Rise & shine sleepy~head!" Klaus sang, shaking his nephew's soapy shoulder with one hand and ringing the bell in the other.

"Gräner var…!" Theodore grumbled, swatting at his uncle as he turned over. Which would have been totally fine had said nephew not subconsciously accessed his telekinesis and sent said perky uncle flying back down the hall where he collapsed onto the perfectly placed old love seat just sitting there at the end of the hallway.

"What just happened?" Klaus groaned, naturally turning to ask Ben, who for once was not by his side but instead remained languishing atop the toilet lid with book in hand.

"Hurk!" Theodore coughed and spluttered as he shot up from the soapy water. As it turned out, when his nephew had rolled over in his sleep, his head had slipped from the rim of the bathtub and back under the water.

"Nice swim, Teddy bear?" Klaus grinned as he padded back into the tiled bathroom to find his nephew hunched over and coughing his lungs up.

"Un—uncle?" Theodore coughed, his freckled cheeks painted red as he eventually regained his breath. "What is it?"

"Oh—oh! Important family business!" Klaus replied, rocking on his feet as he answered. "Meet me in the kitchen, okay? And Theodore—" He used the bell to gesture and make his point. "—No dilly-dallying! Chop, chop!"

Theodore just yawned widely and wiped the soap out of his eyes in response.

* * *

"Here we go!" Klaus sang—having used the last dregs of the coffee ground he'd snagged from the corner store earlier in the week—poured the coffee from the plunger into (the very hungover) Luther's cup. "This'll fix ya right up!"

"Jesus!" Five cursed, having snatched Luther's cup from his hands and gulped down the coffee inside as he slumped into the seat next to his hungover brother. It was a little odd seeing him in the Umbrella Academy pyjamas—the blue ones they had worn as kids—it was like he had never left. "Who do I gotta kill to get a decent cuppa coffee?"

"Can we get started please?" Luther pleaded, looking like he wanted nothing more than to curl back up and go to sleep.

"Anyone see any of the others?" Klaus asked, stalling for time. "Diego? Allison? Theodore?"

As if summoned from the depths of the house, Theodore tiredly shuffled into the room wearing naught but a pair of pink camouflage-patterned sweat pants that slouched around his legs. His previously wet curls had been dried and now flopped around his tired face in fluffy curls as he scratched absentmindedly at his bare scarred chest. Moving like a zombie, the teen grunted a greeting and made his way over to the fridge to look for breakfast.

When he turned around, Klaus sucked in a breath when he caught sight of the abnormal scarring tucked firmly between his shoulder blades. The small gasp from next him let him know that at least Ben had noticed the scarring as well. The texture of the scar looked to have been the after-effects of a burn or some kind of branding—for that's what it clearly was—like the kind you'd see on cattle. The pattern itself was odd; it was a perfectly circular shape that intertwined with one another and reminded Klaus of a four-way Celtic knot—it almost seemed to emanate the image of a stamp. There were other little scars too that decorated his nephew, most of them small or insignificant but it made him wonder just how he had gotten them—there was _no way_ that Vanya would have done that, so how? Klaus could only watch with wide eyes and racing mind as Theodore retreated from the fridge with a bowl of mixed berries in hand and tiredly flopped into a spare chair, happily sighing when he popped and cracked his back as he did so.

* * *

"What?" Theodore grumbled, feeling all eyes turn to him as he tucked his feet under him and began to pluck berries from the bowl in front of him. The events of the last couple of days had seemingly finally caught up with the teen and he wanted nothing more than to sleep the day away. A quick glance over at Uncle Luther showed that he shared that sentiment.

"What's with the scar?" Uncle Five nodded towards his back, asking the question that seemed to be burning on all of their tongues. Theodore found that when he was as tired as he was, the filter between brain and mouth seemed to fall away. Just as it did today.

"We all got 'em" Theodore muttered plopping a blueberry on his tongue.

"All?"

"E'eryone gets a House brand" He propped his elbow up on the arm of his chair and leant his head against his palm as his eyes slid shut once more. "Dunno why—ask the Entity"

"Er…"

"Hey, hey!" Uncle Klaus banged his spatula against the wooden table in an effort to rouse the sleepy teen. "Wakey! Wakey! This is important!"

"I'm up! I'm up!" Theodore groused, blearily peeling an eye open and rolling it over to Uncle Klaus who was being annoyingly perky so early in the morning.

"All right, then this is as close to a quorum as we're gonna get" Uncle Klaus continued, banging his spatula against the tabletop to wake everyone & get them to listen. "Now listen up, there's no easy way to say this so I'm just gonna spit it out"

"…" Theodore furrowed his brows at the buzzing in his ear as his eyes briefly shifted from Uncle Klaus to the empty chair next to him.

"Yeah…"

"…Klaus!" Uncle Luther snapped, pulling Uncle Klaus from his thoughts.

"I conjured Dad last night"

There was a beat of silence as the admission settled in. For Theodore it didn't seem like a huge deal—wasn't that kind of his deal? But for Uncle Luther & Uncle Five it looked like their worlds had come crashing down around them. Uncle Five reached for the cup of coffee in front of him and Uncle Luther finally stared Uncle Klaus dead in the eye as he demanded answers. "…I thought you said you haven't been able to injure anyone in years?" Uncle Luther questioned.

"Yes, I know" Uncle Klaus agreed. "But I'm sober! Ta~da! I got clean—yesterday—to talk to someone…special and then ended up having this conversation with dear old Daddy himself"

"…Has anyone got some aspirin?" Uncle Luther dismissed with a sigh, turning to leave as Theodore's eyes slid shut once more.

"Top shelf, next to the crackers" Uncle Five swiftly replied.

"Hey, hey, hey! Guys! This is serious!" Uncle Klaus protested. "Alright? This really happened! I swear!"

"Okay, fine" Uncle Five sighed, "I'll bite. What did the old man have to say?"

"Well, he gave me the usual lecture about my appearance and my failures in life, yada yada yada, no surprise there—even the afterlife couldn't soften a hard ass like Dad, right? But he did mention something about his murder or lack thereof because…"

"…" Again the buzzing sounded, but this time Theodore just tiredly swatted towards the noise, hoping that it would go away.

"…He killed himself"

" 'S at all?" Theodore muttered quietly as he shifted trying find a more comfortable position.

"What do you mean 'is that all?" Uncle Klaus turned indignantly to his tired nephew.

"People die e'eryday—they get old & fuck off" He gestured with his free hand by way of explanation, "What's different 'ere? Mama said you hated 'im anyway. Innit he bad?"

"Bad?" Uncle Five repeated, whilst Uncle Luther was seemingly still stuck on the whole 'Dad suicide' thing.

"That's what Mama said"

"Well, she's not wrong…" Uncle Klaus agreed.

"See? That's why we got rules"

"Rules?" Again it was Uncle Five who pursued.

"Not safe—gotta have rules 'til it's safe"

"Safe? Safe from what?"

"Grandfather"

"…Again, not wrong" Uncle Klaus agreed as Uncle Five sucked in a hissed breath at the admission. Not that he could reasonably deny the accusations.

"…I swear to God, Klaus, you better not be playing games!" Uncle Luther demanded as he apparently became unstuck from his shock and rose from his chair.

"No, no, no, I'm telling you the truth, Luther! I'm telling the truth!" Uncle Klaus protested as the conversation easily switched back to Grandfather's supposed suicide.

"Why'd he do it then?" Uncle Five pursued, sparing only a single glance towards his nephew across the table before turning back to his brother.

"It was the only way to get us all home again" Uncle Klaus replied, mockingly repeating the same words his father had said to him.

"No, Dad wouldn't just kill himself!" Uncle Luther denied.

"Eh, you said it yourself—he was depressed" Uncle Five reminded him. "Holed up in his office and room all day & night"

"No, there weren't any signs—suicidal people exhibit certain tendencies, strange behaviours—"

"—Like sending someone to the moon for no reason?" Uncle Klaus cut in, throwing back his own words in his face.

"I swear to God Klaus, if you're lying—!"

"—I'm NOT! I'm not!"

"Master Klaus is correct" Gruncle Pogo settled the argument as he appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, hunched over his cane. Theodore tiredly peeled his eyes open at the ape's entrance and turned to look at him as he shuffled inside. "Regretfully, I helped Master Hargreeves enact his plan"

"What…?" Uncle Luther breathed in shock.

"So did Grace" Gruncle Pogo continued on with emotion making his voice thick and heavy, "It was a difficult choice for both of us…more difficult than you could ever know. Prior to your father's death, Grace's programming was adjusted so that she was incapable of administering first-aid on that fateful night"

"Sick bastard!" Uncle Five cursed. Theodore was unsure if he meant Grandfather or Gruncle or both.

"So the security tape we saw…?" Uncle Luther queried.

"It was meant to further the murder mystery. Your father hoped that being back here, solving it together would reignite your desire to be a team again"

"To what end?" Uncle Five puzzled.

"To save the world, of course" Gruncle stated as if it were obvious.

"He! Hehe Alright!" Uncle Klaus giggled hysterically as he leant against the table, seemingly bowed by the weight of the confession.

"First the moon mission and now this" Uncle Luther groused. "You watched me search for answers and said _nothing._ Anything _else_ you wanna share, Pogo? Any other damn secrets?!"

"Hey—!'

"Calm down!" Chorused Uncles Five & Klaus.

"No I _won't_ calm down! We've been lied to by the one person in this family that we all trusted!"

"It was your father's dying wish, Master Luther, I—I had no choice!" Gruncle pleaded.

"There's _always_ a choice!" Uncle Luther rebutted before storming off to sulk in the depths of the house. Gruncle seemed to sink lower at his words.

"Uh…I gotta think" Uncle Five sighed, running his hands over his face and through his hair before he teleported away.

The kitchen fell into uncomfortable silence as Uncle Klaus sunk into an empty chair and Gruncle Pogo remained standing in the doorway, unable to decide if he wanted to leave or not. After a beat of silence Theodore spoke up, the Loric falling from his lips with a naturalness that was usually reserved for Loren. _"Did y'know it's been about 60 years since the fall of Lorien? It's kinda cool that earth ends the same as her sister planet…"_

"In English Teddy bear" Uncle Klaus asked.

"Lorien go boom & Earth go boom" Theodore simplified, in much the same manner that Uncle Five often talked to everyone else.

 _"That's one way to put it, Master Theodore"_ Gruncle Pogo replied, his Loric accented by thick and heavy tones.

 _"You know Loric, Gruncle?"_ Theodore's head snapped up towards the ape-man as he ignored the confused expressions of Uncle Klaus who watched the two like it was a tennis match.

"Only in passing" Gruncle replied, this time switching back to English. "It's a beautiful language"

"A beautiful language for a beautiful people" Theodore agreed, sharing a small smile with the ape. "Hey, did y'know that _'taniver'_ is Loric for _'empty orchestra'_? Isn't that hauntingly beautiful?"

"Indeed"

"I think my favourite's gotta be _'tero',_ though"

"And why's that?"

"It's like saying _'see you soon',_ so much better than saying _'goodbye' "_

"You okay there, Teddy?" Uncle Klaus leant forward as his nephew's words turned towards the philosophical.

"Mama said we were gonna go bowling for my birthday, but now the world's gonna explode!" Theodore whined, turning to his uncle as Gruncle Pogo chose that moment to shuffle away.

"Well, when's your birthday?"

"The first of April"

"Your birthday's on April Fools?"

"Yeah & consequently doomsday"

"Oh"

"Yeah, it's like _'happy birthday!'_ BOOM!" Theodore gestured with his hands before resting his head back onto his palm. "It's not fair!"

"Well, how old are you turning?" Uncle Klaus blinked dumbly, trying to steer the conversation away from that depressing notion.

"Seventeen…" Theodore murmured as his eyes slid shut once more and he finally gave in to the warm arms of sleep.


	27. Snitches get Stitches

**_One in fire, two in blood,_ **

_Someone was screaming. A lot of people cried and loads whispered between the bars of the cells in the dead of night. But screaming was bad. Screaming meant that the Teachers were doing bad things, things they weren't meant to do, things they knew would likely end in death—theirs or the kids'. It had happened before on many an occasion and it was always terrifying._

**_Three in storm and four in flood._ **

_It would better if they were singing. Singing meant that Teachers were in good moods and good moods resulted in extra time for recess. If they were lucky they'd get to play with the balls or maybe a piece of chalk would be hidden in a pocket so they could play hopscotch._

**_Five in anger, six in hate,_ **

_It was hard to block out the screaming as it echoed all around the cells. It was test day tomorrow and you had to pass—you HAD to—if you wanted to see tomorrow. Those who placed in the top percentile even got to have extra helpings at dinner, or better yet dessert!_

**_Seven fear and evil eight._ **

_Oh, it wasn't the Teachers who were making them scream—it was a nightmare. That was worse. If the Teachers were woken from their beds, the punishment would be widespread and severe. No one wanted to wake a Teacher from their bed. But God forbid you woke a Dean…_

**_Nine in sorrow, ten in pain,_ **

_How were they STILL screaming? Didn't they know what would happen? Couldn't they hear the Teachers coming? Did they want to die? Why won't they just shut up! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! THEY'RE COMING! SHUT UP!_

**_Eleven death, twelve life again_ **

_Why? Why can't they just stop?! We're gonna be punished again! We didn't do anything! Please! PLEASE! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST STOP?! Please just stop screaming…_

**_Thirteen steps to the Headmaster's door_ **

_Oh, it's me._

**_Won't be turning back no more._ **

* * *

Something was touching him—some _one_ was touching him. In the blink of an eye, Theodore—still drowsy from sleep—jolted from his position where he had been slouched over the kitchen table, and in the next moment he had the person pinned to the floor. Loralite seamlessly flowed from his hands and encased his fingers in pointed claws which were in turn pressed tightly to the person's jugular as he straddled their waist; the remnants of his dream still lingering on the edges of his subconscious.

"…eddy! Teddy! Wake up!" A voice filtered its way into his mind as choked gasps fell from his victim's lips. Theodore tightened his grip on the person beneath him as he shook his head trying to clear it from the persistent voice nattering in his ear. "THEODORE! WAKE UP!"

"Wha-!" Theodore spluttered as freezing cold water was chucked into his face, effectively snapping him into consciousness. "What was _that_ for?!" He demanded, turning to the culprits—Uncle Five & Uncle Klaus—who stood in front of him.

"You gonna get off Diego?" Uncle Five rose a brow in question, making Theodore glance down to see that the person he had unconsciously pinned was in fact, his Uncle Diego, who has slowly turning red from the lack of air.

"Oops! Sorry!" Theodore apologised sheepishly as he scrambled off of his stab-happy uncle, allowing him to gasp in sweet lungfuls of air like a dying fish.

"What…was _that…_ for?!" Uncle Diego gasped as he sat upright, glaring at Theodore who just grinned sheepishly in reply, fighting a yawn as he did so.

"Ah, don't worry 'bout it Diego" Uncle Klaus waved it off, "He did the same thing to me!"

_"What?"_

"I was asleep!" Theodore protested, but was summarily ignored.

"Yup! Flung me down the hallway like a ragdoll—it's a good think Dad like couches so much, am I right?"

"Un—Uncle? What's going—going on?" Theodore yawned, turning to Uncle Five.

"Allison is in danger" Uncle Five replied tersely, though his lips quirked at the edges at his two bickering brothers.

"Danger?"

"She decided to go after Harold Jenkins" Uncle Diego supplied, getting to his feet with the help of a chair.

"What?"

"Alone"

"Let me get this straight," Theodore sighed, "After finding a murder shrine in his attic and a dead chick in his garage, Auntie thought going after him _alone_ was a _good idea?_ Is this typical for you lot? What do you consider a _bad idea?_ Like, seriously, how are you not all dead already?!"

"Dead chick? What dead chick—?" Uncle Klaus puzzled.

"—Are you gonna keep asking questions or can we go?" Uncle Five interrupted, tapping this foot impatiently like Vanya did when they were late.

"Lemme put a shirt on"

* * *

 _"I would not have pegged the ape for an Irish bar man"_ Loren mused as Theodore sat atop a spare table with his hands tucked into his hoodie pockets, and he swung his bare feet above the mysteriously sticky bar floor. Theodore hummed in acknowledgement of the blue rock in his head, but didn't reply. Next to him, Uncle Klaus gestured that time was ticking, as they waited across the way for Uncle Diego to somehow to convince the downtrodden Uncle Luther to move his ass. So far, it hadn't been working. _"A German bar or a rave maybe, but not an Irish bar—it seems to…classy for him"_

"—YOU SHOULD'VE LED WITH THAT!" Uncle Luther suddenly exclaimed as he jumped from his seat and rocketed towards the exit and practically yanked the door off of its hinges, "JESUS CHRIST!" The others were not far behind, Uncle Diego smirking the entire way.

* * *

Despite Uncle Luther's enthusiasm to find his sister/love interest, the four hour-long drive to the Jenkins' cabin was spent in relatively terse silence as Uncle Five drove and Uncle Luther periodically asked said driver to speed up. The Rolls-Royce—despite being a wonderful piece of machinery—wasn't built for that kind of speed or weight and so, the journey took longer that it probably would have, were there less people in the car.

Of course with Uncle Five driving, it meant that the front seat had been pulled as far forwards as it could go so he could comfortably reach the gas pedals. In turn, that meant that both Uncle Klaus and Theodore's legs were propped up against the dashboard—Theodore a little more comfortably than Uncle Klaus. With his head resting on Uncle Klaus' shoulder, Theodore's eyes stared out through the dashboard window and let his mind turn blank.

* * *

Night had fallen by the time the boys arrived at their destination, and they all but jumped from the moving vehicle as soon as the driveway came to an end. Reaching over to the driver's side, Theodore plucked the keys from the ignition as his uncles raced inside the quiet cabin, hoping to find Auntie hidden there.

**_BANG!_ **

The door banged against the cabin wall as Uncle Luther slammed it open and raced inside. "Allison! Allison!" His choked sobs echoed out the door as Theodore followed up the steps after his uncles. What he found inside made him stop cold. Wailing cries filled the room and fresh blood clogged his senses as he stared down at his aunt who was bleeding profusely from her neck. Auntie Allison was staring off into the distance with unnaturally wide glassy eyes as Uncle Luther cradled her to him and sobbed like a baby.

Uncle Klaus stood at his shoulder and alternated between glancing around the room as if he was trying to find her ghost, and down at the bleeding woman in his brother's arms. Both Uncle Diego and Uncle Five stood closest to the door, wearing expressions of disbelief and shock at what they had found.

**_BA-BOOM… BA-BOOM… BA-BOOM…_ **

Theodore tilted his head in puzzlement as the faint sound reached his ears over Uncle Luther's wails. He furrowed his brows as he tried to identify the source. It almost sounded like…a heartbeat. Weak and faint, but it was undoubtably there. "Auntie?" Theodore murmured, tilting his head the other way as he tried figure out if it was her heart he was hearing. An action which Uncle Diego misunderstood for grief as he placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Uh…Uncle Luther?" Theodore hedged, "You—you might not wanna squeeze any harder…"

"What? Why?" Uncle Five asked, his voice thick with emotion as Uncle Luther spared a teary-eyed look at his nephew.

"Can't—can't you hear that?" A beat of silence followed his question as the elder Hargreeves tried in vain to hear what Theodore could. "I think it's her heartbeat"

"Wha—?"

"Auntie—" Theodore quietly padded over to Auntie Allison's head and squatted down, trying his best not to slip over in the puddle of blood beneath her. "Auntie, blink if you're here"

Everyone seemed to hold their breath as Auntie took the world's slowest motion was slow and languid, but undoubtably a blink. An action which caused a fresh round of wails to emanate from his ape-ish uncle. Theodore glanced towards Uncle Five & Uncle Diego who remained by the door, silently pleading for help. "We should go"

The scramble into the car was just as manic as it had been to get out of it; only this time Uncles Five and Luther took up the backseat with Auntie Allison laid across their laps, and Uncles Klaus & Diego (squashily) rode shotgun with Theodore in the driver's seat. No sooner had Uncle Diego been squished up against the passenger's window did Theodore throw the Rolls-Royce into reverse as they rocketed back down the driveway with a sense of shared urgency.

Once clear of the dirt track that led to the cabin, Theodore swung them around the cop car cruising through the intersection as they made their way back onto the main road. With the speed that they were going and the carelessness of his driving, Theodore was unsurprised when they picked up a wailing tail. "Crap! Cop!" Uncle Klaus peered into the rear view mirror at the flashing blue and red lights.

"Uh huh" Theodore hummed.

"Are we gonna have to stop?"

"Nope!"

"RED LIGHT! RED LIGHT! RED LIGHT!" Uncle Diego braced himself as the traffic lights above them changed colour.

"Yep" Theodore acknowledged with a nod. But instead of suddenly breaking as his uncle had suspected, he pressed harder on the gas pedal and easily dodged around the incoming car; something which the police car didn't do in time, ultimately getting rear-ended. Despite the situation, Theodore couldn't help but feel the same exhilaration he felt whenever he and Milton snuck over to the drag races at Makeout Point.

"Christ on a cracker!" Uncle Klaus swore as he clutched to his dog tags and they spun through another set of lights, inevitably picking up some more wandering cops. "That was close!"  
"Yeah, but now we've got another tail!" Uncle Diego snapped.

"It's all right" Theodore calmly reassured his uncles. "How's Auntie?"

"She's losing a lot of blood" Uncle Five replied tersely. "And all this movement's not helping"

"Yeah, well you wanna help her or not?" Theodore fired back as he swung the roaring Royce around the corner, just barely scraping the curb as he did so.

A quick glance was spared towards the rear view mirror where the cop car remained right on their bumper, before Theodore jerked the steering wheel to the right and slipped them passed a camper van trudging along beside them. "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" Uncle Klaus cried as they narrowly missed being hit.

"LOOK OUT!" Uncle Diego cried, clinging onto the dashboard for dear life as a takeout van pulled out of the intersection to their right. Slamming on the pedals, shifting down a gear and jerking the wheel to the right again found the Royce easily drifting by the van with practised ease. "YOU'RE CRAZY!"

"Don't tell Mama" Theodore grinned as Uncle Klaus giggled hysterically beside him. A short cut here and there led them to the highway much faster than before, which meant that when the Rolls-Royce jumped the curb and landed back on the motorway, they were able to lose the police cars as they zipped beneath the overpass.

What had originally been a four hour drive trudging through the back streets of the city, was easily cut down to a harried hour or two as Theodore carelessly drove, pushing the old car to its limits and beyond. Not long after they had entered the city limits, the car was swung into a free park right outside the Umbrella Academy and Auntie was carefully yanked from the back seat. "I don't think she's breathing!" Uncle Luther worried as he grabbed her arms.

"If we don't get her upstairs, she's gonna die!" Uncle Klaus added as he looped his arms around her legs.

"NANA!" Theodore roared over his shoulder as he held open the door for his uncles to ferry his aunt though. Thankfully Nana promptly arrived in the hall with a tray of baked cookies in her hands—which promptly crashed to the floor—and Gruncle Pogo at her side. "HELP!" A few short harried moments later the entire family—Pogo included—were stuffed into the academy's infirmary with Uncle Five holding bloody gauze over Auntie's wound.

"She's suffered a severe laceration to her larynx" Nana intoned factually and robotically, "One of you will have to give blood"

"I will!" All five boys chorused.

 _"I'm_ doing it!" Uncle Luther protested as he prepared to roll up his sleeve.

"I'm afraid that's not possible, dear boy" Gruncle denied. "You're blood is more compatible with mine"

"Hey, don't sweat it, big guy!" Uncle Klaus piped up at Uncle Luther's downtrodden expression. "I love needles!"

"Master Klaus, your blood is…how shall I say this? Too polluted"

"Move, I'll do it" Uncle Diego tried next as Gruncle denied Uncle Klaus. At least until he saw the needle that Nana was prepping; then his face quickly paled before it met floor as he fell into a dead faint.

"Oh for God's sake, give it here!" Theodore cursed as he rolled up his sleeve and presented his arm to Nana who made quick work of inserting said needle into him.

"Wait—!" Uncle Luther protested as blue-flecked blood filtered from nephew to aunt. "What's your blood-type?!"

"O negative—why?" Theodore replied, leaning back slightly from his overbearing hairy uncle.

"O negative—that's—that's good right?"

"Universal donor" Uncle Five sighed in relief.

"I mean not that it matters—the loralite'll do it's job anyway"

" _What?!_ Are you saying there are…other bits in your blood?!"

"Yeah…"

"Then take it out!"

"Master Luther" Gruncle sternly intoned, cutting through his distressed comments as Theodore backed further away from said uncle with a look of fear dwelling in his blue eyes. "Loralite heals—" Theodore nodded as if to say 'see?' "—No one's quite sure to what extent its properties extend to, but they are amazing nonetheless"

"What…?" Uncle Luther turned to Theodore once more, his brow furrowed in puzzlement at the information provided.

"Don't look me" Theodore waved his free hand in surrender, "It's in me, but I don't know what it does"

"How can you not know what it does?" Uncle Five asked, his own eyes narrowed on his nephew.

"Do _you_ know every last thing about how _your_ body works?"

"Well, we could test it to find out—" His uncle offered.

"—No" Theodore's reply was firm and cold as his posture became stiff and his mind flashed with memories from before.

* * *

**_31 March 2019_ **

Early the next morning found Theodore laying on the couch in the parlour room with a plate of freshly baked cookies on his stomach and a glass of milk sitting on the coffee table in front of him as he goofily made up random little songs. Uncle Klaus seemed to quite enjoy listening to them as his feet tapped along to the jaunty little tunes—even if he didn't understand the Loric.

 _"Lil' uncle, tiny uncle,  
_ _Big, tall grumpy uncle.  
_ _Phantom uncle, stabby uncle,  
_ _Big, loud starry aunt.  
_ _Ape, bot, dead!"_

"Ya having fun there, Teddy?" Uncle Klaus smiled as he tucked his tapping feet under him. Theodore grind goofily at said uncle as he bit into another chocolate chip cookie.

"The bastard that nearly killed our sister still out there" Uncle Diego declared as he wandered into the living room with Uncle Five hot on his heels. " _With_ Vanya—we need to go after him"

"Vanya is not important" Uncle Five limped over to the couch opposite them.

"Hey!" Uncle Diego glared right alongside Theodore who pinned his smallest uncle with narrowed eyes and a barely-there snarl. "That's your _sister—_ that's a little heartless even for you, Five"

"I'm _not_ saying I don't care about her" Uncle Five chastised. "But if the Apocalypse happens today, she dies along with the other _seven billion_ of us! Harold Jenkins is the first priority"

"Agreed, let's go"

"You guys count me out" Uncle Klaus piped up distractedly as both Uncles Five & Diego made to leave. "I mean—no offence or whatever, it's just—I kinda feel like this is a _whole lotta_ pressure for newly sober me"

"You're coming" Uncle Diego asserted.

"No, no, no—I think we can all agree that my powers—I mean it's pretty much useless, I'd just be holding you guys back"

"Klaus. Get up" Uncle Five ordered tersely.

"You can't make me!"

Uncle Diego proved him wrong by flinging a dagger towards his crotch as it buried itself deep into the couch between his legs. Theodore's eyes blew wide at the action and he was reminded of a certain incident which-shall-not-be named involving his mother, a metal ruler and his social studies teacher. "Then again, a little exercise couldn't hurt" Uncle Klaus sighed, defeated.

"Theo?" Uncle Diego turned to his wide-eyed nephew.

"Coming!" Theodore squeaked, scampering from the room as if worried that the same thing would be done to him. Or worse.

* * *

The second trip to Jenkins' house was filled by the mutter of the crackling radio as it ominously played Nancy Sinatra's _'Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)'_ No words were exchanged as Uncle Five drove down Jenkins' pastel-painted street and pulled up in front of the familiar terracotta house. Moving inside, Theodore found that the remnants of their last excursion (the broken door window covered by blue tarpaulin & broken glass on the floor) remained scattered about the place. But it wasn't until they had stepped foot into the broken living room, that they came up short.

"It's not exactly what I was expecting" Uncle Klaus commented as the quartet studied the impaled form of Harold Jenkins lying dead on his living room floor. Several sharp items—kitchen knives, steak knives, scissors—and a few blunt items—spoons, pens—stuck out of his torso like the weirdest game of _'Operation'._

"Understatement of the year" Sassed Uncle Five.

"No sign of Vanya"

"Let's get outta here before the cops come" Uncle Diego suggested, turning to herd everyone back outside.

"In a minute" Uncle Five excused, stepping up next to the body of Vanya's ex-boyfriend as he plucked a glass eye— _"Who carries a glass eye around with them?!"—_ from his pocket before peeling off the gauze taped over Jenkins' socket and pushed it inside.

"C'me Five, what are you—?" Uncle Diego gagged as the eye slipped easily passed the lids.

"Eurgh! Wow!" Uncle Klaus sang.

"Same eye colour, same pupil size" Uncle Five analysed. "Guys this is it! The eye I've been carrying around for decades—its found its rightful home…"

"Mama was the worst taste…" Theodore muttered as Uncle Five pulled the glass eye back out and slipped the bloody thing back in his blazer pocket.

"We got the guy we needed to stop the Apocalypse…" Uncle Diego clarified.

"Yay!" Uncle Klaus cheered weakly. "Let's go!"

"No, no—wait! Wait!" Uncle Five cut in as Uncle Diego stopped Uncle Klaus from escaping, "It can't be this easy! This is the note I got from the Commission, the one that says: _PROTECT HAROLD JENKINS—_ aka, Leonard Peabody. But _who_ killed him? _Who_ did this?"

"You don't think it was Mama, do you?" Theodore proposed, "I mean she _did_ neuter my social studies teacher with a metal ruler—"

"—What?!" Uncle Klaus spluttered at the image painted for him.

"—But to kill someone? Mama wouldn't do that" Theodore furiously shook his head as if to physically shake the thought away. However another thought lingered— _did the mind wipe do damage than originally thought? And if so, what else has changed?_


	28. What Now?

Seated atop the bar countertop in the sparkliest red halter top (likely taken from his sister's wardrobe) her husband had managed to find, Delores nursed her lime green margarita with gentle hands as Five plopped himself on the barstool next to her. His father's memorial photo still lay off to the side, scattered amongst the various ingredients lining the marble bench and the unsealed blender remained within arms reach—she'd barely managed to convince him not stick a straw in and drink straight from it.

Returning from the mysterious errand he had run that morning with his brothers and nephew, Five had searched the large house for Vanya, his little sister, and upon coming up short had smashed his beloved glass eye against the wall in a fit of rage. Of course, it may have also been the result of the blunt words shared between her husband and his brother that led to said broken eye. Either way, Delores had greeted him with a gentle smile and a shoulder to cry on—which in turn, had led to margaritas.

"Well" He sighed, gazing at her with the same brown eyes she'd fallen in love with all those years ago. "Do you think we really did it? Think we actually stopped the Apocalypse?"

"…" Delores didn't reply—not that she could either way—instead, she just sat there listening as Five filled the empty space with mindless chatter.

"Now what?" He slurped. "I dunno…I'm open to suggestions"

**_KNOCK KNOCK!_ **

"I'll get it" He grunted slipping from the barstool and meandering over to the front door. Delores didn't have to wait long before Five returned with an old co-worker, Hazel, in tow. If she were normal, Delores would likely be rather upset that Hazel had a gun trained on her husband; but as it was this had become their new normal. Guns, death & threats—what joy! "…Are you here to kill me?"

"Oh shit! Sorry! Old habits!" Hazel apologised as he tucked the firearm away in his waistband and Five returned to his seat. Delores just sat back and watched, twirling the little cocktail umbrella swimming in her margarita as she did so, content to watch how things would play out. "Though I can understand why you might feel that way, y'know…"

"Well, you attacked our house, tried to kill my family & kidnapped my brother"

"Look there's not much I can do about the past, I'm not the only killer in this room—you got your own bloody history, pal!" Delores bristled at the accusations thrown at her husband—no matter how true they were, he didn't need to rub it in his face. "Speaking of which, the job you did in Calhoun—that shit's legendary! Can't believe I'm sittin' here talkin' to you, after all—" Hazel gushed, still standing in the middle of the room.

"—Why're you here Hazel?" Five interrupted. Apparently he too had grown tired of the man's mood swings and fangirling.

"Well, I'm, y'know—"

Hazel wasn't able to get the rest of his sentence out as Diego launched forth from the shadows and drop-kicked the assassin to the floor despite her husband's weak protests. Flipping over the fallen man with as much flair as Five had always described him to flaunt, Diego began to beat the shit out of Hazel. Who, in turn, held back slightly in fear of Five's wrath should he take things the wrong way. Or at least that's what Delores thought was happening—to be honest she didn't really care much for the rough-housing of men.

"Y'know before you kill him, you might want to hear what he has to—" Five protested weakly as Diego engaged Hazel in a petty fight. "—Say"

"I'm gonna _kill_ you for what you did to Patch!" Diego decreed, palming a dagger as he ignored Five's comments.

"Hey—!" Hazel briefly turned to Five for assistance before jumping out of the way of the oncoming blade as it slashed at his torso.

"Or don't" Five snarked as he leant back against the bar and slurped at his margarita. "See how that goes"

"Are you gonna—?" Hazel gasped as he backed away from the enraged man.

 _"Come on!"_ Diego snarled, slamming the dagger into Hazel's thigh where it became buried up to the hilt in his flesh.

"Ooh!" Five hissed in sympathy. "That's gotta hurt"

This seemed to be the breaking point for Hazel as he easily pushed Diego off of him and yanked the dagger from his thigh before he soon began giving back the punches that were thrown. Five seemed content to just sit back and watch the two lug it out; at least until Diego wrapped himself around Hazel's torso and dug his teeth into his ear, biting down hard as the large man swung around, trying to dislodge him.

**_CRASH!_ **

"I draw the line at biting" Five explained as he limped back over to the bar after blinking above the pair and smashing a crystalline vase over his brother's head, knocking him out cold. "Hazel, whatever you came here to say, I suggest you make it quick before he comes 'round"

"I left my partner, quit the Commission & came to volunteer!" Hazel rushed out.

"Volunteer? For what?" Five asked as he reclaimed his seat & margarita.

"To help stop the Apocalypse"

"Hm" Five chuckled as Hazel brushed the last of the glass of his shoulders.

"What on earth could be son funny to you right now?"

"Before I answer that, why do you wanna help us?"

"…Let's just say I have a vested interest in a donut shop"

"Well, I hate to break it to you, pal, but you're a day late & a dollar short. The fact that you're here means that without a shadow of a doubt that the Apocalypse is over"

"Really? How do you know?"

"The mark is dead—found him this morning. You were the last unknown left in the equation"

"Shit…really?"

"Mmhm…" Five hummed, gesturing for Hazel to sit next to him & join him for a drink. "And if you're out, then Hellrider ain't riding"

"Oh!" Hazel breathed a sigh of relief, his shoulders slumping as if a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. "All right"

Delores watched on disdainfully as Hazel joined them at the bar and then proceeded to drink straight from the blender, just as she had dissuaded Five from doing only moments before. "So…now what?" Hazel sighed.

"Well to be honest, I don't know" Five admitted, finding with his straw. "Been chasing this thing for so long, I never really thought about the day after…I dunno, what about you?"

"I'm done with all this madness, time to start over. Yous should do the same"

"That's easier said than done"

"It doesn't have to be hard—I mean, think about like this, if you never time travelled, you never got caught up with the Handler what would've happened?"

"…I guess I would've grown up to be an emotionally stunted man-child just like everyone else around here" Five replied, sparing a glance over his shoulder at his brother still knocked-out on the floor.

"Well" Hazel blinked dumbly, "There you go—now you can grow up"

Just as Hazel was about to depart, her nephew arrived. Shuffling into the room dressed in plaid-patterned pants that were inside out with sewing pins decorating the seams and a silver dress shirt that was pinned together with a purple and navy striped bow tie. Stopping at Diego's feet, Theodore's brows furrowed in confusion as he spared a question glance towards the two men at the bar. "Did you kill uncle?" He pointed towards the unmoving body on the floor framed by shards of glass.

"No, he was being an ass" Hazel replied as the two old colleagues spun to face the teen.

"Oh" Theodore replied dumbly. "Okay" He then turned to Hazel with nostrils flared as the look of confusion was soon replaced with recognition as his blue eyes roved over the time-travelling assassin.

"What is it?" Hazel asked, shifting under the gaze of the brown-haired teen.

"Just…weren't you laughing at a poster the other day?"

"What?"

"Well, you were high as a kite—"

"Er…"

"—Course it still wasn't as weird as the guy on the subway the other day—"

"What?" Five asked, his brows pinching in confusion as he perked up at his nephew's offhanded comments.

"—Weird branding by the way, who wears animal masks with suits?" Theodore continued on as if he hadn't heard his uncle. "Well, I s'pose there's masquerade balls…"

"Back up, back up—what are you talking about?" Hazel waved.

"Oh yeah, there was a guy on the subway a couple days back—same suit and everything—'cept he was wearing this pig mask—"

"—Dennis!"

"Whatever you say—Spongebob was certainly giving it to him, though" Theodore shrugged before turning back to the uncle at his feet, effectively dismissing any further inquiries as he did so.

Delores watched on amusedly as Theodore then bent down and grabbing a hold of his uncle's ankles and dragged him off of the thin Egyptian rug that lay there. Once clear of the rug, said item was then rolled back and the hidden trapdoor beneath, was hauled open. "What are you doing?" Five questioned as Theodore jumped into the dark hole, and subsequently inhaled one of the many dust clouds lingering beneath.

"Nana needs the rest of her pins from her other sewing kit—" Theodore coughed, his voice floating out of the dark hole. "—so she can take in one of Grandfather's suits for me"

"Why do you need one of Dad's suits?"

" 'Cause Mama's got her concert tonight and 'pparently it's not a jeans and t-shirt kinda deal"

"Vanya's concert?" Five strode over to the hole and tried to peer inside, doing his best not to spill his margarita.

"Yeah, she made first chair"

"Hm"

"How can you even see in there?" Hazel asked, joining Five by the trapdoor.

"What do you mean?" Theodore replied, tilting his head back to look at the two. Two eerily blue eyes glowed from the dark depths like torches in the night.

"Je—Jesus!" Hazel cursed, jolting in fright at the alien eyes staring back at him. Five just huffed a laugh and blinked away, likely to fetch more limes or ice for their cocktails.

"Heh, kend!" Theodore laughed, before disappearing back into the depths of the small room beneath the floor. The sound of boxes being shifted and plastic/paper bags being rustled as they were moved out of the way, floated upwards. "Dauöe ovinr en raedumr ór barne!"

"I—I am _not_ a wuss!" Hazel spluttered indignantly, somehow able to understand the foreign words spoken by her nephew.

"You—you know Loric?" Theodore puzzled as he jumped out of the shadows, carrying an old sewing kit under one arm. Delores snorted at the multiple cobwebs decorating his fluffy curls as he replaced the door & rug.

"Not much" Hazel admitted, flinching back only slightly when the teen easily alighted back on the main floor. "I had a colleague who was Loric"

"Huh" Her nephew hummed, looking at the tubby man in a new light. "Well, if that's the case, I should probably let you know that there was a hunting party in town not too long ago & I wouldn't put it passed them to send another"

"Shit—" Hazel paled slightly as he all but collapsed onto the barstool behind him, apparently aware of their shared enemy's MO. "You sure? How long ago?"

"Uh, 'bout two days, give or take"

"And what about yourself?"

"Uh, I'm gonna hang 'round for another day & then disappear—just spend my birthday with my folks, y'know"

"Mm, well, thanks—thanks for letting me know" Hazel farewelled.

"Your welcome" Theodore shrugged before disappearing back up the stairs with sewing kit in hand as Five chose that moment to slip back in from the shadows with a bag of limes in one hand and a look of contemplation written across his features.

"Hazel—!" Five called, catching his colleague before he could disappear. "One more thing before you go"

"Shoot" Hazel replied, brow quirked.

"Which one of you is the triggerman for Detective Patch?"

"Trigger _woman"_

"Mm—that's too bad, her gun could've cleared my brother's name"

"Well" Hazel sighed, pulling out two pairs of firearms from his waistband and placed them on the bar. "Today's your lucky day, Amigo. Take 'em both, I'm _done_ with this life"

* * *

Three margaritas later, Diego _finally_ roused from his slumber with a groan and a curse. "Good" Five hummed, nonchalantly slipping at his cocktail as his brother jumped to his feet. "You're up, ready for a drink now?"

"Where is he?!" Diego demanded, looking around for Hazel who had left long ago.

"I let him go"

"You _what?!"_

"Now that the Apocalypse is over, it's time for the fighting to _stop"_ This didn't seem to be the answer that Diego was looking for however as he bent to retrieve the knife embedded in the floor. "Hey! He didn't kill Patch! His partner Cha-Cha did!"

"So _what?_ They were _both_ there that night!"

"Well _this_ half of the partnership gave me _both_ of their guns. Which'll clear you because the ballistics will match Patch's crime scene" Five explained as Diego seemed to deflate at his words. "Hazel came here looking for a way out—he wanted a fresh start and he happened to have in his possession the _one_ thing that could do our family a little good. So it's time to move on"

"Not a chance!" Diego growled, staring at the firearms on the counter.

"Suit yourself" Five sighed as he turned to pick up Delores, cradling her close. "But I am curious, your girlfriend Patch, what'd you like about her?"

"…A lot of things" Diego turned to watch them leave. "…Cute butt, nice legs"

"Anything a little more _profound_ than that?" Five asked, almost offended on Patch's behalf. It made Delores' chest puff with pride at her husband's rebuttal.

"…She believed in people, no matter how much _shit_ and _filth_ she saw on the streets—she _always_ saw the good inside"

"Well, I'm sure she'll be proud to know your killing Hazel & Cha-Cha is a way to honour her memory"

* * *

The return to _Gimble Brothers' Thrift Store_ was bittersweet, riding around in the stolen duffle bag amongst the clutter of empty vodka bottles and rumpled scraps of paper—bit of a downgrade from the little wagon or van she was used to. As it was, Delores was just glad to spend the last few moments with her husband; well aware that the new and solemn expression he wore the entire way there had less to do with her, and more to do with something that Hazel had said.

"Hey there" Five greeted softly as he placed the duffle bag down on the display and pulled her out of the bag with loving fingers. Delores continued to smile softly as Five placed her back on the bare pedestal amongst her friends and family, beneath the glittering lights of the thrift store. Few eyes glanced their way, but quickly moved on as Five silently caressed her cheek in a rare show of affection.

"Bet it feels good to be back, amongst your friends" Five started, shoving his fisted hands into his school boy shorts as he stumbled through the goodbye. "It's okay, you don't have to say it—we always were an unlikely pair" Despite everything that they had gone through, Delores couldn't help but wonder what kind of relationship they would have had if there hadn't been an Apocalypse to begin with—would they have even met in the first place? Would he even have loved her? Would she still be his wife?

"This isn't—this isn't easy for me Delores and I—" He choked on his words, turning away as he tried to hide his misty eyes. "—I want you to know that I cherish every single minute I ever shared with you…all 23 and a half million of them…a lifetime" Her heartstrings were pulled tights as Five turned to discreetly wipe away the tears dripping down his cheeks and she desired nothing more than to wrap him in her arms. "And now look at us, we're lucky enough to get a second one…y'know Hazel's right, I do have a lot of growing up to do"

Laughing wetly, Five locked his longing gaze with Delores, those big brown eyes glazed with tears and she felt her heart swell with love. "I'll never—never forget you Delores" Seated atop the pedestal in the sparkliest red halter top (taken from his sister's wardrobe) her husband had managed to find, Delores nursed her longing heart with gentle hands as Five disappeared down the thrift store aisle with slightly trembling shoulders, leaving her behind without sparing a single glance back.


	29. Bring the House Down

Although having come out of his shell a fair bit over the past week, Theodore still wasn't quite used to the attentive nature of his extended family—including his robotic Nana. But as daylight dripped into evening, he found himself curled up in an old leather armchair with a book in hand and a blanket over his shoulders (despite the roaring space heater running along the wall) as Nana sat at the vintage sewing machine across the room, tapering the black plaid-patterned suit for him in a far corner of the house.

The bowtie he wore was fashioned from his school tie and hung loosely around the neck of his unbuttoned silver dress shirt. With his lower half clad in nothing but his UFO-patterned boxer-briefs and rainbow-striped socks, only his toes peered out into the light and tapped along to the songs crackling out of the radio on the windowsill behind him. Accompanied by the steady beat of the sewing machine and the music of Creedence Clearwater's _'Bad Moon Rising'_ (he'd been rather surprised to discover Nana's penchant for the music; comparing the calming nature of rock to that of classical music).

Theodore easily lost himself in the pages of _'The Sunshine Cruise Company'_ and John Niven's words were easily devoured as he flipped through the satirical novel **.** All in all, the atmosphere of small room was warm, inviting and something he had sorely missed over the course of the past harried week. Just as the song hit the chorus, a small earthquake rattled the windows, making Theodore glance up from the pages in worry. Although concern was etched into his features, Nana remained seated and unbothered by the occurrence; even dismissing it with a bounce of her blonde curls and a twitch of her red lips. When the shaking stopped not soon after, Theodore returned to his book, content in the knowledge that he was safe.

* * *

Not an hour later after Nana had moved from tapering the pants to the jacket, Theodore—now clad in the suit pants & suspenders combo—heard an almighty crash sound from somewhere in the house. A sound which was soon followed by the house rattling on its foundations again, only this time the shakes were far worse than the first. The lyrics of Quiet Riot's _'Cum on Feel the Noize'_ followed the teen as he fell from the chair and scrambled over to Nana who had moved over to the dancing window with a serene smile on her lips. "Is something wrong, dear?"

"Nana!" Theodore cried, clinging onto the edge of the desk with one hand as his other gripped to her elbow. "Nana—Nana! We have to go!"

"So impatient!" She chuckled jovially as web-like cracks ran the length of the ceiling; completely unaware of their situation as she peeled his hand off of her. "Your suit's almost done, dear"

"Nana, _please!"_ Theodore pleaded, _"We have to_ _go!"_

"Why don't you go and get something to eat, hm?" She suggested, now shooing him towards the door and down the stairs. "I'll be along soon to make dinner. Go on, go on" Guilt roiled in his gut as Theodore tumbled down the stairs with a yelp, only just narrowly missing a chunk of ceiling as Nana returned to the sewing machine with vacant eyes and serene smile painted on her lips

 _"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!"_ Loren roared as Theodore flew down the stairs, only just ducking underneath lumps of flying rubble and soaring debris in his attempt to escape from the crumbling house.

"HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW?!" Theodore replied as he was nicked by a piece of debris, slicing a thin line along his forehead that began to dribble blood into his eye even as the cut glowed blue mended itself. Loralite bled from his hands and feet as he stumbled and swayed through the crumbling house, only stopping when he was able to catch himself on one of the many marble pillars that lined the living room.

 _"Is that…?"_ Loren breathed in disbelief.

"Mama…!" Theodore whimpered, staring wide-eyed and fearful at the scene before him. It appeared that Vanya had reappeared at some point, and was now tearing the house seam from seam with the latent powers that she likely only just (re)discovered. Her once chocolate-brown iris' now shone an eery white—one far brighter than any star—and her skin had paled to such a sickly pale colour that it appeared almost alien. Her brown locks floated about in a breeze that Theodore could not feel, but in the power that he could see and hear.

"Miss Vanya!" Gruncle Pogo scolded, unsteadily racing into the room with a certain amount of bravery that Theodore did not have. "That's quite enough!"

Instantaneously the house stilled in its shaking as Mama prowled towards Gruncle like a predator on the hunt. As she turned to face Gruncle Pogo, Theodore was overcome with memories of an incident at the School where the Deans had tried to extract the Legacies from the Garde and place them into the Mogadorian younglings. The haunted husks and glassy eyes that remained of the first Garde younglings would be forever burnt into his skull; and in that moment—that terrifyingly real moment—Mama appeared as the mirror image of the Headmaster as the first of the Augments walked free. Tall, foreboding and radiating with power. It made his heart race, made it hurt at how quickly things had gone wrong.

"Miss Vanya" Gruncle tried again, leaning heavily on his cane as Theodore shamefully hid behind the pillar with his heart pounding in his chest. It didn't matter that her memories of him were gone; he still retained his own and no child _ever_ wants to know that they really had been loving them through rose-tinted glasses. "I understand how upset you are, but I can assure you that _none_ of your siblings bare _any_ responsibilities for what happened to you as a child"

"Did you know?" Mama asked, her voice soft as she came to a stop mere feet away from Gruncle & Theodore's hiding place.

"You're father discovered that you were capable of great things…much like your brothers and sister, but your powers were…too great" Gruncle implored, seemingly stalling for time as he choked out the words. "He only wanted to protect you from yourself…as well as your siblings"

"Did. You. Know?" Mama reiterated.

"…Yes, Miss Vanya, I did"

Dread pooled in Theodore's stomach as the house began to rattle again, the cracks appearing faster now as Gruncle was yanked into the air with a jerk of Mama's head. Clinging to the cracking pillar, Theodore couldn't help the fear that flooded his mind as his heart became wracked with guilt— _"Did—did I do that? Did I make her forget everything?"—_ and the shaking of the house bled into his limbs.

"Ma—Mama?" Theodore whimpered coming out from behind the pillar as he watched Gruncle fly down the room and become lodged in the antlers mounted above the mantle like Jesus on the cross. Misty-eyed and terrified, Theodore shuffled out from beneath the cracking archway as he watched the blood drip from the open wounds piercing through Gruncle's chest. "Mama, what's—what's going on?" He implored as Mama turned from watching Gruncle as he died to the teen shaking behind her.

"I am _not_ your mother!" Mama snarled, her lips pulled back as the house rattled around them.

"Mama—!" He pleaded, tears now blurring his vision and dripping down his face as he tried to understand what was going on.

"I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER AND YOU ARE NOT MY SON!"

"Mama—! _Please!"_ Although logically, he knew that in her mind the two of them weren't related in any way, shape or form, it still cut him deep to know that she thought that way.

"STOP SAYING THAT! MY SON IS _DEAD!"_ Tears mixed with snot as Theodore's shaking limbs suddenly folded in on themselves as Loren took hold and Mama furiously swiped a hand at him, sending a wave of immense power meant to kill. Loralite exploded across his flesh, hiding him away as he curled up into a ball and painfully wailed like his heart had been torn out. All around him, the shaking of the house grew to a crescendo until finally the structure gave out and it too, came down around him.

* * *

He awoke in darkness much as he had for eight years, and in that one brief moment where the pain had yet to reach him and the warm vestiges of sleep tugged at his bones, Theodore felt like he was home. Back in his bed, tucked beneath his many blankets on a typical schooldays morning. That was until the smell of smoke filtered through his senses and a deep aching pain clenched at his heart. Blue eyes snapped open and he was met with the sight of loralite colouring his vision blue from the crystal arms wrapped around his head.

Loren—still in control—then used their loralite-clad limbs to heave the large piece of concrete atop them and moved it far enough off of their backs so they could scramble out into the open. It was only once Theodore had shimmied out of a small cranny next to a broken bookcase, did the loralite fall away and he regained control of his limbs. So consumed in his emotions, Theodore could only sit and cough as he tried to retch up the dust and debris lodged in his lungs; forever grateful of the sentient rock that had saved his—their lives.

Absentmindedly, he recognised the sound of nearby shouting as the voices of his uncles, but he was far too consumed with the effort of trying to stop shaking and the visage of his mother, than he was of anything else. "…C'me 'ere! Help me search!" Uncle Diego wept.

"Diego—stop!" Uncle Klaus tried, "Stop"

"What are you—lemme go!"

"Stop! Stop! Stop!"

"What are you doing?!"

"Stop! She's gone! She's—she's gone, okay? She's…"

"What do you wanna do? You w-w-w-wanna walk away from this?"

"…No"

"What about Theodore or Pogo?"

"We go—should we—we should—should go…" Theodore stumbled to his feet as heard his uncles despair. The words tumbling from his mouth were stunted and out of place, but he knew that Loren knew what he meant. Tumbling over a loose piece of rubble, he picked his way over to the worried voices gathered amongst rubble.

"Teddy…?" Uncle Klaus breathed as Theodore appeared around the corner, still coughing against the dust and lump lodged in his throat.

"Un—uncle?" Theodore coughed, glancing up misty-eyed to see that both Uncles Diego & Klaus were standing close together amongst the grave of their childhood home.

"THEO!" Uncle Diego cried as he scrabbled over the mess to quickly envelop the shaky teen in a tight hug, holding him close.

"Oof!" Theodore gasped at the sudden impact of the hug, but leant into his uncle as he tried to calm his shaky limbs and wildly beating heart.

"Are you hurt?" Uncle Diego quickly pulled back from the hug to check his nephew for injuries, quickly noticing the dried blood peppering his forehead from the cut that had already healed over. "Are you okay?"

"Mama—she just…but why would she—? I don't understand—! What's going on?!" Theodore blubbered as Uncle Klaus appeared over Uncle Diego's shoulder with the same concern and worry inscribed on his features. "She killed Gruncle and—and Nana and—she said—she—she didn't want me anymore, and—and—! _Why_ would she do that?"

"What?" Uncle Klaus questioned as Uncle Diego pulled Theodore back into a hug.

"Vanya killed him" Uncle Luther clarified, coming around the corner with Auntie Allison in tow as Theodore silently wept into his Uncle's chest.

"But Vanya wouldn't—" Uncle Diego protested, his grip tightening on his nephew as the pair of them used each other as something to ground them.

"No, I saw it—just before we got out"

"First Mom, now Pogo…"

The remaining Hargreeves family members slumped against each other and the piles of rumble despondently as the news sunk in that their littlest and most timid had in fact torn their family and home to shreds. The heavy silence was only broken by the frantic calls of Uncle Five as he scrambled over the piles of rubble with a fresh newspaper in his hand. "Guys—oof! Guys!" Uncle Five called, making everyone turn to him. "This is it! The Apocalypse is still on! The world ends today!"

"I thought you said it was over!" Uncle Luther angrily retorted as Theodore stepped out of the hug to wipe away his tears; his fears now replaced by disbelief at the idea that he might still die before his seventeenth birthday.

"I was wrong, okay?" Uncle Five admitted patronisingly, "This newspaper is the one I found in the future the day I got stuck—the headline hasn't changed!"

"No, that can't mean anything!" Uncle Diego denied. "Time could've been altered since that newspaper came out this morning"

"You're not _listening_ to me! When I found it, I assumed this place came down along with everything else, but here we are. The moon's still shining, the earth's still in one piece but _not the academy!"_

"I'm so confused!" Uncle Klaus snatched the newspaper from his hand as Uncle Diego collapsed heavily on an outcropping piece of rubble behind him.

"Then _listen to me, you idiot!_ Vanya destroys the academy _before_ the Apocalypse…I thought Harold Jenkins was the cause, but he was the fuse! Vanya is the bomb!"

"Are—are you saying that Ma—Mama causes the Apocalypse?" Theodore choked out, still not quite sure what to believe.

"Yes" Uncle Five nodded gravely, asserting his worst fears.

"We have to find her" Uncle Luther mumbled, far more concerned about the end of the world than his sister.

Before any more could be said, helicopters appeared overhead and spotlights shone down, blinding them from above. "We gotta go now!" Uncle Diego jumped to his feet at the sound of the whirring blades.

"Regroup at the _Superstar"_ Uncle Luther ordered, shooing the family off into different directions as they scattered like mice."Go! Now!"

"C'me on Teddy!" Uncle Klaus called as he picked up the unsuspecting teen and threw him over his shoulder.

"Eep!" Theodore yelped as he was chucked into a fireman's carry and transported away from the scene of the crime. The last thing he saw was the ripple of blue tearing into space as Uncle Five teleported away.


	30. Bowl Me!

**_1 April 2019_ **

Predictably, Uncle Five was the first to arrive at the bowling alley, soon followed by Uncle Diego and Uncle Klaus with Theodore in tow. Upon reaching the bowling alley, both Theodore and his uncle shuffled over to the counter to exchange their sneakers for a pair of bowling shoes—or at least that was the case for Uncle Klaus. Since Theodore hadn't been wearing shoes when the house collapsed, only (now _very_ tattered) socks, he had only the bowling shoes to wear. Something that made the stocky manager suspicious as he handed over the red, white and blue shoes to the well-dressed teen. Uncle Luther & Auntie Allison arrived not too soon after.

Thankfully, the bowling alley was sparsely populated with the only other lane being occupied by a birthday party; something which allowed the Hargreeves to chat amongst themselves without fear of being overheard or interrupted. "…Look" Uncle Luther spoke up, disrupting the awkward silence that had encompassed them since Theodore had tucked his feet under him, sitting cross-legged atop the table/bowling ball rack. "I hate to be the one to say this, but everyone needs to prepare"

"For _what?"_ Uncle Diego demanded.

"To do whatever it takes to stop Vanya"

"Tss!" Auntie hissed painfully as she smacked him with her notepad, still unable to properly communicate.

"We may not have a choice, Allison!"

"That's funny" Theodore snarled, his voice still hoarse from crying as he narrowed his eyes at his large uncle. "'Cause just the other day you said that there's always a choice. Why is _yours_ murder?"

"Yeah, well what else are we supposed to do?" Uncle Five retorted, turning in his seat to face him.

"You'd kill your own _sister?_ My _mother?"_

"To save a billion others—"

"—Look" Uncle Luther interrupted. "Whatever we decide we need to find Vanya and fast, okay? She could be anywhere"

"Or here" Uncle Klaus replied, gesturing with the newspaper he had snatched from the table. "Look at this"

"That's right" Uncle Diego agreed as they peered over his shoulder at the large ad in the paper. Theodore glared at both of them, betrayal burning in his eyes. "Her concert is tonight. She—"

"—Hello!" Chirped one of the _Superstar_ employees as she sauntered over to the group with a nervous smile and tense shoulders. "I hate to intrude, but my manager says if you're not gonna bowl, you gotta leave"

"Who's turn is it?" Uncle Diego sighed sarcastically.

"Oh for—!" Uncle Luther plucked a pink bowling bowl from the rack and chucked it aimlessly over his shoulder. Theodore could only watch as the heavy ball bounced over two lanes before knocking down a strike, and all the while Uncle Luther kept his gaze locked on the tubby manager behind the counter.

 _'SHE'S OUR SISTER!'_ Auntie swung the pad around to Uncle Luther, who was not to be persuaded.

"We're the only ones capable of stopping this" Uncle Luther refused. "We have a responsibility to Dad"

"To _Dad?!_ I've had enough— _"_ Uncle Diego spun around, incredulous. To be fair, Theodore agreed with him. _Fuck Grandfather—he's dead! Help Mama!_

"—He sacrificed _everything_ to bring us back together"

"I'm with Luther on this one" Uncle Five agreed. "We can't give her chance to fight back. There are _billions_ of lives at stake—we're passed trying to save just one"

"Tch" Theodore slid from the tabletop and made to leave.

 _"Where_ do you think you're going?" Uncle Luther snapped around, trying to intimidate his nephew into staying. But Theodore had had enough.

"I can't just sit here and listen to you plan my _mother's murder"_ Theodore snarled menacingly as he turned to leave again, he paused to double-back."Y'know you've been going on about family for the last week—should've known it was just another one of your lies. Mama was right, we shouldn't have come back in the first place" He paused to take in the startled, angry and guilty expressions plastered across their faces. "Maybe now you'll pull your heads outta your fucking asses and actually _listen_ for once in your miserable lives"

"Hey—!" Uncle Five tried to interrupt, offended by the comment.

"—But since the world's ending—probably not, right?" Theodore, cut-in, laughing coldly as he walked off, "Best. Birthday. _Ever"_

* * *

"Stupid, fucking, stupid—!" Theodore angrily muttered as he paced the men's room, fisting and under fisting his hands as he did so. The rage seemed to roll off of him in waves and animalistic growls fell from his lips as be paced like a caged animal. "Who do they think they are?! Murderous cunting FUCKS!"

 _"How were they ever superheroes?"_ Loren fuelled his fire as his veins bulged with loralite blue.

"It's no wonder Uncle Ben died! They don't give a _shit!_ At least we _wiped_ her mind—gave her, her life back, instead of fucking killing her! That would've been _so_ much easier!"

_"You wouldn't have gone through with it, though"_

"Of course not! Who in their right mind thinks _killing their mother_ is a _sound plan?!"_ Theodore swung back around to face one of the long mirror running the length of the wall. In a fit of pure anger, he slammed his knuckles into the glass, shattering it in his rage. "They're just—FUCK!"

Sliding down the far wall, his head fell to his chest as he fisted angry hands into his curly locks. Over the years, Theodore had found that in heightened moments of emotion, his powers had the tendency to go a little haywire. This time was no different. As his hands fisted into his brown curls, the toilets and sinks on either side began to rattle, spilling water everywhere. Tiles danced in place and the pipes groaned within the walls as Theodore fell victim to his anger. The mess of the bathroom soon turning into a whirling mess of tiles and broken porcelain as they surrounded him like he was the eye of the storm.

Absentmindedly, he recognised the same buzzing he'd been hearing for the passed week whenever he was around Uncle Klaus, but the man wasn't there and it wasn't like he could hear anything over the blood roaring his ears nor the anger singing in his heart. Frustrated tears welled up in his eyes and trailed down his cheeks as it became all too much for the distraught teen to handle. That was until Loren began to croon in his ear, the Loric making the familiar tune sound almost foreign.

_"I walked across an empty land  
_ _I knew the pathway like the back of my hand  
_ _I felt the earth beneath my feet  
_ _Sat by the river and it made me complete  
_ _Oh simple thing, where have you gone?  
_ _I'm getting tired and I need something to rely on"_

Theodore felt his fist slowly unclench from his hair at the familiar tune—the one his mother used to use as a lullaby. The anger slowly began to ebb, as did the panic that had set in with the loss of control.

_"I came across fallen tree  
_ _I felt the branches of it looking at me  
_ _Is this the place we use to love?  
_ _Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?  
_ _Oh simple thing, where have you gone?  
_ _I'm getting old and I need something to rely on"_

Loren's singing voice left a lot to be desired, but Theodore wasn't complaining, he knew that his friend was just trying to calm him down. It didn't matter that the world was going to end, or that his aunt and uncles were planning to kill his mother, all that mattered was he didn't accidentally blow up the bathroom (again).

_"And if you have minute, why don't we go  
_ _Talk about it somewhere only we know?  
_ _This could be the end of everything  
_ _So why don't we go somewhere only we know?  
_ _Somewhere only we know"_

Letting out the breath he didn't know he was holding, Theodore slowly raised his head as the tornado of bathroom supplies surrounding him fell uselessly to the floor. The events of the day had completely drained the boy and he wanted nothing more than to curl up and forget that it had happened—that he would wake up tomorrow and it would've all been a bad dream.

_"Oh simple thing, where have you gone?  
_ _I'm getting old and I need someone to rely on  
_ _So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
_ _I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin"_

The broken toilets and sinks continued to spurt water even as Theodore let go, his frustrated tears turning to ones of grief as he cried harder at the lullaby used to calm him from the tantrum that had raged through him.

_"And if you have minute, why don't we go  
_ _Talk about it somewhere only we know?  
_ _This could be the end of everything  
_ _So why don't we go somewhere only we know?  
_ _Somewhere only we know"_

* * *

After what seemed like an eternity when Theodore deemed himself okay enough to leave the broken bathroom, he emerged from the bathroom and shuffled back over to where the rest of his family had been earlier—or he would have, had the bowling lanes not been deserted. "They left…" Theodore murmured in disbelief, rubbing at red tear-stained eyes as he tried to find them. "I can't believe it…"

"GET DOWN!" Uncle Luther ordered as he popped out from behind one of the tables.

"What—?" Theodore furrowed his brow in confusion as he shuffled over to the table.

"THEO, GET DOWN!" Uncle Diego reiterated as Theodore suddenly noticed the rapid gunfire going on around him.

"Oh shit!" Theodore half-dropped and was half-yanked to the floor by Auntie Allison as a bullet narrowly missed his head. Tucked behind the chairs for that lane, loralite crystals bled from his flesh in sporadic clumps as he tried to protect himself from the ongoing gunfire alongside Auntie & Uncle Klaus.

"WHO THE HELL ARE THESE GUYS?!" Uncle Diego demanded as he sheltered in next to Uncle Luther.

"MAYBE THEY'RE HERE FOR KENNY'S BIRTHDAY?" Uncle Klaus suggested with hand clamped firmly over his ears.

 _"Who?"_ Loren shared his confusion.

"NO, I'M PRETTY SURE THEY'RE HERE FOR US" Uncle Luther replied as a couple of bowling balls next to his head were shattered.

Bullets chipped away at all they could reach—including the loralite protruding from Theodore—as the masked gunmen tried to take them out of the equation. In the small opening given, Uncle Diego jumped to his feet with determination written in his eyes and flung a dagger towards one of the gunmen, who collapsed backwards into the stereo behind him. As Bay City Rollers' _'Saturday Night'_ blared through the speakers, the bowling alley went into party mode and they took the chance to fight back.

_S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!  
_ _S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!  
_ _S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!  
_ _S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!_

Uncle Luther launched bowling ball after bowling ball at the perps, knocking out one and dislodging another. At the same time, Uncle Klaus palmed the abandoned birthday cake (but not before taking a large bite out of the corner) and let it fly towards another masked gunman, blinding him with it. Uncle Diego knocked down two more, but the others continued to fire on them.

_Gonna keep on dancing  
_ _To the rock and roll  
_ _On Saturday night, Saturday night  
_ _Dancin' to the rhythm  
_ _In our heart and soul  
_ _On Saturday night, Saturday night_

As Uncle Klaus peered precariously over the tabletop, Theodore suddenly froze in place. His eyes blew impossibly wide and his body coiled tight like a wound spring as the familiar whirring of blades was accompanied the warm and tingling feeling of an identification drone. _"Not now!"_ Loren whined as the drone intoned its message loud and clear. "STUDENT 2419 IDENTIFIED. HOUSE: FRIJA. SAFE TO APPROACH. STUDENT 2419 IDENTIFIED. HOUSE: FRIJA. SAFE TO APPROACH" The message looped endlessly as Theodore remained frozen.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!" Uncle Klaus demanded, eyeing the drone above them.

"Oh God…" Theodore breathed as Auntie expression practically screamed WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

_I-I-I-I just can't wait  
_ _I-I-I-I gotta date!  
_ _At the gold ol' rock and roll  
_ _Folk show, I've gotta go!  
_ _Saturday night  
_ _Saturday night_

Cautiously peering around the side of the table, Theodore felt his insides go cold when he caught sight of the _Ragnor-Ra_ Mogadorians standing amongst the masked gunmen. "OhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGod!" He mumbled, quickly ducking behind the table (until he was practically sitting on top of Auntie Allison) when the gunfire was turned on him.

"STUDENT 2419 IDENTIFIED. HOUSE: FRIJA. SAFE TO APPROACH. STUDENT 2419 IDENTIFIED. HOUSE: FRIJA. SAFE TO APPROACH"

 _"DO SOMETHING!"_ Loren screeched.

"I'M THINKING!" Theodore replied, completely ignoring the odd looks he received. When his frantic eyes locked on the drone hovering above them, he quickly went into action and threw up his splayed hand towards the floating machinery.

_Gonna rock it up  
_ _Roll it up  
_ _Do it all, have a ball  
_ _Saturday night  
_ _Saturday night_

Taking the opportunity that Uncle Luther had provided, he jumped to his feet and telekinetically launched the drone back towards the door before dropping once more.

 _"They were scouts!"_ Loren panicked _"They were scouts! Oh Gods!"_

"That's a Dean!" Theodore panicked as he caught sight of the white coats of the scientific

Mogadorians emblazoned with the _Ragnor-Ra_ patch. "That's a Dean! It's a Dean! Oh, we are _so dead!"_

 _'WHAT WAS THAT?'_ Next to him, Auntie furiously tapped her pad, getting Theodore's attention to answer the question that was burning in all of their minds.

"Uh…" He squirmed. "Y'know how I said I, uh, didn't know what happened at Saint Gregorys?"

Auntie wordlessly nodded.

"Yeah, I lied"

_S-S-S-Saturday night  
_ _S-S-S-Saturday night  
_ _S-S-S-Saturday night  
_ _S-S-S-Saturday night_

Before Auntie could go to reply, Uncle Klaus called out. "THEY'RE BLOCKING THE EXIT!"

"SO WHAT'S THE PLAN NOW, LUTHER?" Uncle Diego added. Sparing another glance at the approaching Mogadorians, Theodore made up his mind. Sure the last time he had fought the Mogadorians things had ended well for him—depending on who you asked; but he had had help and not to mention they had only been Teachers & Scouts, not Deans. Deans were a whole other level—something apart from the rest of the _Ragnor-Ra_ staff and not to be trifled with. So with this in mind, Theodore decided to take his chances with the gunmen.

"Nope!" Theodore squeaked as loralite enveloped his fleeing frame and he booked it down the lanes, intent on making it out before he was recaptured. His uncles' chorused replies overlapped each other as he fled under a hailstorm of bullets.

"THEO!"

"HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!"

"THE LANES! LET'S GO!"

"AFTER HIM! GO! GO! GO!"

_S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!  
_ _S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!  
_ _S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!  
_ _S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y night!_


	31. Sing Me Sweet Symphonies

The brief sprint to the _Icarus Theatre_ would have been spent under intense fire from his aunt and uncles had they been able to catch up with his fast pace. As it was, he was able to evade their probing questions through a serious of abrupt shortcuts and alleyways—of course, this may have also had something to do with the large leathery chimaera chasing him through the streets (He was sure that its Mogadorian handlers weren't too far behind). "Chimaeras! Why is it _always_ chimaeras?!" Theodore was pretty sure that the stricken expression painted across his face had been permanently engraved upon his flesh as he bounded through the emergency exit.

Eventually he slid in through the back door where he hoped to confine the large beast within the small twists and turns of the theatre, or at the very least lose the horde of Mogadorians who had slipped from the large dark truck which had been following them for the last couple of blocks. After spending countless hours combing these halls as a child, Theodore knew it like the back of his hand; so when the inevitable gunfire from the chasing Mogadorians lit up the corridor, he wasted no time in ducking into one of the tiny greenrooms that lined the back of the theatre.

Theodore bit his lip as he felt the walls around him rattle as the chimaera squashed itself down the hallway, likely trying to find him as he hid amongst the countless bottles of opened hairspray and day-old sandwiches that piled high in the bins. It was only once the walls returned to their stationary position once more that he quietly let his breath hiss out between his teeth. _"Oh thank God!"_ Loren breathed as Theodore pressed an ear to the greenroom door.

"I think it's gone" Theodore whispered, cautiously creaking the door open and peering out. A glance up the hallway showed no chimaera or Mog in sight, but when he glanced down he was met with the barrel of a cocked gun and the devilish smirk of the very creatures he was trying to escape from.

 _"Nope"_ Loren squeaked as Theodore's eyes rose to met the inky black ones of the Mogadorian scout. _"Not gone"_

Two things happened at once: Theodore launched forward with loralite exploding from his flesh & tearing through the dress shirt he wore, his bow tie and suspenders fluttered to the ground as a clawed hand swiped at the alien's jugular. At the same time, the Mog buried the barrel of his gun deep in Theodore's chest and pulled the trigger.

**_BANG!_ **

Stumbling back slightly from the attack with a growl of pain, Theodore quickly discovered that the loralite had thankfully enveloped him quick even to stop the bullet before it reached his heart; instead burying the red laser ammunition deep in the glittering blue where it glowed like fireflies in the dark. A small thud caught in front of him was how he discovered that Mogadorian he had swiped at was now a pile of ash on the floor—only his gun and clothe remained behind. "Hey Loren?" Theodore proposed as he bent to pluck the identification ring from the ashy ground.

 _"Yeah?"_ Loren replied.

"I've got a crazy, stupid idea" He fiddled with the ring, turning it over in his hands as a smirk twitched at his lips.

 _"You're insane"_ Loren deadpanned.

"Thank you"

_"Then let's go wild!"_

Tracking down the rest of the Mogadorian hunting party was much easier than it should've been, or the more likely scenario was that they had more superior equipment to use as opposed to him. But that didn't mean they couldn't be defeated—in fact, if this worked, he would only have the chimaera left to worry about.

Gripping tight to the handbag he'd nicked from the greenroom in one hand and the Mogadorian ring in the other, Theodore stalked towards the gathered Mogs, who stood ready and waiting with their firearms trained on him. The one in front—clearly the leader—raised a silent fist as the identification drone hovering over his shoulder came and scanned the teen. "STUDENT 2419 IDENTIFIED. HOUSE: FRIJA. SAFE TO APPROACH. STUDENT 2419 IDENTIFIED. HOUSE: FRIJA. SAFE TO APPROACH. STUDENT 2419 IDENTIFIED. HOUSE: FRIJA. SAFE TO APPRO—"

The leader grinned lecherously at him almost as if he could smell the teen'Drawing himself up, Theodore silently chucked the Mogadorian ring towards the horde as it he were making a peace offering. Again, the drone flew forward to scan the item in question. "SOLDIER 8096 IDENTIFIED. STATUS: UNKNOWN. SOLDIER 8096 IDENTIFIED. STATUS: UNKNO—" This time it was the human who grinned as the alien snarled, twisting his already nightmarish features into something truly horrific.

 _"Student 2419"_ The leader intoned, his loric was accented by the short sharp tones of his Mogadorian accented. _"You will come quietly and return to School"_

 _"No"_ Theodore growled in return as he advanced on the horde, flexing his loralite claws as he walked.

 _"Student 2419!"_ The warning came again, _"Stand down! Now! NOW!"_

_"NO!"_

_"MOVE!"_ Ordered Leader as the aliens flanking him either side moved in on his command.

But it didn't matter, Theodore had already reached his intended target. Palming the handbag, he chucked it into the face of the one on the left before burying his one claw into the leg of the right, and when he hunched over in pain, the teen sliced his other claw straight through his jugular before quickly doing the same to the first.

Blood splattered his face and loralite shrouded his form as Theodore spun on his heel and quickly ran towards the open door of the theatre's storage room (where they housed the props, rigging and lightning equipment) under the rain of laser-like bullets. _"GO!"_ He heard the roaring order sound behind him and the thunder of footsteps that followed as he slipped inside and quickly scaled some abandoned scaffolding.

Blue tinted his vision as Loren took over his eyes, the enhancement allowing Theodore to see every detail in the dimly lit room as if it were midday. _"One below"_ Loren reported as they watched the grunts split themselves up, supposedly to cover more ground. But in a room as cluttered as this, it gave the teen ample amounts of room to hide and climb. At Loren's direction, Theodore launched himself from the top of the scaffolding where he had been hiding, landing on the Mog with claws buried deep into his back. He was dead within seconds.

Rolling behind a pile of paint cans, he avoided the fire drawn his way and slipped through a small cranny created by a stack of boxes as the Mogs predictably merged on his last known location. _"Three in front"_ Again, at Loren's directions Theodore attacked with raging bloodlust. His sharpened claws easily found their marks as he caught one by surprise, impaling him as he turned and jumped onto the other, tossing him to the floor. Quickly jolting upwards, he sliced through the firearm pointed at him and went for the heart, again leaving behind nothing but a pile of ash.

The third was the easiest to disarm—sliding through his legs like a baseball player and slashing a claw up through his thigh bought the Mog straight to his knees, where Theodore then proceeded to stab him in the back, just to make sure. As the Mog died with a yell of pain, the Human Garde slipped back out of the storage room and made his way down to the foyer.

Unfortunately he didn't make it very far before he was slammed up agains the wall with one hand wrapped tightly around his neck and the other around the wrist that tried to fight back. _"You're in big trouble, 2419!"_ He snarled, his gills flaring in anger. Enraged by a multitude of things—his emotions were a crazy cocktail by that point—Theodore laughed a bowling-shoed foot towards the alien's crotch before pulling harshly as he swung them to the floor. With claw poised to pierce the Mog's chest, Theodore didn't even notice the others until it was too late. "GAAH!"

_"RAAH!"_

"NO!" He didn't know who screamed louder: him, Loren or Uncle Five (who blinked in at just the right time).

The grappling hook easily pierced his loralite casing and fleshy skin as he was yanked backwards and pinned to the floor. The next thing he knew the Mogs above him were being thrown across the room by tiny arms and their necks were snapped like twigs as Theodore continued to struggle against their holds. Once free, Theodore wasted no time in ripping the offending grappling hook from his chest and tossing it aside. A quick glance towards his uncle, showed that the old man was directing friendly fire like a conductor as he danced between the bullets and teleported sporadically about the place.

However, before Theodore could rejoin the fight he was snatched yet again by a pair of Mogs who had great success in dragging him back towards the front door. Snarls and growls ripped from his lips were muffled by the gloved hand shoved over his mouth as he struggled against the tight hold the two had on him. In a vain attempt to slow them down, he sprouted a claw from his foot (shredding the bowling shoes) and dragged it along the carpeted floor in desperation. If he had glanced up at that point, the teen would've seen the startled and yet inquisitive expression decorating his uncle's face, but alas, he was far more concerned with other things.

When the claw in the floor proved ineffective, Theodore groaned at the pull of muscles he didn't know he had when the foot left the floor and swung up to meet jugular. Blood sprayed like a sprinkler, dousing the teen in it as his other foot snapped out to stab at the other's leg before he shook the two off like they were rag dolls. _"Left!"_ Loren called as Theodore danced over to the rest gathered there and Uncle Five disappeared off into the amphitheatre where loud gunfire and shouts could be heard beneath the beautiful wailing of his mother's violin.

It was almost laughable how easy it was to take down the rest of the Mogadorian horde. A slice here, a stab there an implement over yonder and before he knew it, the foyer was lined with shadows of invisible people and ashy remains. The shards of loralite that had fallen during their battle now lay at his feet like glittering stars as he tried to calm his wildly beating heart. "I can't…believe…that worked!" Theodore panted, as he surveyed the mess.

 _"The little monkey helped…"_ Loren begrudgingly admitted.

"Yeah…that was…close"

**_GRRR!_ **

"Was that…?" Theodore's head snapped towards the hallway where the window-rattling growl echoed from.

 _"Yeah…we should go!"_ Loren hastily agreed as the sound grew closer. _"Go! Go, go!"_

* * *

A few moments later found Theodore soaring over the edge of the upper section of the theatre as he dodged beneath more gunfire—this time from the same masked gunmen from the bowling alley. It was only thanks to muscle memory that the teen landed softly on the floor instead of painfully bellyflopping between the seats as he would've done. "THEO!" Uncle Diego shouted from across the way."WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?!"

"BUSY!" Theodore replied as he rolled onto his back. He spared a glance around the seats in front of him to see that Mama was okay—more than okay, her newly awakened powers were spectacular and painted not only herself but the surrounding area in a glowing white as her violin sang. "Finally lost it!" He laughed, chucking his hands up in celebration before quickly yanking them down as he remembered the gunfire still raging.

**_ROOOAAAR!_ **

"Oh come _on!"_ Theodore groaned when his head snapped up to see the same bloody chimera smash through the glass skylight and descend upon his screeching family.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!" Uncle Five demanded as it crept towards Auntie Allison, likely tracking her recent injury.

"ALLISON!" Uncle Luther cried as he helpless watched the beast—the same beast who seemed unfazed by the waves of power rolling of his mother. Tired and achy, Theodore rolled up onto his toes in time to see the leathery beast snarl at Uncle Diego who had embedded several daggers in its hide. All it did was anger the beast further.

"This is gonna hurt, isn't it?" Theodore asked, not needing an answer as he spared another glance towards his mother who remained enraptured by her own power before turning back to his terrified aunt who was scrambling away from the drool beading on the beast's lips. With clenched teeth, Theodore raised a clawed hand to the freshly healed wound on his chest and tore thrown the skin with a pained yell.

That seemed to be enough to catch the chimaera's attention as it instantly swung around, gills flaring as it tracked the smell of blood. "COME 'ERE YOU LIL' SHIT!" Theodore jumped to his feet and stared at the beast down as he ignored his uncles panicked calls. He clung to the seats either side of him as blood dripped steadily from his reopened wound and he blinked rapidly as he tried to keep a clear head as the chimaera charged him."I'M OVER HERE!"

Harnessing his telekinesis, Theodore spun around and launched himself over the cushioned seats until he was quite literally flying towards one of the decorative pillars that lined the stage. Dots danced at the edges of his vision and he could feel the hot breath of the chimaera breathing down his neck as he hurdled chairs and abandoned handbags. "THEO, GET DOWN!" Someone cried, but Theodore was far too focused to identify who.

"COME ON! COME _ON!"_ He taunted, enraging not only the alien but likely his family as well.

As he ran a strong blue glow danced across his back and Theodore chanced a look back in time to see—who he presumed was Uncle Ben—standing in front of Uncle Klaus who was shrouded in the same blue that the teen typically wore during his transformations. Uncle Ben lifted his translucent shirt and long monstrous tentacles exploded from his stomach—ones that reached out across the theatre and entangled themselves in the gunmen firing on them.

Thankful in the knowledge that the pesky gunmen were now taken care of, Theodore wasted no time in bouncing off of the pillar and landing behind the chimaera as a crystallised beast. Chimaeras—while _excellent_ hunters and guards—weren't particularly well-known for their smarts and so when Theodore flipped off of the pillar, the chimaera ran straight for it headfirst, just as planned— _"Yeah right!"—_ but that didn't mean it was out of the running just yet.

The two beasts stood their ground, neither giving any leeway as wall-rocking growls and snarls fell from leathery and crystallised lips. On some unspoken word, the two clashed in a mess of flying limbs and snapping jaws. They tumbled down steps and left crushed furniture in their wake as Theodore let go, giving Loren full control once more.

* * *

Coming to after a full shift was never fun. Full stop. Period. But when he was forced out of a shift? It was like hell on earth. The fogginess and headache usually accompanied by the split of one mind becoming two once more, disappeared pretty soon thereafter and it usually didn't incur full body spasms. However there was thing that did and Theodore hated that he had forgotten about it.

 _"AHHHHHH!"_ He screeched, as pain wracked his rapidly changing body. The loralite encasing him fell away and shattered on the floor into a million shards, cutting deep as he writhed and thrashed in pain; the chip in his neck doing its job in controlling the boy. He knew nothing but pain—pain and the smell of burning flesh. With eyes screwed shut and throat growing hoarse from the constant screaming, he absently noticed that he was soaking wet from a combination of blood & water, and the ash coating his limbs felt gloopy like slime.

Bloody hands scrabbled and clawed at his neck where he lay hanging over the back of the seats; his body contorting into impossible poses as the ever familiar tone of those bloody drones sang across the room. "STUDENT 2419 IDENTIFIED. HOUSE: FRIJA. SAFE TO APPROACH"  
 _"You've been a real pain in the ass for me, 2419"_ Snarled the last remaining Mogadorian as he prowled up the aisle. Through the pain, Theodore wondered what had happened to his family—why they weren't helping when he clearly needed it. _"I'm almost impressed—we've even reinforced Detention after your last escape!"_

Tears streamed down freckled cheeks as pained screams continued to fall from his cracked lips. He was no longer able to tell if the liquid on his face was his own or if he had acquired it form someone else. But what he _did_ know was that he would give anything— _anything_ for the pain to just _please_ stop! Just as it had done when he was a child, the violin—just like his mother's voice— soothed his soul and granted him the peace he so desired.

And this time was no different. As her song reached its emotional crescendo, a powerful wave of sound was blasted across the theatre and tore through all in its path—including the laughing Mogadorian. One minute, he had known nothing but pain and the next, he lay twitching atop the back of the seats like he was seizing. Theodore lolled his head towards his mother who had once again saved him.

He expected to see her playing her beautiful song to the world, the one full of sorrow and pain, or love and loss. But what he found instead made his body run cold and his heart clench in a pain that the chip nor Mogadorian could never provide. Mama stood on the stage completely encompassed in white (even her violin was white and the tips of her brown locks were starting to turn) as four tentacles of energy leapt from her chest and entangled themselves in his uncles'.

Pain-filed groans and moans fell from their lips and the light was so blinding that Theodore began to tear up again. Just over his mother's shoulder he could see Auntie standing with her shaking arm holding a pistol and trained at Mama's head. "No…" Theodore breathed, eyes wide and voice hoarse as he tried in vain to get up. "Loren…help me"

For a second time that night Loren took control of Theodore's limbs, enveloping the tried and weary boy in the blue crystal he so loved. Aided by the Human Garde's other Legacies, the hybrid slowly and easily made their way up onto the stage. This close, they could see the conflict warring on Auntie's face and the absolute loathing and power that was written on Mama's. But that didn't matter, as one the Human and the Loralite wrapped themselves around the glowing woman, enveloping her in a tight hug and effectively cutting the tie between her and the four floating men.

Theodore wasn't quite sure what was happening to his mother, but as he held her in crystalline arms one thought came to mind. A little tune that served to help him through the years. Bowing his crystal head, Theodore (layered with Loren) began to sing their lullaby.

_"I walked across an empty land  
_ _I knew the pathway like the back of my hand  
_ _I felt the earth beneath my feet  
_ _Sat by the river and it made me complete  
_ _Oh simple thing, where have you gone?  
_ _I'm getting tire and I need someone to rely on"_

Tears pricked at his eyes and they flowed from freckled cheeks to snow white ones as he sang, his hoarse voice layered with Loren's baritone one. Power continued to radiate from his mother and it hurt, it rattled at his bones and pulled at his heart as it tried to escape.

_"I came across a fallen tree  
_ _I felt the branches of it looking at me  
_ _Is this the place we used to love?  
_ _Is this the place that I've dreaming of?  
_ _Oh simple thing, where have you gone?  
_ _I'm getting old and I need something to rely on"_

The loralite covering his limbs rattled with the force of Mama's power, the blinding energy easily pierced through the crystal and splintered off in different directions as he heard the theatre crack and crumble around them—just like the Hargreeves family home had done only hours before.

_"And if you have a minute, why don't we go  
_ _Talk about it somewhere only we know?  
_ _This could be the end of everything  
_ _So why don't we go somewhere only we know?  
_ _Somewhere only we know"_

The largest concentration of energy exploded from his shoulder and he heard the sounds of his uncles falling as they were no longer held up by the tentacles. Again pained groans emanated from them, but this time for a very different reason.

_"Oh simple thing where have you gone?  
_ _I'm getting old and I need something to rely on  
_ _So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
_ _I'm getting tire and I need somewhere to begin"_

Closing his eyes against the pain Theodore heard more than saw the harried footsteps thundering towards them as his uncles raced across the stage. He could feel Auntie's hands paw at the crystal arms that wrapped around the two as she tried to make sure that they were okay. But Theodore refused to move even as the moon fell and the Apocalypse rained down on them all the same.

_"And if you have a minute, why don't we go  
_ _Talk about it somewhere only we know?  
_ _This could be the end of everything  
_ _So why don't we go somewhere only we know?  
_ _Somewhere only we know"_


	32. Epilogue

Theodore J. Hargreeves was well aware of the circumstances of his situation. It was the one thing he clung to as a child, the one thing that made him the same as the rest of the Garde—Human & Loric alike. It gave him hope, hope that maybe he wasn't a monster after all. Or conversely, maybe he _was_ a monster and this was all a bad dream he needed to wake up from. That hope had many years to shrivel up and die.

When he thinks of it, he thoughts are full of resentment and anger at the world, he questioned why. _Why? Why? Why did you choose me? What did I do? I don't want to be a monster! I'm sorry! I don't want to be hunted!_ For all that Theodore thought of his situation, he never once considered how others envied his power, his Legacy—he still didn't, by the way.

But after today, it's something that he had resolved to do as he held his mother in his arms and the world raged around them. Each of his aunt and uncles—both alive & dead—stood either side of him in varying stages of disarray as they completed the circle, with hands held and faces grim. Above them lay the twisting, twirling blue vortex that had returned Uncle Five to them seven days ago and now it was to be their escape from the Apocalypse that they had inevitably caused.

Familiar blue enveloped them in a warm hug, it tore at their insides and rattled them around like marbles in a tin can; until they were nothing more than leaves on the wind. The last thing Theodore saw was the large asteroid falling from the moon, framed by the broken skylight of the _Icarus Theatre_ as it burned to ash.

It ends like this.


End file.
